David A. Morin

8 years ago, I committed to build my social confidence and become great at connecting with people.

Hundreds of books and thousands of interactions later, I'm ready to share with the world what I’ve learned.

The interest in my findings has been beyond my dreams. We now have 30 000 members taking our courses. Perhaps you’ve seen my writing in magazines like Business Insider and Lifehacker.

Follow me on Twitter or Read more.

8 years ago, I committed to build my social confidence and become great at connecting with people.

Hundreds of books and thousands of interactions later, I'm ready to share with the world what I’ve learned.

The interest in my findings has been beyond my dreams. We now have 30 000 members taking our courses. Perhaps you’ve seen my writing in magazines like Business Insider and Lifehacker.

Follow me on Twitter or Read more.

Daniel Wendler

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Comments (15)

  1. Sami

    Hi

    I actually have a question and I hope I can get a reply because it is really concerning me.

    There is a girl I like, but the problem is that she has a boyfriend.

    When interacting with her I got two different signs, a positve sign and a negative sign.

    The positive sign is that she did stare at me a couple of times and usually smile when we greet each other.

    The negative sign is that she ignored me and she acted as if she didn’t see me. That actually happened once.

    My question is: Does she have a crush on me or should I move on?

    Thanks

  2. Ella

    The advice offered here applies to most other areas of life too. If we want to get along we have to compromise.

    • Viktor Sander

      That’s an interesting perspective. I see your point!

  3. May

    Hi,
    My issue is that I’m often seen as “too much”. I’m like an eager puppy when meeting new people, and though I think I’m pretty down and composed, people experience me as too much. How can I down-adjust my eagerness?
    It’s only positive energy, but I’m coming across as a bulldozer anyhow, and I’ve gotten feedback from job interviews that I was just too much for them, even in sales positions. I’m trying to understand how to calm down and not run across other people.
    Please help.
    May

    • David Morin

      Hi May, I must say that I respect your self-awareness. Most people who are like you have no idea they come off too strong.

      You have already done the first step, to become aware of when you come off as “too much”. The next step after that is to start adjusting your behavior in those situations. A natural way to do this is by learning to relax so you can reset yourself to neutral and then adapt your energy to the other person. You can try out the yoga breathe technique in this article: https://socialpronow.com/blog/uncomfortable-around-people/

  4. reza

    hello david, I have a problem with my energy level. Recently, I had a talk with a close friend and from here I realized that my energy level is too low, even if I try to increase it I feel like I’m already high but people still sees me lacking energy. I also have a very soft voice that hard to be heard even if I try to speak clearly. She also said that people see me as a sad person which perhaps because I am depressed. These push away people from me. My question is how to appear positive and friendly with my condition? wish you good luck. thank you.

    • Victoria

      I sware you described me. We are the same person! I try and try to come off happy and talkative but people see me as the complete opposite. It really sucks but im glad I’m not the only one.

  5. Christine

    David,

    Is there a descriptive word that encompasses the affect certain people have on others where social energy is involved? I, for instance, tend to receive very strong reactions from others depending on my social energy whether it be positive or negative. I understand your ideas about social energy and how to use it and I often do. I enjoy meeting new people and making new friends. I can raise or lower my social energy to meet people where they are. I’ve been told that I am like a magnet, that I draw people to me. I probably also repel some. But I also get very bad reactions from others if I let my social energy consciousness drop and happen to be in a bad mood. Is this a regular occurrence for most people? Why does it seem that everyone takes my mood or energy so personal? Why am I affecting them so strongly? It happens when I’m happy too, though for obvious reasons that is not often as disturbing. As a side note I have a lovely connection with animals and interact with multiple animals on a daily basis. Is there a reason the animals and I are in sync and my interactions with humans are so dependent on my mood and social energy? Thanks in advance.

    • Anonymous

      I also have this issue.

    • David Morin

      Hi Christine!

      One thing that comes to mind is if people feel like your occasionally low energy is directed towards them, in other words that you’re not having the energy to show liking towards people.

      If so, they might take it very personal. In case you’re low energy, but smile and show that you like people, they are usually very accepting.

  6. Onan

    Regarding “negative high social energy,” ought not the description include “talk with a loud voice”? If not, why not? In either case, why talk LOUD, especially at a social gathering where likely two people are trying to have a reasonably soft (i.e., not too loud) conversation? Also, in either case, it seems the loud-talking person is somewhat lacking in “situational awareness,’ or is aware but feels entitled to not give others reasonable consideration.

    • David Morin

      You’re right Onan, there are several occations where you SHOULDN’T use a loud voice. However, a person with a positive high energy isn’t afraid to use a loud voice whenever needed – such as in a loud environment. It doesn’t mean that you always have to use a loud voice to be seen as someone with a high positive energy.

      Thanks for pointing that out!

  7. Simone

    lol’ed so hard at the bella-analogy 😀
    I’d say im prob more towards the low energy and positive scale mostly.

    • Anonymous

      LOL! Me too 😀

  8. Adjusting is something I struggled with for years. I didn’t realize different situations and people required more than just one way of interacting. Some people may think it’s “fake” or restricting yourself but really, it’s natural. You can’t be on a different page with someone you don’t know yet before they have time to know you.