“I never allow myself to explore and try new things, to build close emotional relationships, or to talk to new people. I struggle with low self-confidence and worrying about what other people may think. I feel like I don’t have any opinions to share. When I’m around others, I feel stunted, numb, powerless, and disconnected.”
If you can relate to this and would like to develop your personality but are not sure how, this guide gives you the tools to develop a more interesting personality and engage in more stimulating conversations.
Everyone can develop a captivating personality while staying true to themselves, but it comes more naturally to certain people than to others. If you question whether you have a dry personality, consider if you have experienced these scenarios:
- Do you struggle with showing an understanding of things from various perspectives, making light of a situation, and making jokes that other people genuinely find amusing?
- Do you often feel blank, emotionless, and speak in a monotone?
- Do you tend not to have your own opinions and just follow along?
- Do you tend to be negative and bored?
- Do you feel blank, and as though you do not have anything to contribute?
When we doubt ourselves, we tend to feel reserved, helpless, and weak. We may become silent, disconnected, or passive as we retreat into our shells to avoid undesirable situations and interactions with others.
We may feel vulnerable and our bodies may shut down to protect us emotionally, which then exacerbates our insecurities and inhibitions. Here are a few reasons for why we may struggle with letting our personalities shine:
- We tend to ground our self-worth in how we think others see us. If we were mocked and bullied when we were younger, then we may feel like people look down on us, even decades later.
- You might have labeled yourself as awkward or inadequate and may have a hard time getting out of that role.
- Perhaps you put other people on pedestals, meaning, you elevate their status but not your own. This can lead to following others and being too afraid to walk your own path.
- Feeling intimidated by others. Our confidence fluctuates throughout the day according to what we are doing, where we are, who we are with, and how comfortable we feel to be our authentic selves. Our confidence particularly wanes around people we want to impress or who we feel are judging us.
- Depression can make us think negatively about ourselves and lack motivation to do things or engage with others.
From watching youtube videos to taking an improv acting class, there are various ways to help you grow. You need to identify what works best for you. Whenever you feel yourself holding back, pause, and remember how you will feel if you were to achieve your goals. It will be uncomfortable, but by growing your self-confidence, living more passionately, partaking in activities you enjoy, and sharing the spotlight, you will live a more fulfilling life with a more fascinating personality.
Here’s how to get a more interesting personality:
Your anxiety may cause you to overthink and become self-conscious. Our negative thoughts often stem from core beliefs that we have had about ourselves ever since we were children and form the lenses through which we perceive ourselves, others, and situations today.
Self-doubt can make us less motivated to socialize, live our best lives, and develop our personalities. Instead, to help you become more confident:
- Dig deeper into the reasons behind your feelings and thoughts. Reflect on why you feel your emotions, think your thoughts, and behave the way you do.
- Create a list of ten qualities you love about your life and ten things about your life that you are thankful for. Continue to review and add to this list every day. Whenever you doubt yourself, turn to this list.
- Prioritize your own self-care so that you will feel more comfortable in the spotlight.
- Stop comparing yourself to others. We each have our own stories, journeys, and purpose.
Consider joining Meetup.com, Facebook, and other social groups of people who share similar interests and who understand you. Practice engaging your new friends in conversations and enjoy your hobbies together.
See our guide on how to find like-minded.
Become more assertive, respectfully take up more space, and take action even when you do not want to. Start sharing and going up to people to strike conversations, rather than waiting for them to come to you.
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If you are held back by worrying what others may think, try sharing what’s on your mind, even if it’s uncomfortable. Other people may want to know your thoughts and opinions. It is okay to respectfully disagree as that is what helps broaden perspectives. If it feels scary, take small steps:
“I really like this song.”
“I am excited to….”
“I’m boring. How can I make my conversations more interesting?”
Conversations are about bonding, talking, and listening. You may find it difficult to get past the small talk and keep other people emotionally and intellectually engaged. So, after the person you would like to chat with responds to your initial statement, then try asking open-ended questions that encourage them to talk about themselves. For example, you may consider beginning the open-ended questions with:
- What was the best part of…
- What was the hardest part about…
- How did you feel about…
- How did you know…
- What surprised you about…
- Why do you want…
- What was it like to…
Pay close attention to what they are telling you. It’s rare to have someone truly listen, and it helps you stand out. When they’re done sharing, convey your thoughts and reflections about what they said. This helps them paint a picture of you.
This type of back-and-forth conversation has been shown to make conversations more engaging and increase closeness.
When you share stories, are the stories long-winded, do you get off track, repeat yourself, or blank out?
This can be difficult for other people to follow, and they may become bored. Pay attention to if they seem engaged or if they are simply nodding to be polite. Accepting that you may have a boring or dry personality is half the battle. It is also essential to understand why that is the case and then to work on developing yourself.
Here are a few other ideas to help you share compelling stories.
Here’s an exercise to help you gauge your progress: take three deep breaths in and out to relax. Close your eyes. Meditate and reflect on how you are feeling right now. If you read this article and agreed with some of the signs mentioned, that is wonderful. That means you are ready to accept that you are not living your best life. Accepting your current situation is an important first to change, and you can now set up your goals:
Consider the qualities you admire about other people’s personalities. Create goals for yourself related to what you will do to develop your personality.
- Reflect and create opinions about what you hear, feel, see, and do.
- If you wish to expose yourself to new perspectives, then try beginning with watching movies and shows outside your comfort zone, listening to hilarious podcasts, reading books and magazines, or talking to people you otherwise would not have.
- Embrace gratitude, remind yourself that you are worthy, and love yourself to build your self-confidence.
- Practice your new communication and social skills by going up to people, calling old friends, and meeting new groups.
Free training: Conversation skills for overthinkers
- Use "conversational threading" to avoid awkward silence
- Learn a proven technique to get past empty small talk
- Improve socially without doing weird out-of-your-comfort-zone stunts.
- Instantly beat self-consciousness with the "OFC-method"
- See how you can go "from boring to bonding" in less than 7 words.