Viktor Sander B.Sc.

Viktor is a behavioral scientist specialized in social psychology.

Before he joined SocialPro, he worked as a coach helping his clients take the next step in their personal development.

He has degrees from the University of Gothenburg and Chalmers University.

Follow on Twitter or read more.

Viktor is a behavioral scientist specialized in social psychology.

Before he joined SocialPro, he worked as a coach helping his clients take the next step in their personal development.

He has degrees from the University of Gothenburg and Chalmers University.

Follow on Twitter or read more.

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Comments (15)

  1. Crystal

    Yes I have avoided reaching out to someone I knew because I had no apparent reason to. Didn’t want to come across as desperate for friendship or needy.

    It doesn’t always make sense but sometimes it takes courage to reach out to acquaintances who could be close friends and friends who could be a lot closer if you would just talk more.

    Then there are the people who will not answer the phone cause they prefer text then they text conversation with you lol.

  2. Sunshine

    I tried doing this all the way,everytime got the same result ,people just talk at the moment and they don’t look back again!This just ended up making me look desperate since I texted them everyday to meet them .They never even think of me once to ask to join them for a group activity which can actually help bonding with them.It just pains my heart how people don’t even care to look at my face while talking or don’t even think of joining them for a party though we meet almost every other day!! I started feeling sorry for my son who could end up being like me,he is two yr old but that lil one unfortunately don’t even know how it’s like to attend a bday party,since no one actually invites us.My heart is crying for him and I feel hell lot of regret and sorry for him for having a mother like me who is always outcasted ,and all the trials end up crashing down even before I try best.

    • Anonymous

      You throw a big party for him at a park or somewhere. Don’t worry he is young. Don’t feel bad. I was a stay at home mom and my kid went to his first birthday party around five years old.

      It will all work out you are probably investing in the wrong people. The right people will think of you. I know how it is. I use to have the same situation all the time.

      It can get better don’t beat your self up in fact start to see how unique and cool you are. I bet you will attract the right kind of people in your life the more you appreciate who you are and what value you bring.

  3. jan

    I have the opposite problem, I reach out to former and continuous people in my life, and I feel as though I am clapping one handed. It’s a one sided event, unless, I reach out again. I always inquire about their lives, contribute some on my own, to help with balance. It’s always been that way. How do I change this? If I don’t reach out, I don’t speak with anyone.

    Thank you.

    • Anonymous

      I feel ya. Continuously the one who reaches out. Beats loneliness though. I have a select few who contact me when I have not reached out sometimes it just takes time.

  4. Jacob B.

    You know, Viktor, this is probably the most important rule of thumb in social interactions. In my opinion, ideally every conversation would be mutual; it’s supposed to be a two-way street, right? I can’t really stress that enough: in order for a conversation to be enjoyable and pleasant, it needs to be mutual or balanced in some way. This is something I’ve been getting at lot better at recently, just by storing this to my long-term memory. Like Oscar, I’m very alert about this, and I always want a conversation to be a pleasant exchange between me and whomever I’m meeting with. This is a huge game changer, something that even social butterflies might fail to understand or remember. If it’s not mutual or balanced, it most likely will not go well. I feel like it would make a world of a difference if everybody learned this. I will always remind myself of this.

    • Viktor Sander

      Thanks for sharing your insights Jacob. Very interesting to read.

  5. Anonymous

    This article really hit home for me. Every sentence was relatable to my own life. However, one thing I personally struggle with in terms of keeping in touch with friends is actually meeting up with them. Often times a friend will say “We should hang out” or hint at hanging out (“Did you hear about that new movie? We should go watch it sometime”). When I tell them to call or text me, they never do. Is this because they are afraid or am I doing something wrong?

    • David Morin

      That’s good to hear! Great question! Instead of saying “call/text me”, try setting a date either immediately or text them yourself later that day and try to set a date. If your friend already said they want to hang out, it’s up to you to reciprocate that and show that you want to hang out too 🙂 They may feel pushy/needy if they have to take all the initiative.

    • Anonymous

      You need to set up a time and place when they hint or it becomes a cold lead. Strike when the iron is hot they say.

  6. Anonymous

    What specific questions can i ask to maje my relationship with my family more intimate?

    • Viktor Sander

      It depends on how your relationships are right now and which person in your family you are thinking of?

      If your relationship is very bad, some simple questions won’t do much until you solve the underlying conflicts (which is not always possible).

      But in general, I’d say try to be curious about them. How did they grow up? How was their relationship to their parents? What were their dreams as teens, what are their dreams now?

  7. Lismary

    Hey! My best friend and I always have amazing, mutual conversations. However, he usually calls me first. I think this is because he is normally busy. I know that he is a very busy adult, so I hesitate to call him because I don’t want to interrupt anything that he is doing. What can I do about this?


    • Viktor Sander

      In what way is he busy? What happens when you call? What is it that occupies his mind so much, maybe you can help him there or reduce his stress somehow? It’s hard to give useful advice without more background info.

      If he’s at work, you need to find better times to talk.

      Since you are having such amazing conversations already, maybe the best thing is asking him about it?

    • Anonymous

      Just text him and ask when his schedule is more open that you would like to plan ahead the best time to reconnect and see how things are going for him lately.