David Morin

Were they making fun of me behind my back?

In school, I felt like an outsider.

I saw how others connected and had a great time, while I struggled.

Take the other guys in my class for example. I often worried that they were making fun of me behind my back and it felt like it was them inside and then me outside. (We’ve written an article about how to spot a fake friend from a real friend over here.)

Go here to read more about how to deal with someone making fun of you.

One day, a new guy came to class. After a week, he was closer with my classmates than I was after a year.

That “proved it” to me: There’s definitely something wrong with me!

Like I’ve said before, I don’t regret that time, because that’s what formed who I am today.

I just wish I knew this back then:

Just because something is in a certain way, doesn’t mean it will always be that way.

You see, back then everything felt pretty dark to me. I had low self-esteem, so I didn’t believe that I would be able to turn things around.

I had good times, too, and I did have some friends.

It was just that being off socially and seeing others hit it off when I didn’t make me think less of myself.

I had little hopes I would improve.

I could rationally see that practice makes perfect, but it FELT like there was something wrong with me and it FELT like this was how life would be.

Here’s what I’ve learned after all these years: It doesn’t matter what it FEELS like. Sometimes, you just have to do what you know is right even if feels like it won’t work out.

These photos sum up my life today. To me, they prove that just because you felt like an outsider, it doesn’t mean it will always be that way.

How did your childhood affect your social beliefs today? Did you worry about people making fun of you behind your back? Let me know in the comments!

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Comments (12)

  1. Anonymous

    You see, my dad is a priest and he would get transferred every 3-4 years. Each time,i would change schools,causing a break in all my friendships.Thus,i don’t have any kind of childhood friends , or any good friends for that matter. It actually really hurts me when people don’t want anything to do with me. I really believed that there was bad about me that people hated. But my brother,under the same circumstances,made a large number of friends and was the center of attention everywhere he went. IT was really hurt when people knew my brother but did not know that he did not even have a brother.

  2. Zulien Sundin

    Hello i really recognize me in your mail. I changed school in grade 6. I thought everyone at my new school was strange and I felt like a black sheep that did not fit in with any friendship group, I had no friends and it felt like everyone was afraid of me. now I go to eighth and will change school to ninth grade. I hope it will be better there and that I will not have to keep being an outsider.

    (This was translated by google translate so this might have some grammatical errors but I hope that you get what I’m trying to say😅).

  3. Goldie

    I remember in elementary school, I tried to join a conversation and someone told me “We’re not talking to you”, and there was no reason for it, it wasn’t a personal conversation or anything. So I never tried again. Also the guys had all these words that meant inappropriate (usually sexual) stuff, and they’d try to trick you into saying something with those words. Sometimes they were normal words, sometimes they were words in other languages that they used to sexually harass you without consequences because the teacher didn’t understand. Another time this kid asked me out as a joke. Both the code words and the kid asking me out make it really hard to trust people and I worry a lot whether something I said means something bad that I don’t worry about.

    One time I got frustrated in class and started crying, and the teacher yelled at me in front of the entire class that I had no right to cry and only he did because his mother died, so I ran out of the class. He claimed I threw a chair at him, and to this day people talk about it behind my back. It makes things hard to be the kid who throws chairs at people.

    • Viktor Sander

      That teacher sounds disturbed. He should have comforted you. I’m so sorry you had to go through that! You deserve better.

  4. SP

    I feel like I can easily start a conversation but don’t know when to stop. I believe this is my turn off and I never truly make friends because of it. No one wants to see me coming. No one calls me. I’m not invited to events.

  5. V

    As a child I was picked on and bullied alot. I remember one instant watching a kid say that it was my house and the young mother telling the kid to hold his breath past it. I was the local joke. Some of my friends would not be friends in public.

  6. Tim

    I was a loner, very few friends. I was bullied at school and always felt isolated. We lived in a different village to all the other children, so I was isolatedat home, as well.

    I have no social skills, whatsoever. No ability to converse with ohers, no idea of what to say, no idea of what is acceptable and what is too extreme.

  7. Ingrid

    Thanks again David for sharing your story. Means a great deal to hear it from someone else.
    My story is pretty much the same as yours. I also had some friends despite my shyness but I always struggled to get accepted and “fit in”. I was always aware of that it would only take a small wrong step to be “a fully outsider”. I had a popular older sister in the same school and I believe sometimes, she was the reason I “passed through”. My parents also, in mild terms “forced” my sister (and me) to take me with her when she was going out with friends.
    Maby that was good in one way, but it also made me feel ashamed of myself, that she had to put up with me, her little stupid sister.
    As you, I was nervous about others talking behind my back. Sometimes, I know they did.
    Now, as a grown up I find myself being ok more often and that I am ok, at least at my work. But it only takes some whispering, silence or other subtle signs to make me insecure. Also I rarely dare to invite people, in case “they feel they have to” instead of wanting to hang out with me. So, I am better but I still have things I struggle with.
    Thank you again for sharing! / Ingrid

  8. Anonymous

    Growing up as a quiet child and teenager has affected me later in life. I’ve become a bit of an introvert and now want to have meaningful conversations with people but I find it difficult. I have a conversation once with someone about what I do, but next time I see them I struggle.

    I am wanting to move on with my life and settle down again but finding it difficult.

  9. Robert

    Thank you for sharing what you went through in school. My family moved a lot while I was growing up and I was always the new kid. This taught me to be outgoing and make the first move to make friends, but looking back. I think slowly began to withdraw because of the pain of having to say goodbye all the time. So I struggle now getting close friends. Thank you again for sharing. I think your advice will help a lot of people who struggle with this
    God Bless you
    Robert

    • David Morin

      Thank you Robert! And thanks for sharing your story too!

  10. Anonymous

    Thankyou!