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Comments (18)

  1. Andy

    I often times try and be the charismatic outgoing guy who dresses well and is cool. But it tended to put so much pressure on me. Girls loved me. But people in general would like me for a bit then scurry off because i became overbearing and annoying. Then I became awkward and self cauntious.

    Not fun

  2. JJ

    This is so profound. Thank you for your valuable insight. I’ve realized the likeability paradox by observing people for a few years, but I haven’t yet reached the conclusion of ‘make people like being around you’.
    Every article I read, I see that you guys have really put a lot of thought into it, and I am grateful for you guys sharing these ideas. Thanks!

  3. Ali

    I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your knowledge like this. I am starting my new job tomorrow and I feel so scared about meeting new people.
    Reading your articles gives me some reassurance on how I will be able to handle first conversations.

    Thank you

  4. Mike

    I first want to thank you for writing these wonderful articles. I do follow a lot of what is said above by being attentive in the conversations and asking people more about their stories, however sometimes the other person becomes upset with me and says things like “I feel like I am doing all the talking” or “you need to tell me more about yourself.” Do you have any suggestions for situations like that?

    Again, thank you for all your help

  5. Christina

    I am in Year 8 at a girl school. All last year I had trouble with fitting into my friendship group and often I am still excluded and my friends are close and I’m just the extra one there. I have talked to them last year even but nothing has changed. I always pay attention to them and try my hardest to be involved. Because, if I do not try to include my self they wouldn’t include me. I have tried many ways for me to be more likeable and more included. Like a close friend more than an extra. For an example, I had came home from camp today (three days), times I tried to join topics but they would just talk quietly and I can not join in as I do not know anything they are talking about, I was sitting in a group of 4, 2 got up to go outside and tagged the third. However I was left sitting their all alone. Most times I am the one in the friendship group who gets mucked around with for laughs. I really am not sure what to do anymore.

    • Viktor Sander

      They don’t sound like real friends. Do you have any alternatives to finding other friends at your school? Are there any clubs or something like that you can join?

    • Giannina

      They dont deserve your interest, put that efford in other people🙏🏻🙂, you will be fine.

  6. Anonymous

    This paragraph “When we shift our attention away from ourselves we become less self-conscious. That makes us more confident and relaxed in social settings.” I frequently use this technique, especially around friends that I know very well. Like from childhood. However, they use that as an indication to continue talking about themselves and leave me no time or room to share,reflect. Or to move the conversation forward. How do I deal with that?

    • Elizah

      I think that this is a good indicator to see whether someone is a narcissistic conversationalist or not. Emphatic and good conversationalists will throw the conversation back at you after you give them some ammo, however if they only see you as someone they can unload all their thoughts to, though it might be flattering, it’s a good idea to have less conversations with this person for a good conversation requires a back and forth of some sort, not a one-sided. If you don’t feel good in the conversation, leave.

  7. Anonymous

    I’d rather be around unlikable folks depending on who they are.

  8. Martin

    Hello I am new to this website and you guys have a lot of valuable content. Thanks

  9. Anonymous

    Big big difference,like tar

  10. Darrel

    Thank you once again for your wonderful insight, David!

    • David Morin

      Thank you Darrel!

  11. “Socially successful people don’t try to make people like them. Instead, they make people like being around them.” I think that hits the nail on the head and something helpful to keep in mind.

    • David Morin

      Thanks Jean, I’m glad you like it!