David Morin

Were they making fun of me behind my back?

In school, I felt like an outsider.

I saw how others connected and had a great time, while I struggled.

Take the other guys in my class for example. I often worried that they were making fun of me behind my back and it felt like it was them inside and then me outside.

One day, a new guy came to class. After a week, he was closer with my classmates than I was after a year.

That “proved it” to me: There’s definitely something wrong with me!

Like I’ve said before, I don’t regret that time, because that’s what formed who I am today.

I just wish I knew this back then:

Just because something is in a certain way, doesn’t mean it will always be that way.

You see, back then everything felt pretty dark to me. I had low self-esteem, so I didn’t believe that I would be able to turn things around.

I had good times, too, and I did have some friends.

It was just that being off socially and seeing others hit it off when I didn’t made me think less of myself.

I had little hopes I would improve.

I could rationally see that practice makes perfect, but it FELT like there was something wrong with me and it FELT like this was how life would be.

Here’s what I’ve learned after all these years: It doesn’t matter what it FEELS like. Sometimes, you just have to do what you know is right even if feels like it won’t work out.

These photos sum up my life today. To me, they prove that just because something has been a certain way, doesn’t mean it will always be that way.

How did your childhood affect your social beliefs today? Let me know in the comments!

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Comments (5)

  1. Ingrid

    Thanks again David for sharing your story. Means a great deal to hear it from someone else.
    My story is pretty much the same as yours. I also had some friends despite my shyness but I always struggled to get accepted and “fit in”. I was always aware of that it would only take a small wrong step to be “a fully outsider”. I had a popular older sister in the same school and I believe sometimes, she was the reason I “passed through”. My parents also, in mild terms “forced” my sister (and me) to take me with her when she was going out with friends.
    Maby that was good in one way, but it also made me feel ashamed of myself, that she had to put up with me, her little stupid sister.
    As you, I was nervous about others talking behind my back. Sometimes, I know they did.
    Now, as a grown up I find myself being ok more often and that I am ok, at least at my work. But it only takes some whispering, silence or other subtle signs to make me insecure. Also I rarely dare to invite people, in case “they feel they have to” instead of wanting to hang out with me. So, I am better but I still have things I struggle with.
    Thank you again for sharing! / Ingrid

  2. Anonymous

    Growing up as a quiet child and teenager has affected me later in life. I’ve become a bit of an introvert and now want to have meaningful conversations with people but I find it difficult. I have a conversation once with someone about what I do, but next time I see them I struggle.

    I am wanting to move on with my life and settle down again but finding it difficult.

  3. Robert

    Thank you for sharing what you went through in school. My family moved a lot while I was growing up and I was always the new kid. This taught me to be outgoing and make the first move to make friends, but looking back. I think slowly began to withdraw because of the pain of having to say goodbye all the time. So I struggle now getting close friends. Thank you again for sharing. I think your advice will help a lot of people who struggle with this
    God Bless you
    Robert

    • David Morin

      Thank you Robert! And thanks for sharing your story too!

  4. Anonymous

    Thankyou!