What I do when socializing just feels boring

My co-living has a pool table and I’ve never used it.

Why?

Because I hate pool.

I feel like a failure when I play because I can’t make the cue get those round thingys into the holes.

I’ve always been bored by what I don’t master.

It was the same with social settings. I wasn’t good at it so I couldn’t see the fun in it.

But being socially savvy has more benefits in life than playing pool, so I practiced it even if it didn’t like it.

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The point is that I don’t expect you to think it’s fun to socialize.

It’s like, why go to a social setting, go through all the pain and then not get anything out of it?

Here’s what one of our readers wrote:

“I don’t find social interactions very enjoyable and they cost a lot of energy.

I know anxiety and negative believes are playing a major role in this, but I also think I need more stimulation during interactions.”

To me, there’s a single thing that decides if I think a social gathering is fun: If I connect with someone.

If I connected with someone, I enjoyed that event. If I didn’t, it felt like a waste of time.

If you don’t like socializing, it makes sense to start off focusing on that one thing: Being good at getting a connection with someone. All the other things can wait.

Being consciously aware of this changes a lot of things…

For example, if you want to make a connection, you don’t want to go to loud parties or clubs, because it’s the wrong kind of energy for real connections.

Instead, I like calmer events with people who might be like minded. (Like, friends of friends you like, or certain meetups.)

I went to those places and practiced the “personal mode” way of making conversation with people I thought I might like.

In my opinion, that’s the most effective way to get that connection.

When I clicked, I felt like I was doing something right, and it became F U N.

I love asking myself “What would make [insert something I don’t like] more fun?” And then focus on doing that thing.

Because when something is fun, it gives energy instead of taking energy. When something is fun, you don’t need discipline but you do it by free will.

In my case with social events, that fun thing is to get a connection with a nice person.

Think back to the last time you connected with someone. Why did you connect? And what’s a lesson from that time we all can learn from?

Share that with us in the comments below!

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David Morin is the founder of SocialPro. He's been writing about social skills since 2012. Follow on Twitter or read more.

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4 thoughts on “What I do when socializing just feels boring”

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  1. Love your work David. A lot of my experience growing my social skill and “prowess” that I ‘ve developed on my own mirrors alot in what you write.

    It’s great stuff, and I imagine you are providing a lot of value for people. Keep on doing what you’re doing.

    Best, Andrew from Toronto

    Reply
  2. I like the comparison of socializing to a game of pool, in which one may not want to play because it’s no fun when you feel you’re no good at it at all. To me, it helps me view socializing as just another “game” and not so anxiety-ridden.

    Reply

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