Comments (8)

  1. Bill

    Hi. I dont really know how i found this site. Most of my life i have felt like an outsider; lonely and depressed. I’ve always had problems making friends. There has only been one time in my life, in the military, when I had two close male friends and then over time those went away because we all moved to different states. I spent years without even one friend. Today i am married, 62,unemployed,lonely and depressed and have not one true friend. My current wife seems my polar opposite. She’s the brightest thing in my life. I cannot really understand what she sees in me. I feel I let her down. I have 3 children from a previous marriage and none of them want to be bothered with me. I am not violent, abusive nor on any substance or alcohol. Never have been. For the life of me i cannot understand why i cannot connect with people. I have missed opportunities because of this which have affected my income and lifestyle. Now I remember how I came across this site. I was searching for help for depression. it’s unbearable at this point. I cannot imagine living the rest of my life like this. I hate waking up because I feel a weight drop on me as soon as I open my eyes.. I feel stuck…

    • Vesper

      Bill,

      I don’t know how long ago you posted this message, but I’m sad no one has replied to you and I felt compelled to take a moment to say hello. I’m glad to hear you have a wife who loves you and brings light to your life. Everyone deserves this. I’m not an expert on friendships and I have no solid advice to give you. I struggle myself with trusting people enough to let them in and being interesting enough to get them to stay, but I just wanted you to know at least one person in this world read what you posted, was moved by your words, and cared enough to respond. I hope the sun is shining on you today and you’re looking forward to spring. Smile. 🙂

  2. John

    Hi Viktor. This is why I wonder why I was ever born. I have 3 close friends but they all have lots more friends and can rarely see me. I am lonely and can see the day when they will never have time for me and then I’ll have no one. You are clearly so self obsessed that you don’t consider the feelings of your friends. Please can you think before you post anything so vile again.

    • Viktor Sander

      I’m sorry you feel so hurt by this article John. That was never my intention. 🙁

      We often get questions about why people don’t keep in touch. With this article, David and I wanted to bring light to some of those reasons, to help bring light to some behaviors we all do subconsciously. Nobody can be perfect, but sometimes some counterproductive behaviors take over too much in our communication. And then we start losing friends without having any control or idea why. That SUCKS. It’s maybe one of the worst feelings anyone can feel. I want to help people in your situation to regain some of that control and break the negative spiral.

      When we become aware of our bad habits, we can start working on them so people drawn towards us instead of pushed away.

  3. Eric

    I think as people get older, friendships become less important. I’m not talking about the friendships of proximity. Those that involve people you see consistently because of things like work, school, community, etc. When you factor all the people you have to associate and communicate with because of your life situation, along with other obligations, there is almost no time for friends. At least friendships that have substance and depth. Most of the people a typical person calls a friend is really more an associate or acquaintance. Once the situation or circumstance changes (new job, move to another town, graduate, etc) the relationship usually dissolves. All communication discontinues rather quickly, in my experience. I used to get sad and upset when this would happen. Now I know this is just part of being an adult. Situations matter and situations change. For this reason, I don’t really make a concerted effort to make new friends. I’d rather continue building and maintaining the few actual friends I do have. Said friends have been in my life for over 20 years.

    • Viktor Sander

      Wise words Eric, what you’re saying really needs to be emphasized. It’s hard to have time for more than a few friends when you are getting settled in life, because of all the social obligations you already have.

  4. Adrienne McQuillan

    Hi, David and Victor. I am guilty of these awful habits.It’s a hard habit to stop when you have been doing it for so long. I already had a feeling that was one of my problems. The reason for this is that I was delta life of dysfunction. I am physically fit good looking well groomed. Have a good life as far as material things go. But its like I have always been sad and paranoid.But I see a light ahead this training of yours is a step in the right direction.

    Regards Adrienne

    • Viktor Sander

      Hi Adrienne, I think we are all guilty of these bad habits to various degrees. But I’m happy you see a light ahead of you. You are awesome for sharing!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.