“Why can’t I make friends? I feel like no one likes me, and I’ve realized that as an adult, it’s way harder than it was back in school.” – Kim
Feeling lonely or realizing that you don’t have friends can be upsetting. It can drain your self-esteem and confidence, which makes it even harder to feel motivated to socialize.
There are so many different reasons that you might not have friends, but the good news is that there is always something you can work on to help find the friends you want.
This quiz can help you to diagnose why you don’t have the friendship circle that you would like. Once you understand what the problem is, I will also offer suggestions for how you can start to work through your difficulties.
Finding new friends is rarely easy but spending the time to learn new social skills and build relationships will pay off in the long run.
These are common reasons for having no friends:
- Being an introvert
- Suffering from social anxiety or shyness
- Experiencing depression
- Having Aspergers
- Being socially inexperienced
- Not having social interests
- Recently having moved, split up with a partner, or changed job
- Not having time to socialize
This is a complex issue, and that why we’ve created a quiz. In addition to this quiz, see our main guide here: I have no friends.
Sections
- Part 1: Thought patterns that can keep you from making friends
- Part 2: Underlying reasons for having no friends
- Part 3: Life situations that make it hard to make friends
- Part 4: Common mistakes that make it hard to make friends
- Part 5: having friends that don’t feel like real friends
this is really helpful thanks!
why would the writer open up comments and not respond to peoples comments? shldnt you engage? whats the point then?
Domah
ligma
After all these years…I met you when I was 6, Sue. Only 6.
And you dare to call me the gluteus maximus of a camel?
Sue,
I met you in the dark. You actually managed to light me up. You even made me feel as though I was enough.
We danced the night away too. We even drank too much. You held my hair back when I was throwing up.
But then I looked over my shoulder, for a minute I was stone cold sober.
Why Sue, My dear little Sue. Don’t let go. Just say you won’t let go.
So i’m going through this page and seeing these comments I’m wondering
WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH YOU
R u on the spectrum somewhere
you know MONGIW spectrum
You got my personality completely wrong, in fact, it was the total opposite of me. Your sentence structure is absolutely dreadful; therefore making it hard to read the question.
I am a very social question, however, I do fear that people will not like me (as I’m so loud and jolly). Your response said that I need to hang out with people more and become more social.
Sharon, this is not nice at all, please reconsider your hurtful words and actions, why are you even on this website if you so social, you obviously need the help, if you took the test…
Hello Sue,
Truth hurts and I can not take back the truth. They did get my ‘personality’ correct and that is fine for me to state that.
Also, social people often look for new things to do; hence the reason I am on this website.
*incorrect
Hello Sharon,
yes, I agree, its clear that the truth is hurting you a lot, as you have not accepted the results you got in your test. Just accept what it says.
Sharon, you backside of a camel
For real, your first suggestion for someone who is on the spectrum is “make eye contact” I think your quiz is broken.
I don’t have a problem chatting to people and I’m always told that people like me.
My trouble is that I have no interest in anything so chatting always remains shallow. Never leads anywhere.
I’ve tried to be interested in stuff but I’m just not. I have no hobbies.
I have depression and it’s made worse because of my isolation.
this quiz is very off
ive always never really have friends and when i keep making new ones, they end up being netter friends with someone else and that is what gives me axaity.
my friends are mean to me and they think that i am always ok but really i am never ok they think that i like them cuz i am lesben but i dont
im ur friend now
REALLY good article.
glad that we are not alone!!! YOU’RE NOT ALONE ! we were not all given the same opportunities either x
You sound so cute!!!! you sound like me when i was ur age!
listen, most of the time its OTHERS that are not very nice people or well brought up.. its usually not you.
do whatever u can, relax smile take it easy enjoy life… be nice to people and if they r not nice back, try with other potential friends!!! DONT WORRY about ppl from school, school will end and idiots will always be idiots x
i was using this for fun as a kid
Me to hahaha
I had to move halfway across the country about 20 years ago, back to where I grew up. Not by choice. I’ve tried many times to make new friends here, but I feel like no one really wants to be my friend. I’ve always been good at approaching people, and having interesting conversations, but other people don’t seem to reciprocate. Example: At a job I left just before moving across country, there was one really nice woman that I would have loved to be friends with. I would ask her to have lunch with me on a regular basis and she almost always said yes. But, she never went out of her way to invite me to lunch. So I did a little experiment. I stopped asking her to lunch to see if she would go out of her way to ask me. She never did. Another example: After moving across country my family had a small family reunion. We called it a “cousin’s reunion” because two of my cousins were going to be there that lived a long way away. I tried to make plans with some of the cousins that I had been close to as a child. “Sure, we’ll get together sometime.” Never happened. Almost 20 years since I came back here, and I still don’t have one person I would call a friend. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I feel like I make all the effort to maintain friendships, and my friends just go along when I call, and rarely make an effort to call me, and try to get together. Am I too needy? I’m normally very introverted and am happy to spend hours, days, even week without contacting anyone. What am I doing wrong??
have you contatcted your local church. the nuns can help your come closer to jesus
I meant JESUS
wow. ur worries are exactly like mine. i hope the O.P answers
Hi CJ! I can really relate to you, and from what you wrote i honestly think its them, i think your doing a great job trying to make friends. Maybe the girl you mentioned in the text wasn’t interested in making friends. Continue trying you’ll find a friend in no time. 🙂
I just have no need for people they do nothing for me male or female I like my solitude I take care of myself and I don’t worry about anybody and I don’t need anybody to worry about me as far as my opinion that’s my business not theirs
This is a really good quiz, and the tips are quite useful. Glad I found it. Still having trouble making friends.
Haha. cool quiz. Kinda already knew im lonely, introvert, occasionaly depressed because of no answers for the past and i seclude myself because its safer, energy is more effeciantly used, people will eventually move change or do something that made all that time to get to know them lost. lonely now, but will be better tomorrow i think. got tons of projects and hobbies i lov and do but occasionaly need a friend. maybe im just bored now. quiz is pretty accurate.
Thanks for the quiz!
Sometimes I’m afraid in social situations, and feeling stupid standing there shy and quiet. Other times l feel confident and speaks alot. But l don’t know what l prefer, l would like something in between. Either l standing quiet, shy and feeling stupid, or l’m feeling secoure and say some words. But then l always end up saying some stupid or mean things l should’nt have said. Ex. Things l’ve been told from others that should’nt be shared, or negative thoughts about me and life. How to find a normal manner, and what is “normal”?
lol. same here some days.
This is a great quiz and wonderful info! One problem I have is that if the other person talks a lot I’m not good at catching the flow and contributing fast enough. I feel like they sometimes keep talking because they get uncomfortable with a pause even if it’s tiny. I find it difficult to formulate sentences quickly. It’s easier when I’m writing but still slow. I think my ADD plays a role too. I get distracted. I do meditate by the way. It helps.
My problem is I talk way too much but I think that’s mostly because I’m so lonely when I finally get a friend or family member on the phone or to talk to in person I’m so excited about it that I’m bubbling over with energy and can’t stop yacking away which I’m sure is a turn off
I understand!
Same here.
I’m thinking about starting a hipcamp for women to meetup at and do activities.
Andrew