A few days ago I told you about how I read books on self-confidence and thought everything would change. But then, when push came to shove, my brain froze. Nothing had changed. I basically got a really strong irrational feeling that people just wouldn’t like me, and my courage disappeared.
So today, I want to talk about what I then did to finally find my confidence.
After all, a strong confidence solves so much in life.
- It makes it easier to bond with people (that might one day become your future best friends)
- You’ll make a better impression (both with friends and at work, or say, at the job interview)
- You can make effortless small talk throughout life
- Be more successful at dating
- Other’s respect you more
- It’s easier to be authentic and stand for your beliefs
Confident people are more attractive
Personally, I’m not much for being the center of attention, but it’s nice to know that you’re able to take a room or take the initiative at the table. That ability to be able to walk into any situation and be in charge of it great to have, even if you don’t use it all the time.
You don’t have to be born self-confident. Your self-confidence and the way you view yourself will change over your life, and you are the one who decides in what direction you want it to change.
Here are the things that improved my self-confidence the most:
- I got myself a close group of friends who I knew liked me and “approved of me”. (That took some time, though)
- I became good at making conversation. Always knowing what to say next made me more confident. (See this video on making conversations)
- I learned to focus my attention on the person I was talking to, which made me less self-aware.
- I faked self-confidence.
It sounds strange, but faking self-confidence will give you real confidence. Today I want to show you why that is and how to do it.
Here are three reasons why something as superficial as “faking confidence” actually can make you truly confident
- Part of feeling uncomfortable is the fear of looking uncomfortable. The feeling of knowing that others see you as confident are calming and good for your self-worth.
- When we appear confident, our body becomes more relaxed on a physiological level. Not only does feeling calm makes us look calm, looking confident makes us feel confident.
- When you appear confident, people treat you in a certain way. This positive treatment makes social interaction much easier to enjoy.
Why it’s not fake to fake confidence
You can’t and shouldn’t fake, say, being a good listener. Same with being warm or interested in people. That can hurt people. The only thing you can, and should, fake, is self-confidence. You should fake it because it’ll help you become a genuinely confident person.
Faking confidence is one of the fastest ways to be more confident, but building confidence from inside out will be more long term, even though it takes longer time. No road is better than the other, you should work on all fronts.
I’ve put together this video where I show how to look confident and how to NOT do it.
Have you tried faking confidence? What happened? I’m really excited to hear your experience on this. Write a line below and hit the comment button! (I read ALL comments.)