Confident and relaxed in conversations


How to become relaxed and confident in any conversation

In this article, you’ll learn

  • Two tricks that will make you feel more self-confident in conversations in just a few minutes.
  • How a simple misunderstanding causes most people to feel nervous and tense in vain.
  • The mindset that has helped me the most in becoming a self-confident person.

Often, the more relaxed we feel, the better our conversations flow. Therefore it’s really important to work on becoming comfortable and relaxed when talking to people you’ve just met.

How to feel more confident in conversations in less than 2 minutes, according to new research.

In an experiment, scientists asked people to position themselves in a way that took up a lot of space – a so-called power pose.

When the participants had held this pose for just 2 minutes, testosterone levels in their blood had increased by 20 percent, and cortisol, a stress hormone, had decreased by 25 percent.

testosterone and self-confidence

Similar studies showed that in a similar way, you will feel more self-confident if you simply act more self-confident.

You don’t need to strike a power pose every time you talk to someone, it’s enough to behave in a confident way to feel more confident. The first time I heard about these findings I didn’t believe it would work out as well as it actually does. I recommend you to actually test this to feel the difference:

You can’t force yourself into just “feeling confident”, but you can force yourself into acting confident.

In general, It’s important to not try to be someone else in social situations. But there’s one exception to this. You can play the role of a relaxed and confident person. As the studies proved, if you act in a confident way, you will feel more confident.

In a short time, this acted self-confidence turns into real self-confidence.

When you act confidently, you will automatically adjust a number of things:

You will…

A good rule of thumb is to act like when you’re in a relaxed environment with a good friend.

Something that helped me a lot was knowing that when I acted self-confidently, people saw me as self-confident, and that made me genuinely more relaxed and confident.

When acting self-confident, don’t try to keep every detail about what you can change to look confident in your head, just remember this rule:

Act like everyone you meet is an old friend.

How social media makes us less confident and how to feel confident despite it

In a study, researchers discovered that scrolling the Facebook feed too much lowers our self-esteem and even can make us feel depressed. This is called “Facebook Depression”

One theory is that when we do, we feel bad because we see how everyone else seems to have more fun in life than we are having. And that’s an illusion of course because people only share the very highlights of their lives on Facebook. But it can create the illusion that others have fun together while we are on our own.

This illusion existed long before Facebook. A classic example is how it LOOKS like everyone is having a great time at parties and standing in groups laughing when in reality most people feel quite nervous and think they are the only ones who aren’t feeling 100% self-confident.

The reason for this is that we can only feel our own feelings, obviously, and it’s hard for the brain to realize how most people are actually quite insecure.

Here are some hard facts:

  • Every 15th person you meet qualifies for Social Phobia.
  • Every 6th person you meet qualifies for some kind of anxiety disorder.
  • Every 3rd person you meet say that they feel uncomfortable in social situations three times per week or more, we can assume that’s every time they meet new people.

It’s really helpful to know this because that helps us take people down from their pedestal and realize that – while people try to cover it up the best they can – they’re often quite insecure on the inside.

And now to the trick: The next time you sit on the bus or take a walk, study people and try to visualize them with their insecurities.

Notice how something weird happens: YOU start to feel more confident. Your brain is re-calibrating and you will start to see people more for who they are.

Notice how it would be easier to start a conversation with someone you know is nervous, compared to someone who’s super confident.

So the next time you are on your way to a social event, remember that most people are quite insecure. Combine that with meeting them like old friends, and practice conversation with the chapter on how to start talking to people you just met.

In summary

  • Fake confidence and act relaxed by meeting people like if they’re all old friends, until you feel truly relaxed and self-confident.
  • When you enter a party – be aware people aren’t as confident as they seem.
  • Whenever you get the chance, visualize people’s insecurities to re-calibrate your mind.