“I’m mainly an introspective/introvert homebody. I prefer weekends free of commitments. I run more on the logical side. In my early school years, I was incredibly shy, to the point of just staring at the other person in shock and saying nothing.
When I’m on 1:1 situations, I feel more at ease, less palm sweating. It’s crazy sometimes I notice how stressed people get when they’re in a conversation with a stranger, they get fidgety, they giggle unnecessarily, they leave the conversation in an awkward way. Not to say that I don’t do that myself sometimes, but I learned to control these impulses and feel more and more at ease. It can be overcome.”
In my early school years, I was incredibly shy, to the point of just staring at the other person in shock and saying nothing.
Later in school, I was less shy but got aware of conversation dead ends, and how some people seemed to have an endless source of subjects to keep it alive. So I’ve secretly always wanted a book of some sort to learn that art as if it would be my holy grail. Years later, I came across David’s material. I found it.
Also, in hindsight, I never attributed to lack of social skills when I think of how my dad and I were never very close, in fact how I would describe our relationship is that it was as if we were strangers. We have spent so much time in silent in each other’s presence, that I’m pretty sure we got numbed and didn’t feel the awkwardness of it anymore.
But it is a lack of social skills precisely, him and I just being quiet around each other, not knowing what to say. It was quite enlightening to have this new perspective, I am more compassionate, instead of just allowing the thought of “we just don’t enjoy each other” to sink in. This was a paradigm shift for me and I am so thankful for it.
After learning IIRI*, I am able to have better conversations with my dad, which I’ve always had great difficulty making conversation with, even over dinner and simple settings like that where generally everyone has an easy time talking. My dad was always quiet, and it’s funny now that I know this material, how I notice that he just doesn’t know the art of inquiring, and that’s actually nice because I feel more compassionate towards him and his quietness.
I feel more empowered in general when meeting someone that I click instantly, I know that when I get a chance to talk in private with them, I know I can make myself memorable and we can eventually become good friends by following David’s teachings.
“If you think that you can’t find friends that are like you, I guarantee you they are out there. You’ll find them with the help of this course.”
What’s your best advice to someone who’s just starting the program?
You’ll never have to worry about feeling cornered in a conversation again. And it’s natural! Nothing to make you look or sound fake. You can achieve a calm mindset in regards to social situations. David’s got you covered.
You know, little did I know that it isn’t about having an endless list of things to say, but about being genuinely interested in hearing from the other person and finding mutual interests. That’s so much more profound than I thought when I dreamed of a silver bullet to solve my conversation dead ends. David’s course is DEFINITELY NOT a band-aid, it is a cure, for whatever social discomfort you have.
From this life, we don’t take away material things, only the good relationships we’ve had. Also, if you think that you can’t find friends that are like you, I guarantee you they are out there. You’ll find them with the help of this course.
How would you describe your social life today?
When I’m on 1:1 situations, I feel more at ease, less palm sweating. It’s crazy sometimes I notice how stressed people get when they’re in a conversation with a stranger, they get fidgety, they giggle unnecessarily, they leave the conversation in an awkward way. Not to say that I don’t do that myself sometimes, but I learned to control these impulses and feel more and more at ease. It can be overcome.
Also when I meet new people for example at my yoga class or dance class I am more focused on finding common interests, and I can see how excited they get when I ask about them and their lifestyle.
You said you can see people get excited when you ask them about themselves, how did you notice this?
It was funny when I did some inquiring mode with an old friend of mine who knew me very well, she opened up and said afterward: “Wow” as if I gave her a gift. I made her think and open up about an aspiration of hers, instead of shallowly talking about it.
Also it is sometimes clear, for example, when in a conversation you have been talking about something and the other person concludes it with a “u-hum, I see, or yeah…” and it hits a wall, if you then change to inquire something about them, even if completely out of context, their expression lights up, they’re smiling, their posture is suddenly better.
It’s quite amazing.
* IIRI is a method we cover in Awkward to Awesome
Bianca’s story has been cited as-is and only changes for readability have been made.