Won’t I lose who I am if I change?

I just spoke with a friend who lives in my house. She moved to the US from India a while back.

Because of that, she pronounces some words differently, so that sometimes people don’t understand her.

Here’s where we come to one of these interesting “peeks under the hood” of people’s inner workings.

She’s 1) SUPER motivated to be understood and to be successful in the US. But 2) Not very interested in changing her pronunciation.

I got flustered. To me, those two views don’t go together. So, I poked around until she said: read more

18 tricks to make people respect you more

The times in my life where I didn’t feel respected, I got overwhelmed by even thinking about trying to turn it around. I bashed myself. My self-esteem tanked.

I know how frustrating and painful it can be to not be respected, and I will share my most valuable methods for how to get out of that place.

No matter what this lack of respect looks like in your life, it can be fixed:

Like with most lifestyle changes (and that’s what this is!), becoming a person who is worthy of respect can be done by making one small change at a time. read more

Interview with Hayley Quinn

Dating coach Hayley Quinn teaches men and women a new approach to love which emphasizes personal responsibility, action, empathy and a belief that you can design the life you want to lead. She has been featured in media powerhouses like BBC One and Elle.

What’s the biggest misconception people have about becoming better socially, in your opinion?

That more is more. I think whilst a huge social circle and parties all weekend sounds aspirational – I believe it’s actually far more valuable to have close friends who you can rely on and gain emotional security. As well as recognizing that having time spent with yourself is equally as valuable. I’d advise anyone who is working on their social or dating life to still create time for reflection and themselves in order to keep a clear head about what’s really important to them. read more

How to Take Up More Space in Social Settings

As an introvert, we lose energy in social settings. Many people think that being an introvert means that we’re shy. While this may be the case, many introverted people are not shy. Nor, does being an introvert mean that we hate social settings or people for that matter. We enjoy people and going to social events. However, our energy levels are drained by social events; especially those with people that we don’t know. To regain our energy, we need some time alone to recharge our energy levels. On the other hand, extroverted people gain energy when in social settings and lose energy when they are alone. read more

How to Make Eye Contact Even if It Makes You Uncomfortable

As an over-thinker, it can be difficult to determine how much eye contact is the right amount of eye contact. Should we glance away when someone is talking? Or, only when we’re talking? Where should we look? Is it better to stare into the other person’s eyes or at an imaginary target in the middle of their forehead? What should we look at when we glance away?

Wow, as an avid analyzer, that’s a lot of questions that must be answered.

Luckily, I’ve spent a lot of time considering this topic and have answers that will make even the most uncomfortable feel at ease with eye contact during conversations. Instead of becoming hyper-focused on eye contact, which can make the situation more awkward, anyone who follows these steps will be sure that they are showing proper interest without becoming creepy. read more

How to deal with hate and criticism

A week ago I tried setting up an ad on Reddit to promote our free training.

As you know by now, I love hearing what people think about SocialPro. Maybe that’s why SocialPro is so successful today. Naturally, I wanted to allow comments on my ad to hear people’s thoughts.

Checking in after a few hours, I was quite surprised to see the comments.

You can see all comments here: https://www.reddit.com/comments/7vqyks/heres_a_free_video_training_called_conversation/

It’s fascinating with hate comments like these. Because even if they are from people who don’t know me and clearly hates ads, they still make me sad and uncomfortable. read more

How to Stop Overthinking in Social Settings

Overthinking in social settings can happen to anyone. However, people who overthink in all settings can be paralyzed by social settings. What do overthinkers worry about in social settings? They ruminate over things they’ve done in the past during social events and worry about what is going to happen at their next social event.

What is ruminating? Ruminating is replaying things repeatedly that happened during the past.

“I looked like an idiot the last time when I met someone new. Why did no one tell me my zipper was down.” read more

Interview with Tripp Kramer of Tripp Advice

Tripp Kramer runs the blog trippadvice.com, helping guys get over social fears and find great women by being their most attractive and confident selves.

You were shy when you were younger, was there an insight or moment that triggered you to turn it around?

When I was 23 years old I was drinking on the weekends to meet girls. And one night I got so drunk, that I went up and approached a girl and it went terribly.

At this point, I realized that drinking was NOT the solution. I needed to figure out how to meet a girl and be sober.

To me, that seemed like a superpower because you could go up to any woman without having to rely on a crutch. I wanted the ability to talk to any girl at any time and have the chance of getting a date. read more

How to Bond Fast with People in a New City

Moving to a new city is exciting. Whether moving for a fantastic work opportunity or to experience the culture of a city, the thought of having new experiences is thrilling. Depending on the size of the city, there can be hundreds of new sites to visits; everything from new restaurants and coffee shops, to local tourist attractions, or museums.

However, moving to a new city can be isolating when we don’t know anyone else who lives there. It is easy to get into the trap that everyone is involved with other people and activities. As a result, we’re outsiders that no one will want to meet. Not to mention, when moving to a new area, we’re are busy setting up our new home. It is hard to find time to meet new friends when we’re busy setting up cable, trash disposal, and our electric service. read more

How to Never Run Out of Things to Say on a Date

Is it possible to never run out of things to say on a date?

I mean, to an extent. It is possible to never run out of things to say on a date but only if you have a pre-set idea of what topics you could bring up, what possible questions you can ask, etc. Hence why I’ve created this article.

Take these questions with a grain of salt; you don’t need to recite them like a laundry list but you can use them as a safety net to have in case you run into the… dreaded awkward silence.

No matter how spontaneous or spunky you are, whether it is nerves or you are having an off day, going out on a date can be a nervous experience. read more

The system I use to avoid bad habits

My friend Andreas came over from Sweden a few days ago. He works with me here in NYC.

His visit makes me really happy – and it’s so fun spending time with him and working together on something I love.

SocialPro has grown so much the last year. All in all, we are now 7 people in “Team SocialPro” and over 1000 new participants join our free training every month.

None of this would have been possible if it wasn’t for you.

This all reminds me of a great mindset a friend (thanks Simon!) taught me a while ago. read more

A Guide to Reading the Room and Knowing What People Think About You

As analytical people, we love to study what other people are doing. However, when we perceive that behavior is a direct reflection of our actions, we tend to overthink or misconstrue what we know about human behavior. It is important not to doubt our instincts. We have spent years honing our ability to read people. Now its time to take advantage of our instincts.

Why do we overthink or misconstrue people’s behaviors when it relates to us? The main reasons we overanalyze is because we are worried about what people are thinking about us. As a result, we become hyper-focused on every verbal or non-verbal cue that a person communicates and attribute it to ourselves. read more

3 Steps to Improve Your Social Life

As we continue climbing further into adulthood, many of us begin to notice that maintaining a social life becomes increasingly more difficult.

Unless we want our only friends to be our coworkers, we can no longer assume we will make friends in passing like we did in high school and college when our lives and schedules were constantly changing. Instead, we have to be intentional about where and with whom we spend our time.

If your social life could use some improvement, the following three tips will help you to add variety and depth to your boring or limited social spheres. read more

The Introvert’s Guide to Personal Development

As introverts, we have a tendency to be keenly aware of our shortcomings.

We are our own worst critics, and if we aren’t careful we can easily slip into periods of depression as a result of what we perceive to be a plethora of imperfections.

But we can avoid these negative side effects of our introspection by creating personal development plans that provide us with a structure for turning our weaknesses into strengths.

Personal development plans are short- or long-term goals combined with an action plan for accomplishing them.  These plans also include a list of resources to be utilized throughout the process and other components that improve the likelihood for success such as mentorship, accountability, and self-reflection. read more

Why some succeed in life and others do not

How come some are successful at everything they do while others seem to not go anywhere in their lives?

Behavioral scientists know why, and have been able to attribute a lot of success in people’s lives to a concept they call “Internal Locus of Control”.

I have two friends who are both smart, driven and social. If you just hung out with them for a day, you wouldn’t notice any fundamental differences between them.

Still, one of them is wildly successful while the other one gets nowhere in his life. read more