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Comments (80)

  1. Lil sunflower

    I’m a student staying in a room with my three roommates. They always make fun of how I’m always quiet and how I don’t talk.They even said I’m a dull person. Sometimes it makes me feel so bad that my heart aches
    My coursemates too and people I call friends make fun of me. They see me as someone who can’t stand up for herself in any case because I don’t talk. They say I’m wierd

  2. Susan

    I have this women at work who always stands in front of me when we are in a group conversation when I move she will just find another way to stand in front of me. Also comments on how I dress as she is a personal stylist but always negative to how I dress it’s really hurtful what should I do ?.

  3. Dylan Harding

    I’m a freshman in high school. I’m fine with almost every class and am even fine with sitting alone at lunch since my REAL friends are not in my line. However, there is another student who i label as a “friend” that always makes fun of the clothes my mother paid for and the sports im blessed to be able to participate in. It is ALWAYS in a group of people and other friends and sometimes he even humiliates me in front of people i dont even know. Any time i try to make a comeback or to ignore him he always laughs and gets others to join in and makes me even more frustrated and ashamed. There is also one more friend who constantly tries to smack, slap, punch, kick, hit me in front of people regardless of where we are. He takes me things and throws them on the floor, and because im a relatively chill and down to earth guy who tried to ignore things like this, he repeats this every single day and it’s beyond angering. Between the two of these people, i dread 2 of my classes and wish i could skip them altogether. I would genuinely appreciate any advice to help with this specific situation, as im sure im not the only person going through these things.

    • Shaki

      Hello that’s very rough. Try standing up for yourself and say like don’t call me names or don’t do that to me in a deep voice and they will never mess with you again!

  4. Artice upchurch

    Viktor I agree with you it’s time to resist. Nice blog.

  5. Emily

    So I’m in a dance group and a certain girl always make fun of my dancing and laughs and teases me of my dance in front of my other teamates I don’t like it what do I do?

    • Viktor Sander

      Hi Emily. That sucks and it’s not acceptable behavior from her.

      May I ask how old she is? And what have you tried so far?

      One thing you can start to do is to try to get everyone else on your side. Become friends with the others and tell them how it makes you feel when that girl makes fun of you. That way they will back you up and everyone will think she’s an asshole. But it depends on how mature they are.

      • Emily

        She’s 13. So I tried to talk but I couldn’t because it’s complicated her sister is the dance teacher and she does nothing about it. She just laughs with them. I don’t know how to be friends with them because it’s like they all don’t like me. I do this dance group for god that’s why I’m still in the group. Thanks for your help.

  6. Love it! Indeed, we should surround ourselves with people that is good for our mental health. Not a toxic one. Because friends have big impact in our happiness. And we should choose wisely.

  7. TwoHandGuy

    hello i have two hands

    • Anonymous

      I love that

  8. Ashley

    I’m going to try the last method with my mother in law tomorrow. I’ve talked with my husband about my frustrations of her dominating my house while she visits, and am looking to respectfully establish it back. She’ll be here for a whole month so it’s best it gets done ASAP 👌🏻

    • Viktor Sander

      It’s great that you deal with that before it gets out of control. Best of luck!

  9. Rayena

    I feel good after reading d post

  10. Fisher

    I have a work place “funny guy” bully. I tried ignoring him but it turned to passive aggressive mumbles and glaring at me 30 minutes before his shift through the window as he sits outside in his car with the lights on. I took this to Management and “funny guy” used that he was a person who use to help people and that he could never be rude. He turned it around and said I was someone not to be trusted because I told our manager he was being rude. I can’t get over that the manager sided with him and told me that “I’ll get use to him.” I’m not sure how to handle this situation. I’m not someone who can confront people easily.

    • A

      Start with a window shade for those 30 minutes.
      When he mumbles, ask him “Excuse me, I did not hear you. What did you say?” Practice. Show no fear.
      Then quietly keep a log of the factual details of his worst actions/behavior according to your direct experience, the date and time, witnesses, the end result and how it negatively impacted you/the workplace. Put it on the list then let it go and instead focus on doing great work. Eventually, privately, take this list to HR.

  11. Aaron

    Thanks for your wonderful article. I will practice one or all the steps you mentioned. However, I had a situation when I was at loss how to react. My classmates and I were having a casual conversation with our professor. When one of my friends remarked that I drive motorcycles, my professor quickly snapped that I was a little headed one and that I didn’t have enough courage to even question anyone who hits my motorcycle accidentally. He also added that I was not even fit for driving motorcycles. He did not only behave as a funny guy but also teased me in front of my friends. He made me feel like I was a total dumb head. Can you tell me how could I have possibly reacted in this situation?

    • Andrew

      Yes,tell him to pull his lip over his head and swallow,he’ll get the idea

    • Hhhhhhh

      For the motorcycle thing, I’d use the ignoring – so after the mean comments are over, pretend you didn’t hear them, don’t show any emotion and just continue where you left off, maybe repeat the fact that yeah you drive motorcycles it’s awesome, and continue the original conversation.

    • Tb

      Laugh,exaggerate,and return.
      – Ha ha ! Yes,you’re right professor.When I approach on my motorbike, all my neighbours hide they children in their basements and my doctor is informed in advance.I’m hopeless.
      – By the way,Do you still drive that ancient Volvo, with a wooden dashboard which takes up 3 parking spaces.

  12. Dawn

    While the work place bully you can leave at work, I’m dealing with family bullies. We have a mother when interrupts conversations will physically put her body in the way while you are working i.e. Take over the sink while you are at it doing dishes, push you out of the way while you are cooking or rearranging furniture and claiming a common family place as theirs. This mother even bullies the DOGs by taking away their beds and throwing them outside when they have always been in door dogs. She’s a menace to our community as well. Is a massive gossip machine and a Debbie downer. She’s associated to social media and will follow family members around reading aloud the comments she’s posted and the bad news from the world after you’ve confronted them to stop.

    I’m 40 yrs old and she will pick on me in public… telling other adults ” “can’t take your kids anywhere… quit being a toddler… you dress like you are 4. …” often making references to immaturity and said de mouth comments.

    We have a toxic bully with serious narssisitic personality disorder and bi polar.

    Any advice on these kinds of bullies?!

  13. M.A

    I do have met some of those kinds of people in my friend’s group and one of them was my closest friend he was trying to fit into the group by talking about me since I am the main character in this group ,, I treat what I though my friend by ignoring the whole group and since they where all of them in the same category and I did find other people they where respectable people and that group still talking about me and i start new chapter with new people ,,, I did get some offers from some of them to go back with the group by apologizing and I did act like nothing happen I am busy doing my staff and meet people who I call them my friend and they are since they share the same view about the old group ,,,,,, guess what happen to the old group ,,, they end up each of them eating each other and all of them end up alone,,, and one of them came to me blaming me for destroying the group ,,, but I did nothing just leaving them ,,,, the old freind try to contact me and nothing work out since his freind left him alone ,,,,,, He broke my respect by not giving me respect I give to him and I that is ok since I became stronge with confidence after this experince and I don’t feel sad about that ,,,,, ,,, In conclusion who is bad will appear bad sooner or later they been as product of their actions and they desrve it ,,,,

  14. H

    What if the person who does this is usually a nice person but they have some sort of malfunction that causes them to lash out at you and you feel hurt by it and they wont acknowledge it? And you try to tell them that they hurt you feelings but they ho like ‘yeah but you were acting stupid so I have to correct you so you wont be stupid next time’. so basically when you did everything in this article but they still have the upperhand and the boss is condoning their behavior. what to do then, besides finding a new job?

    • Anonymous

      I found a new job. I worked for a medical group and they hired a new manager. There was no way getting around their behavior and the corporate medical heads didn’t seem to think the actions were appropriate.

      So I quit.
      Took them 6 months to fill my position.

      Go where you are loved. Not tolerated.

  15. Gianna

    This sounds like its gonna work i can’t wait to try it out. Everyone in my school mostly the boys make fun of me because I have ADHD. they are rude about it and say things to trigger me. I try to laugh it off but in the moment I straight up want to go back home and wish i never went to school. Everyday its a different struggle. Each day I face there immaturity. But every time this one specific person says something about it, other kids laugh and catch on to it and then they all say it to me. Everyone has a little bit of it in them I just want them to realize that it may not seem like its affected me when I’m with them, but deep down it hurts me, even to think about. They are boys they think they are funny and think what there doing is ok. I try to let them know how obnoxious and immature it is to make all these different sayings and meanings up but they don’t give a shit its frustrating.

    • heather

      I definitely think it sounds like good advice. I hope it will work for you.

    • Anonymous

      Hang in there! High school is a blink in our lives. I graduated over 22 years ago and the pains of dealing with mean kids is still very real. My best advice, become a book worm and dedicate your time to education. My bullies started to fall offf the radar when I’d go be them the middle finger over what ever book I was reading. Soon, they gave up and moved on to other targets.

      Having a strong skills or an outlet is s important. I was lucky to have martial arts as an option at my high school. In 9th grade so signed up. Being able to resist weak minded people (people who single out and pick on others are very weak minded and brittle people in my world) mentally and physically did wonders for myself esteem.

      Just knowing I could now one thing f those jerks down with my fist made me emotionally stronger.

      Take it on the chin, and give them one right between the eyes by being more successful and interesting then those bothering you.

      Best of luck.

    • MARS

      Really liked the article and will definitely put it to use. My friends always make fun of me in the group it’s like I’m the punching bag. They don’t want to hurt me but it always ends up on me. Just today jokingly they took a hard object and throw it on me it hit my head and none of them seemed sorry … I’m so frustrated with them I just want to leave everything am done go home

      • Anonymous

        I used to have this. A way to deal with it can be down to the way you respond to jokes and teasing. One thing you can do is not react to that sort of thing anymore. They need to respect you.
        It might be easier just to get a new group. The others might bond together by bringing you down, which shows you are not seen as an equal. In that case just get out of there.

  16. John

    I read all of the stuff and its great but how can you deal with or do it when you’re being made ridiculed online like social media? I think there should be an article like this on how you would deal with it over the internet especially social media.
    For example you have these “friends” that used to make ridicule of you back in school, and this ridiculing stuff is also happening in social media, ridiculing whatever you post or anything you say in chat online?
    How can you deal with this and prevent other future related stuff from happening over social media?
    I don’t meet them anymore as they already have jobs, but they still have this ridicule old mindset when it’s about me. I need this to stop, it’s not BANTER, I can always block them or deactivated my account and make a new one but if ever they find me they would just ridicule insult me again or try to influence others about me so it’s not probably going to solve the problem.

    • John

      I have to add number 2 might not work especially in a school setting (including uni or college)
      I can’t quite explain it in words, but I hope you get it why

    • Belinda

      Exactly, truly spoken, not always easy to block people like this, could u set up an account under a diff name, sumtimes if I get mad I get even, what about sending them sum horse manure to their address or add them to every website in the world etc

  17. Sumthin O'anotha

    This is just beyond brilliant. I wish I would’ve found it sooner, though I’m happy I finally found it.

  18. Erik

    Put a name on the bullies behavior, “I think you are ridiculing me, most people would find this insulting”.
    In a macho culture its common to ridicule and put shame on people that talk about their feelings. So be prepared to put a name on this behavior as well “does me talking about my feelings make you teatralic”.
    If this doesn’t help, go into what about the persons tone/body language makes you uncomfortable.
    If they persist (you will have made them angry by now) tell them they are behaving threat full and that this is illegal. If they still persist ask them why they want you to file a police/HR report!
    You should now have enough material to file a report to the police or HR department.

    • Joseph McCarron

      Geat post. The main article is good but if the situation is a serious targeting of the individual, those responses will not work.

      If your the target (and that what it is) and it continues then this posters advice is the best. The situation requires a serious response and have you to raise the stakes to keep this person from targeting/dominating you. They will say “I was only joking” but don’t blink, don’t let them off the hook. Document it and make a mental note of who was present at the time. Also, do not rely on human resources. They don’t want to hear about it. In their eyes your just making waves and complaining. Don’t bitch about it to other employees either that someone is picking on you.
      They don’t want to hear about it either.

  19. youarehuman

    If someone bullies you or says some stupid shit you dislike and makes you feel uncomfortable.. take your dominant hand, make it into a fist and proceed to place said fist into the face of your bully. Job done.

  20. Justin

    Another good trick is to play dumb and make them explain the joke. Whatever they say look right at them and say that makes no sense. Could yoy explain it another way? Jokes lose their power when you have to explain them. Guy next to me at a bar one night said to the woman i was talking to Wow you’ve got great DSL. I could tell by her immediate reaction that it was as inappropriate. I said to him with my poker face she uses WiFi. Awkward silence with eye contact and he turned around and walked away. Got a free beer for that one.

  21. Justin

    When i was in school this guy try to get me to say My Dixie Wrecked by reading it off a piece of paper. I knew what he was up to so when he said hey Justin read this out loud. I said My Dixie is Wrecked. No that’s not right there’s no is there. I know that but it’s grammatically incorrect. All poker face on me. No read it as it is written. Why it’s wrong. He kept trying and eventually gave up. My teacher said that was the funniest thing he ever saw.

  22. Pam.

    I have a new co-worker who is always trying to tell me how to do my job..she always say u know me I am a geek…

  23. Draven Sargeant

    I would like to know how to ignore my ex-girlfriend who is constantly making fun of me at school, more or less with her friends, I have tried to ignore her, but it doesn’t work. Is there something else I can do?

    • Justin

      Own it bro. I was out at a bar one night and my ex was there with her friends and one of them shouted there goes needle dick. They laughed and with a poker face I said yea all of you know that. Not like it’s a secret. Ex said you can fuck off now. I was until you ladies held me up. Go fuck yourself Justin! Twice a day in the bathroom. I got good at handling hecklers doing stand up comedy in college.

    • Anonymous

      Stop being around her. Call her your “EX.”

  24. Signs That a Woman Is Flirting

    i love your blog and always like new things coming up from it.

  25. Eric

    Always throw in their mother.

    Funny guy: “So what movies do you like, except for pornos? Hahahaha”
    You: “That’s not what your mom says.”
    Funny guy: “…

    Funny guy: “Wow! Ever heard of ironing your shirt? Hahahaha”
    You: “I’ll be sure to mention it to your mother when she does my laundry tonight.”
    Funny guy: “…

    • Anonymous

      She was in the movie

    • Angie

      Funny guy: “So what movies do you like, except for pornos? Hahahaha”
      You: “I really like the ones your mom makes.”

  26. Anonymous

    I partially agree with the post, but being complacent does not work with everyone. Some will say, “Look, everyone, what I told you, he’s a loser!” The best solution I found was shouting like a psychopath: “Fuck, shut up!” And if someone, like your boss, calls you for an explanation, simply say “I was kidding, but he / she couldn’t take it” since no one was playing in the first place. Then, most people will be on your side, because anger is contagious. Also, I would suggest to start persecuting the person, and he will be afraid, believing something is wrong with you.

    • Anonymous

      Goodness gracious my good fellow, are you sure you’re not actually a psychopath??

    • Anonymous

      What the actual fuck???!

  27. Christina spinelli

    Hi I have been married for almost 30 years and recently divorced. Being around my ex husband who is so passive
    Aggressive and dominating has made me very ill and I had
    A sick baby who is thankfully growing up, I am in the process of trying to get away from him but I have this child and we
    Had a business together. Definitely moving forward to get totally away from him as much as it is possible. He is very
    Nasty and rude to me in a sneaky kind of way sometimes he is explosive if I tell him how I really feel. What can I do to try to take care of myself in the process of getting away from him?

    • Anonymous

      When he starts getting really nasty just start recording it with your phone. It will drive him crazy to think that he might have to listen to himself being truly mean and nasty.
      This used to instantly shut my ex up.

  28. Anonymous

    These advices are really true and I am definetely gonna try this

  29. Blue X

    I’m so glad I found this website I’m gonna try this thanks
    _blue X

  30. Xtionfuse

    I’ve always been center of laughter. I don’t care tough, but sometimes it gets more embarrassing. I usually laugh with them , but in the end I feel like a looser. I think I should try this next time.

    • DMC

      I know the feeling

  31. Jack

    Don’t do that… i have and it only gets worse. Laugh with them, don’t ignore them… only if it’s with the bully.

  32. Cemore Buttes

    I am in high school, and my partner for a project makes fun of my name, body, and says i am a suck up to the teacher. I have tried to switch project partners, and even classes, but the school and my teacher wont let me. I cant take any more of his treatment to me, and i have tried to do these things over and over again but i cant, what do i do?

    • T

      You could contact the county school board to resolve the issue. Or, if it gets bad enough report the individual for harassment at the local police department and then request a restraining order against them. That would legally require the person to stay away from you at a certain distance at all times. I imagine the school would have to comply, but likely it would be the bully’s responsibility to work with the school to make sure they are not placed with you so that they do not violate the restraining order. It may sound dramatic to file a restraining order, but what this person is doing to you is harassment and you don’t have to take it. If the school isn’t listening you have legal options to take care of the issue.

      Also, remember that someone who chooses to bully you is not so much about a personal weakness on your part. Rather, it’s about the bully having poor personal character, and choosing to act as a social predator. People with normal to decent character don’t pick on other people for fun.

      God bless.

      Acts 2:38-41
      “38 And Peter said to them, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. 39 For the promise is for you and for your children and for all who are far off, everyone whom the Lord our God calls to himself.” 40 And with many other words he bore witness and continued to exhort them, saying, “Save yourselves from this crooked generation.” 41 So those who received his word were baptized, and there were added that day about three thousand souls.”

  33. Chloe Sacks

    I sent that last comment as a test of your skills. I do not think you are a moron. Your English is pretty good considering you are not from the United States.

  34. Altuz

    I’m grounded. In situations where I sense that either someone is being domineering, whether inadvertent or not, I stick to my guns, get what I want, whether it be information, a transaction, whatever it is, then I leave and don’t pursue anything further with that person.

    If you’re at a point in your life where you feel that everyone is steam rolling over you, it’s because you’re continuing dialogue and rapport with those individuals.

    Associate with people who love and respect you, and with people you love and respect.

    The world is too large and too diverse to not chose who you want in your life.

    • Anonymous

      Thanks for this..

    • Anonymous

      Well said Altuz

  35. Dave

    I disagree with this approach. The only way to deal with a passive aggressive is to be more ruthless than them. Call them out on it but in a mean way. If it’s a man, undermine his manhood, “your passive aggressive comments are so female dude.” This is not to offend women, but calling him basically a woman will make him feel stupid. If it’s a woman doing the joke, tell her she is petty. “Man those backhanded jokes really make you seem like a petty bitch.”

    The main thing these people thrive off of is that they know you will never say anything. So instead, come back and chop them in half verbally. Be prepared with about 5 or 6 comebacks because a passive aggressive will always try to comeback with something like, “Gee didn’t know somebody was so sensitive.” You have to be able to comeback with something like, “Yeah I guess I have lost my sense of humor when it comes to assholes.”

    • Anonymous

      Bro I totally Agree with you…ignoring is not the best solution to tackle these kind of people..they will bully again and again..

    • Anonymous

      not gonna take it anymore!

  36. sarah

    Hi. Thanks for this great post. It was really interesting to read and I’m definitely gonna try this. People always seem to ignore what I say, even my family members.. I hope that this could solve the problem.

  37. Pradeep Jha

    Good advice. I will try.

  38. Saishiva

    Thank you for a kind advice

  39. rina

    People always make fun of me uses mean words comment about my figure eyes etc..I never reply them back..but feels hurt..I don’t get support from anyone.my ex bf too used to make fun of me many times…is it bad to be innocent quite in this world

  40. Tiffany

    What if you’re in a group of people and everyone acknowledges the joke and laughs? It’s hard to ignore at that point

    • Benjamin

      Basically that’s my problem it never works for people around too that would take it just try these steps like I would buy try anything to resolve the matter

    • Belinda

      True, its really hard when lots of people poke fun @ u then if I stop Dng what I am Dng they poss sat sumthing about this as well, like we had a morning tea shout & I didn’t eat my bun & everyone said dont u like it just because I was on my phone, why do they have to comment or they say your phone well used just because I on it, they dont seem to pick on anyone else,

  41. I used to be able to take it, but after many many years it’s finally got to me,
    So I’ve said I don’t like been joked at, he can’t change, but I can’t except the constant have joke on me, it said I lost my sense of humour, which is not true.
    How to I handle this? Maybe i have changed, but only in the sense that I like to try stick up for myself. Any tips? And this is not a work issue it’s in my home.

  42. Sara

    Ty.. Let me try it. Hope it works

  43. David Morin

    Hi Mark! I’m glad you liked the advice.

    • mayvelyn

      Yes, that’s true. I was ridiculed by this co worker of mine , she is claiming that she is going to get the job next school year as a Psychologist. Since she is going to graduate in two months. I can’t believe how she could do the job as a psychologist , when she doesn’t act like she is a professional, and apply what she ‘s been learning as a Psychology major. She called my name as if she wants to comment to what I have said during the informal meeting , smirked at me twice for telling the truth . The second time she did that to me at the same day, because she couldn’t get over it. I said , ” we have different principles , I have to protect myself , I have to have peace for telling the truth . And I trust this person because she is the one who could help by solving the problem, and the truth could set me free. And I am not afraid of what is going to happen , if I will be sued or not. I emphasized that “we have different principles”. For all I know , she has no work ethics , always on the phone facebooking ,internet while at work etc… and to tell me that she will be a good school Psychologist? Knowing her credibility… I will not be bogged down by her. At first yes, I got affected by it, because I seldom get this from people, but she took advantage of me being nice ,that I could take things and not be serious about it. I think it’s because she was not able to borrow money from me the second time.

  44. mark

    Thanks ! this sounds like something I could try. I have been trying to find ways to deal with this highly unpredictable co-worker . Hopefully one of these techniques would come in handy!