Can you have too little social anxiety?

Hi, what’s up?

I know a guy with ZERO social anxiety.

I think it’s because he lives a yogi lifestyle where he meditates several hours per day. (Meditation lowers anxiety.)

Without anxiety, he must have an amazing social life, right?

Wrong. He’s a living proof that social anxiety has a purpose.

The purpose of social anxiety is this, according to science:

The function of social anxiety is to increase arousal and attention to social interactions, inhibit unwanted social behavior, and motivate preparation for future social situations. (ref.) read more

How I deal with social fear

Back in the day, there was a huge festival in the Netherlands I always wanted to go to.

So one year, my friends decided to go and I had my chance to join. But I didn’t.

I said it was because I couldn’t afford it. But the real reason was fear.

I was too afraid to go there and meet a bunch of strangers in a place I’ve never been to. I told myself “I’ll go another year instead”.

But later, the festival closed down. My chance was gone for good.

I’m thankful that I’ve now learned a new way to think about fear. read more

When it feels like others judge you, do this.

Ever felt like when you’re about to say something, people will judge you?

Or, that people judge you already when you walk into the room?

Here’s what one of our readers wrote to me:

“I find it difficult to start and continue conversations, and worry that everything I’m doing is being judged by others.”

My strongest memory of this was at a dinner with other startup owners. I hadn’t achieved as much as they had, and I felt like a fraud.

The way they looked at me confirmed that they were on to me. (At least, that’s what it felt like.) read more

Why you find your best friends at the nerdiest places

A friend and I took a walk in Manhattan the other night.

We came across this guy who had brought his huge telescope to the street.

He had it pointed at the Moon. He let us watch, and the detail was AMAZING!

He had a phone mount on his telescopes, which meant that I could actually film the moon with my own phone!

Here’s the clip I filmed:
https://socialpronow.vids.io/videos/489ad1bc1c13ea…

Isn’t it mind-boggling that you can hear us talking on a street corner in NYC, but feel like you’re next to the moon? read more

Is it bad to spend too much time with a friend?

I had a friend who I used to hang out with almost every day. Problem was, as the time passed by, I started to get more and more annoyed with him.

Why?

Well, he tended to talk a lot and wasn’t a very good listener. Over time, I started prioritizing other friends. Finally, it came to the point where I stopped returning his calls. (I still feel bad because of that, and I know that I should have tried to bring the issue up with him first.)

In either case, this must mean that hanging out with a friend every day is bad for the friendship, right? read more

The 11 Secrets of Highly Popular People

What are the hidden principles behind why some people are so popular?

Luckily, there’s an entire industry built around popularity: The movie industry. Movie creators know exactly how to make a character popular (or unpopular). By studying Hollywood creations like superheroes, we can unveil the secrets of highly popular people and learn how to adapt these principles to ourselves.

What is Popularity?

We define a popular person as someone who is admired, appreciated, loved and is someone who others want to hang out with. We recommend that you first define what popularity means to you. If you don’t, you may come to realize that you’ve lost sight of what you were working towards (and why you wanted it) in the first place. read more

How to Stop Blushing in Social Settings

We have all been there: suddenly, we are the center of attention, and our face is the first one to tell others how we feel about it. In social situations, blushing is one form of unconscious and involuntary expression that others could easily notice.

This is because the most significant factor of blushing is self-consciousness.

Thankfully, there are some steps to follow to silence this facial snitch.

Step 1: Identify the source

You are the best judge in determining what situations bring that sudden blood rush.

Uncomfortable events cause discomfort, and that discomfort leads us to blush1. Although blushing may seem unpredictable, it is just the opposite. If we are aware of our feelings of discomfort and/or anxiety towards certain situations before they occur, we can be prepared before the actual sensation begins. read more

Interview with Mark Rosenfeld on attracting people you deserve

After struggling with shyness throughout high-school and early years of college, Mark turned things around in 2009. A few years later he started teaching confidence in life and dating.

In 2014, he started MakeHimYours.com, sharing what he learned to help women stop the frustrating patterns in their dating lives and start attracting the men they deserve.

Interview with Natalie Lue on toxic relationships and more

Natalie Lue of baggagereclaim.co.uk teaches people who are tired of emotional unavailability, toxic relationships, and feeling ‘not good enough’, how to reduce their emotional baggage so that they can reclaim themselves and make space for better relationships and opportunities.

Would you like to tell us a bit about your amazing transformation back in 2005, which also was the starting point for your blog?

That summer, my life appeared to be imploding around me.

I found myself with yet another guy who was emotionally unavailable and “not ready for a relationship”, received a damning prognosis for an illness I’d been battling for 18 months, and my family relationships felt increasingly toxic, amongst other things. read more

Won’t I lose who I am if I change?

I just spoke with a friend who lives in my house. She moved to the US from India a while back.

Because of that, she pronounces some words differently, so that sometimes people don’t understand her.

Here’s where we come to one of these interesting “peeks under the hood” of people’s inner workings.

She’s 1) SUPER motivated to be understood and to be successful in the US. But 2) Not very interested in changing her pronunciation.

I got flustered. To me, those two views don’t go together. So, I poked around until she said: read more

18 tricks that make people respect you

When I didn’t feel respected in my life, I got overwhelmed even thinking about trying to turn it around.

I bashed myself.

My self-esteem tanked.

I know how frustrating and painful it can be to not be respected. I will share my most valuable methods for how to stop it from happening again.

[Are you being disrespected by a specific person or by a few specific people? Then, you should read my popular guide “How to always have the upper hand on someone who tries to dominate you“]

No matter what this lack of respect looks like in your life, it can be fixed. read more

Interview with Hayley Quinn

Dating coach Hayley Quinn teaches men and women a new approach to love which emphasizes personal responsibility, action, empathy and a belief that you can design the life you want to lead. She has been featured in media powerhouses like BBC One and Elle.

What’s the biggest misconception people have about becoming better socially, in your opinion?

That more is more. I think whilst a huge social circle and parties all weekend sounds aspirational – I believe it’s actually far more valuable to have close friends who you can rely on and gain emotional security. As well as recognizing that having time spent with yourself is equally as valuable. I’d advise anyone who is working on their social or dating life to still create time for reflection and themselves in order to keep a clear head about what’s really important to them. read more