How to Double Your Social Confidence in 5 Minutes (OFC-method)

Learn more about how we did the experiment here.

Here’s what I’ll send you in my coming emails:

  1. How to avoid awkward silence and conversations hitting a wall
  2. How to get past the small talk and actually start bonding
  3. Why conversations die out and what to do about it
  4. Why people stop keeping in touch after a while and what to do about it
  5. How to stay in touch with someone you’ve just met in a natural way (and how to meet up again without forcing it)

//David

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Comments (184)

  1. ERNEST

    Very brilliant and helpful im looking towards the mail too

  2. Anonymous

    Very brilliant and helpful im looking towards the mail too

  3. Anonymous

    I feel so uncomfortable around people that I can’t even maintain eye contact.
    Also have a very difficult time knowing difference between casual friend and good friend. Such as when seeking advice with my daughter.
    Honestly, currently have a difficult relationship with her as well. She is 14 and now has moved in with her father.

  4. MAHBOU MAHMOUD

    Yes David thats so helpful to me..thanks i am ĺooking towards the mail too.

  5. Joan

    I don’t have a car and live in an area of the city I don’t know well. Bus service here is not great and does not run late. I am retired with limited income and have a cat and a housemate also without a car. I used to have a car and a job and was very independent but went through great financial loss including the loss of my home. I have gone through a long period of homelessness. Have a small place now with a male friend who is my roommate and my cat who is precious to both of us. I used to go out country line dancing but without reliable transportation I feel so stuck. Tired of watching movies I borrow from the library. I love to play skip bo but roommate doesn’t care for it. We watch movies together and share in housekeeping and meals. We Are friends no romance between us. O need friends. If I had a friend with a car to get out with that would be nice. I would help pay for gas.

  6. Mollie

    Thanks. I think this really could help me in my coming future.

  7. Brandon

    Thank you

  8. Michelle

    I’m new to this..I have (always) even from childhood seemed to end up attracting friends who have been bullying and self-centred and people that only want to talk about themselves and narsissistic people I look forward to upcoming emails and thankyou.

  9. Paulina

    Thank you David! That’s is amazing! I hope this will help me.

  10. Natalie

    It’s just I’m awkward in general, people at my school think I’m awkward and mean. Which in reality, I am an awkward person. That’s why I don’t have a lot of friends, the mean part is what I don’t get because usually I’m super nice. Just social things aren’t my fort-a which is becoming an issue. Even my step mom is saying watch out for me because I’m just not a fun person to hang out with. Kids at my school avoid me because I’m just not a fun person to hang out. I’m missing so much because of this, and honestly, I lost all hope. I’d hope this will help me, it didn’t, I’m just too far out to every fix. It’s not your fault, it’s mine

    • Sam

      I think your problem is that you don’t accept your self. You know you are super nice but you still doubt.
      You don’t actually let people know how really nice you are, because you feel awkward being yourself.
      I think if you are yourself with people, atleast you will be genuine. And there’s no way to be accepted all the time from all kinds of people,so it’s OK being yourself.
      Express yourself,your values and interests when you talk to people and share them with people.
      That way you will find someone who really appreciates your personality and likes being with you.

  11. Tara

    I already got this down it’s only the keeping eye contact with people I find attaction with I’m having a bit of trouble and maybe maintaining a connection

  12. Tonite

    I am lacking of self confidence i even hide to people i know.. some individuals take me for granted when they found out my dis ability.. i want to overcome this but i dont know how to do it..please help me

  13. Mary

    Thank you. I enjoyed your video.
    It makes me wonder if you’ve ever worked with adults who have Selective (Situational) Mutism? My hunch is that you could make such a terrific difference in their life.

  14. Marsha

    I’m going to try this!

  15. Rhoda

    How to speak with a boss 20years younger than me

  16. Jaison Shaji

    I am pretty stoked in learning more about this. I am really struggling with my self confidence. I even hide from my own relatives. Thats how shy i am .Oh ,and one more thing, I am really scared to talk to people that i like,especially girls.I really think you,David,can help me overcome this. Just by watching one video i learned alot of things. Thanks Man!

  17. Anonymous

    Am so looking forward now in learning more about your instructions. Coz i really need it

  18. Anthony

    I purchased your conversation confidence book on paypal, and I never recieved it. There were no directions on how to access the book either. How would I be able to recieve it?

    • Viktor Sander

      Hi Anthony, you should have received login details on your email. Email us and we’ll fix it right away if there are any problems!

  19. Anonymous

    Can we still text if she didnt replies our first text

  20. Johnny gosney

    I deffinttly have a problem with my socail life. Infact it’s so bad i.stay away from people that I even know. Even my family.at times most the time people laugh at me an underestamate me because of what I talk about an my words I use.at times while I’m with people I get this feeling of total nervous Ness an a fear even.it gets so bad. I don’t even know how to act
    .

    • Ishika

      That’s my problem too !

    • Anonymous

      Same here like the harder I try the worse it gets.

  21. Morgan

    If this saves me, I’ll be forever grateful

  22. Baroque Keshi

    This video was actually really groundbreaking for me! I was professionally diagnosed with autism, and most of the “intervention” that I received revolved around making me think all the time about what other people thought of me. Not only did I develop horrific social anxiety, but I always felt like I was never getting anywhere with anyone. Now I realize why; I was getting bad information. I was being “anti-coached”. The stuff you said in this video is, in my uneducated opinion, what we should be teaching autistic people of all ages. Trust that I will take what I learnt here to heart, and hopefully get more success out of it than I ever did before in the past.

    • David Morin

      I’m sad to hear you were coached that way by them, but very happy that my video was helpful to you!

      David

  23. Safia

    Thank you very much David. I pray and hope that with time I will overcome my fears of facing challenges.

  24. Anonymous

    Ayesha
    thank you so much David
    you speak my heart
    i’m in a great need of your support ..
    lack of confidence is lagging me behind in every step of my life.
    please do help me
    Thank You
    stay blessed

  25. anonymous

    I found this by reasearching how to insert yourself into conversation as an exercise from my counselor.
    I also have an upcoming conversation I’m really nervous about, basically the first time I’ll be talking with a dude, just us at a place.
    I’m going to try this method when I meet with him, to see if it’ll help things go easier.

  26. Anonymous

    Thank you so much

  27. Tannu

    Nice video.

  28. Anonymous

    Really good video I’m going to try ofc I’ll practice it on people 😀😄😃😁

  29. Andrew

    Great video

  30. Kenneth Dan

    I wish to see changes in my social anxieties

  31. Danladi Kenneth

    I’ve read so many books and articles i pray your work for me

  32. Anonymous

    I will see in the coming days how this will help me to interact with people and how it will make me not avoid talking in front of other people

  33. Jim

    This seems really helpful. I think I’m going to give it a try as I really need to overcome my insecurities and nervousness in conversation. Thanks for the advice and I look forward to future videos!

  34. Bailey

    What a great read! I too thought a lot of these things were just me and that others don’t get as nervous in social situations. I was told the other day that I always seem so ‘perfect and put together’ which really just emphasizes the point that I am scared to make mistakes. I have definitely hidden away my insecurities from people in the thought that it is not focusing on the positives, and also the fear of being judged. I can relate to not thinking that I sound smart enough because of the anxiety and that leads to me cutting off conversations or saying unnecessary dumb stuff to fill in silences. I am going to now make a conscious effort to focus on the other person and also share my insecurities with people so that I can seem a little more relatable. Thank you for your help!

  35. Anonymous

    Thank you will definitely apply this method in the future.

  36. Elizabeth

    Elizabeth. Interesting video, found it helpful and intregued to learn from this course.

  37. Ruth

    Thank you! I’m sitting with my friend and 2 other ppl at lunch tomorrow and I’ll see if this works! I think it will, thanks again and I look forward to learning more!

  38. Ayee

    Thanks for the vid! I do get nervous when I talk to new people as well as most people who have authority. I’m really trying to change this about myself because I’m noticing that it’s affecting my relationships as well as how I carry myself. I see potential in your program so definitely excited!

  39. Cee

    Thank you for sharing this! I’m always having a hard time focusing to what the person I converse with tries to tell me and to what I should say next when the conversation is ongoing. Hearing from you made me think maybe I could calm down a bit next time. This is very helpful! 💓

  40. Anna

    Thank you! I will go on a trip with three people today, and am quite nervous – this helps a ton!

  41. Melly

    You are a HERO!!! Thank you so much for your kindness and I hope you continue doing what you doing. Keep on the good work! I’ll try this! It looks legit. Just by thinking about it makes sense to me! I’m so lucky to found you!

  42. sanaullah

    just watched the video now and will comment again only to see if OFC works .. seems potent way though . thanks a lot u r doing a great job

    • David Morin

      I look forward to hearing how it goes!

  43. Donna

    I must say that was amazing! Simple. I am looking forward to learning more!!

  44. Abdul

    Great video. Yes i will try it, but for me usually to find the first word is not easy that’s my problem actually. So how to find the first is it will help me. How to get the best way o find the first.

  45. Liz

    Thank you, David. I will definitely try this techniqu next time I go to one of my meet up groups. I am finding that I have a very hard time engaging with people, as well as in keeping a conversation going, as I have severe social anxiety and a general lack of social skills. Im looking for word to the rest of your emails. Again, thanks so much!!

  46. Jason

    This almost seems like a miracle. I’ve never been good with conversations but im going to have to start anew in college soon, and im really hoping this can help teach me and take some of the stress away. Thank you for the opportunity.

  47. Anonymous

    Chris

    Great video, thanks so much

  48. Aygul

    Great video. I am looking forward to your next lesson.

  49. Araka Okolie-aboh

    Nice to meet you brother…..

    Thanks a million times for the free training….

    I will continue to learn from you….

    Regards
    Araka Okolie-aboh

  50. Christina Higgins

    I’m lying in bed (on a Saturday night)- no social life and have just watched your experiment video OFC and found it fascinating and helpful. Craving more of this sort of help so look forward to your emails. I feel empty with nothing to give and I am not comfortable with myself. I hope you can help me.

  51. Bassin1

    I really like this simple, and normal way to become engaged in a conversation with someone that I had previously not known. I plan to use OFC in situations beginning later today. Thank you

  52. Akumaru

    Nice video, I was able to learn something new today. Thank you.

  53. Gillian

    This is the best training. Have actually picked a lot.

  54. aaron kinder

    i feel like this is gonna help a lot. thank you so much!!

  55. Diamond Nichole Francoi

    I’m a little younger than the audience this is targeted towards and being in middle school is hard enough. I recently started my first year at my new school and what’s so hard is that the kids there are…how do I say…just more outgoing and more of a ‘pose for snapchat/trendsetters’ while I and my old friends are more of a weird, quirky type.
    This is especially hard because my crush is part of these people. They all just say things and people laugh. And I can’t be funny because all my jokes were for people of my, I guess, a metaphorical ‘social class’ not the actual social class though. I’m very timid and I want to find a way to stand out more. I don’t want to say awkward things that make them say “that’s not funny” or stare at me. They are troublemakers and don’t care about grades type, while I don’t aspire to be the ‘don’t care about school type’, I want to attract people to me. Usually making conversation ends in awkward silence, because I can’t find anything else to talk about.
    I need to be more charismatic and charming I think, if you could help, that’d be great.

  56. Eugenie

    love the way it is coached.

    • David Morin

      Thank you Eugenie!

  57. Anonymous

    Very good. I think it will help me

  58. Rafa Rivas

    Great video. I want more. Is there any book with exercises?

    • David Morin

      We’re writing one right now! If you’re on our mailing list, I’ll let you know when it’s ready.

  59. Bryant

    More please

  60. Anonymous

    Informative video. Please send additional videos.

    • David Morin

      Glad you liked it!

  61. Anonymous

    I will try it tomorrow in school, thanks!

  62. Anton Watson

    Brilliant!!! Please send me more!!

  63. Hafiz Suliman

    Awesome video help me how to achieve a conversation I’m looking at!

  64. Anonymous

    That was very educative and captivating I never knew there were tactics on socializing😂😂

  65. taskeen

    good send me more plzzz

  66. Fiz

    really informative, I hope it works when i will try it.

  67. Vashisth

    A Very helpful video and will try the OFC method imediately.thank you david

  68. Anonymous

    pretty interesting, and easy to apply with out overtaxing my brain. very simplistic!. I can’t wait to learn more.

  69. Anonymous

    Thanks for sharing… I’m curious, though… do family personalities/traits have anything to do with our ability to communicate? How about personal issues… like personality disorders… can they have any bearing on a person’s ability to communicate? And if so, do you think your videos will have breakthrough results in these areas?

  70. Anonymous

    Everyone says that i am very quite and shy.I am only talkative to close friends and family. Please help me to become a smart and talkative person

  71. Anonymous

    Helpful, will give it a shot!

  72. Therese

    Thanks for the useful advice. I’m going to try testing this out

  73. Eldad

    That is Nice.
    It give an chance to have a good communication with people.
    I am looking forward for the next video.

  74. Anonymous

    What about eye contact?

  75. Jenny

    I’m really exited for the next videos because I’m such an over thinker. I always think about what the other person thinks of me instead of actually listening to them. This alone has been a huge help!

  76. Sonia

    Thanks, very inspiring!

  77. Linda

    Very interesting & useful! Thanks David, look forward to seeing more

  78. SK

    I do believe these are going to help me a lot coz I’m kinda the one who just keeps on listening or observe making it the only monologue. Oh! the awkward silences are real buggers too.
    Please do upload new videos quickly!! Can’t wait to learn and change myself.

  79. Rae

    this gives me a whole new perspective on socializing, will give it a shot!

  80. Ozan

    Wouldn’t it be better if she met with different strangers in every stage of this study?

    • David Morin

      Great question! We discussed doing that, but then her nervosity would slowly decrease over time simply because she got used to talking to strangers, ie habituation. We would then need several test participants. We argued that since the method has already been proven in a study, it’s enough to illustrate it with one person.

      Here’s the study: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17521604

      • Christeena

        I’m wondering whether introducing a second stranger would influence her level of nervousness, whether by increasing or decreasing it? To me it seemed it had more to do with her internal state (whether she was focusing inwards or outwards). When she was naturally self-conscious, she was more nervous and again in the third coaching (anti-coach) when you told her to focus on she taught Patrick viewed her (again back to focusing inwards), we saw similar results. So I’m concluding if she was introduced to a second stranger following the second coaching (the good coaching), the results would have been similar to the second conversation she had with Patrick. I’m hoping this all made some sense.

        So glad I came up on this space and the resources you provide! I look forward to putting some of these tips into motion!

        Thank you!

  81. Anonymous

    Kinda skeptical of how it will work but I’ll give it a shot

    • David Morin

      No problem, I can see why it seems too easy to be true. But this is actually a skill you can practice and it’s not always that easy, but it’s very effective once you can do it automatically. Let me know how it goes!

  82. Anonymous

    add more video plz

  83. Anonymous

    Great video, will start with OFC and look forward to the rest of the videos.

  84. nathalie

    Thank you! My therapist gave me a exercise to focus on the other person instead of myself and my anxiety, but I didn’t know how to do it. These are some great tools! Thanks

  85. Christopher

    I thank you so much!
    With all love Christopher

  86. Martina

    Thanks you for the vid, i find it very intresting and helpful!

    • David Morin

      Good to hear, thank you Martina!

  87. Anonymous

    Thank you . Video was great… I will try OFC for sure

    • David Morin

      Let me know how it goes. I’m happy to give you some pointers if you want it.

  88. Debbie

    How can this be used to help a teenager (15) who gets very anxious and avoids going somewhere or trying out for sports when they don’t know other teenagers?

    Thank you,

    • David Morin

      Hi,

      Try showing her the video and see what she thinks!

      David

  89. Amber

    I struggle with anxiety a severe case when I’m in a big room or area with strangers my heart beat speeds up and my hands start to sweat and I get real stiff what kind I do to get rid of that?

    • Noah B

      You cannot “get rid of” anxiety. Your body’s response will change over time as you try to be social and learn that it’s not unsafe (your body’s reason for having anxiety). You gain more confidence and the anxiety just lessens over time. If you never challenge anxiety (by facing what makes you anxious) it won’t go away by itself.

    • Biju

      According to my observation, this happens because your focus gets divided among so many people. Instead focus on one face at a time, and keep moving through many faces in the crowd, it’s important to look at faces close to you and further from you, left right and center. When you focus on these faces marvel at the wonder of nature and how varied these faces are, this is to bring a small smile to your stare.
      This is the same as OFC, it’s ok to be nervous in a large gathering, focus on faces, be curious about those faces.

      • Riki Brown

        My friend.

    • Riki Brown

      🐝 yourself.

      • edward

        i am really hasving problem sociaslizing. what should i do?

  90. Anonymous

    great analysis, im working on it,

    thanks bro

    • David Morin

      Glad you liked it!

      • Anonymous

        Loved it…OFC. Will use it♥️

  91. Anonymous

    Hi. I find it hard to keep a conversation going when I get nothing back from the other person. Any tips?

    • David Morin

      That’s a tough one, if you get nothing back, it’s almost impossible because that means they don’t want to talk (or they are really nervous/stiff/shy).

      The question is why you don’t get anything back? Is it because you don’t show interest in them and only talk about what you find interesting? Is it a new person or someone you know from before? I’d start looking at the reasons why you get nothing back and trying to experiment with different approaches there. Like showing more interest in others, asking more follow-up questions, and see if that changes something.

    • Biju

      Learn to read body language instead, be curious about body language. For example is the other person’s feet facing straight towards you or pointing away from you. The person you are talking to can sometimes choose to remain silent but they are sure unable to hide body language signs. If the feet are pointing towards you then there is interest but the person is too nervous to talk to you. Try to talk about something non personal at this juncture in order to open a conversation. If the feet are pointing away from you, then they are not interested in a talk. The reason is not always you, it might be that they had a bad day at work. Thinking it’s always about you is being self centered.

  92. Anonymous

    Thank u David

    • David Morin

      Thanks for watching! 🙂

  93. zadock

    Great video, hope this will help me because am just socially shy and I find it hard to talk to strangers. Am eager to watch more and ready to practice.

    • Riki Brown

      I think you’re interesting.

  94. Yosef

    This is amazing !
    thank you so much for doing this, i`m really excited to see whats comming next

  95. Hayder Abdulmajeed

    Great video! Excited to see the rest

    • David Morin

      Glad you liked it! I think you’ll like the rest 🙂

  96. Kreepa

    Awesome video! Thank you.

    • David Morin

      Thanks!

  97. Anonymous

    Freakin amazing. And for free, it’s almost like a dream.

    • Riki Brown

      Dreams come true. Just believe in yourself.

  98. Shyneka

    I agree fantastic film clip
    Good Coaching will do it everytime..

    • Riki Brown

      You have what I call wisdom.

  99. Phyllis

    I am looking for suggestions how to help adult daughter who is hyper talker.
    It is hard to be around her because she talks so fast ; I want to say stop and breathe!
    Thank you for any suggestions.
    Phyllis

    • Riki Brown

      Let her be when she needs to be. Maybe ask her to use her words more carefully. You might find that it’s poetry in motion.

  100. Lenzy

    Please can you help me to be a better communicator with my wife after being put down and receiving what may be considered unhealthy criticism for 5yrs .

    • Riki Brown

      Open your eyes to her. See her for what she could be.

  101. Anonymous

    It all make sense can you Help me to communicate with my wife and build heathy borders to prevent being talked down to .

  102. Anonymous

    I was sent this video by my wife. I received a lot of great insight to a few things to work on like eye contact and confidence. As I said i suffer at communication due ito a lack of confidence. And being talked down to like a child when a parent constantly tells them they will never be anything.

  103. Anonymous

    What do you when you don’t what to talk about

    • Anonymous

      First of all I’m participating in this because I love my wife and out of pure respect for her feelings am I willing to try it. So with that said here we go.

    • Riki Brown

      Say anything.

  104. Nekka

    This makes absolute sense. Just allow the body to do what it wants and accept it really helps me. Thank you! I will practice and apply.

  105. Judy

    Nice and thank you. It is a start

    • Anonymous

      I have no quams with admitting I’m wrong because I can’t know it all . I admit that I have room for improvement so if she thinks it will help I’m willing to try it with my whole heart. My communication skill suck. Due to some things such as a put downs and a few others. A once social butterfly has went back into the cacoon can you help me now that you’ve been more informed of my situation?

      • Riki Brown

        Patience is a virtue. Never stop improving yourself. I prefer meditation myself.

  106. Jose

    I will try it on a person at work that I am attracted to every time o see her my heart rise and my mouth stops.

  107. Amy

    I know that I am confident, but I tend to second-guess myself and get anxious, especially when conversating with people I’m not too familiar with, while also speaking at a fast pace (bad habit I have around anyone). I want more awareness of myself in a conversation(in general; like dos and don’ts) while also increasing my focus on the other person in a curious way. Thank you for these videos!

    • David Morin

      Good goals Amy, I see you have already thought about this topic quite a bit already which is great. Being aware and acknowledging our problems is always the first step. 🙂

      • Anonymous

        I too will work on my goals and have confidence in my decisions. Regardless of what others think. I will build heathy borders and not shut down.

    • Dan

      Same story here! Sometimes I’m really confident, positive and assertive; other times I feel myself quite fragile and couldn’t handle even a conversation with the colleague I know..

      Great video! The first one of about 50 articles I have read on the topic so far.

      Thank you & looking forward for the next ones

  108. K

    I have the same problem. It feels like whenever i want to meet someone it is more forced. I also have problem with small talk and don’t know how to get through it. Awkward silences are also something that happen a lot 🙁

  109. Anonymous

    This is great. I’m wondering how it applies to those conversations with people that aren’t total strangers but you also don’t feel comfortable with. I find I have difficulty being in my own head less with strangers and more with people I’m “supposed to” know well or be able to keep conversation with.

    • Anonymous

      Same thing with my teenage daughter! I am hoping to help her to be more comfortable with her classmates. She can connect better with people she just met than those she has known for years.

  110. Anonymous

    Wow it’s a awesome video,I guess I need to practice. Thanks for sharing with us.

    • David Morin

      Glad you enjoyed it! Let me know how it goes!

      • Stephen

        Am 61 years old, trying to relate to people in their 20’-50’ age group. It a one week event every year. Everyone seems to know each other. Having trouble trying to fit in.

        • Biju

          First of all it’s good hanging out with young people. If this time you don’t get too much acceptance by the tribe, it’s just a sign you need to do this more often. I know a 96 year old lawyer who teaches just to stay connected to young people. Find avenues where you can connect with young. Go to a local couchsurfing weekly meeting, if there is none try starting one in your town or city. Be the organizer lend your experience to help young connect.

  111. Kelly

    It helped me in a little way but please do send more videos to me
    Thank you so much

    • Anonymous

      Yes please you have some great ideas

  112. Anonymous

    thank you.

  113. Kaviz

    Thanks!!It is really helpful. OFC

  114. Anonymous

    Pls more videos

    • David Morin

      Working on it! 🙂

  115. Bumba

    Hope this helps me out! It’s hard but it’s worth it.

    • David Morin

      It gets easier with more practise 🙂 Keep going!

  116. Anonymous

    good video! I just thing that the concept of self image and subjective priority regarding what one considers as good characteristics about oneself are big factors as well. e.g i meet a new person and i think that I am a very attractive person and at the same time i think that my good looks help a lot in making people like me and that helps me feel comfortable in such a situation i will feel confident with regards to my looks, but in another situation say i think looks make people like me but i don’t think of myself as an attractive person then i will not be confident. a solution in this case will be to change my perspective to thinking that my looks do not matter and what i say matters more, then regardless of my looks i will feel comfortable that is if i am a confident speaker.

    • Anonymous

      Thanks a lot as a somewhat average looking person this helped me be more confident when making conversations with people.

  117. Michele

    What a gift, thank you for your work and for sharing.

  118. Nina

    This makes so much sense. Thank You!!!!!!

  119. Anonymous

    It works. By just staying curious with what the other person is saying, i sometimes found myself really interested in our topic.
    It’s very nice, thank you.

  120. Linn

    Great video!

    • Anonymous

      Great video