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Comments (26)

  1. Sandra

    My parents were tellers. So, even years later I don’t listen to what someone is saying for the first 3-4 words , in case it is something bad/negative. This then causes me to miss the important part. Ugh.

    I also hate being interrupted when in the middle of something. Note: this modern day problem of getting texts, replying, greeting email, replying and then someone talks! Tee Hee can you imagine that!

  2. Anders

    I feel very insecure about not having so many friends. I don’t have any really close friends either. But at least I’m working on it. 🙂
    Secondly I sometimes feel that I’m boring or don’t have anything interesting to say. I feel like I have experienced way less things then other people and that that makes me a bit boring.
    It was helpful just to write that down! 🙂

  3. Nelly

    I am an introvert and enjoy my personal space . However, I have a girlfriend that is very outgoing and extroverted and I admire her personality. I sometimes have social anxiety especially over dinner tables or meeting new people. I have a problem getting personal with people and sharing my own personal experiences and simmer only around the facts or focus more on small talk or chit chat. I think this article really speaks to me and my experience and I am going to make a goal of mine to combat this social dwarf nature of mine and will engage in activities and situations outside my comfort zone.

    • David Morin

      I’m very happy to read this. Thanks for sharing, Nelly. You can do it!

  4. Damian

    I am an introvert, that’s dealing with social anxiety. When I find my self engaged in one on one conservations, I become stiff and awkward, and just can’t relax. This causes me to not speak probably of topics I know in great depth that if I was alone I could talk about it for hours. This only happens with something or someone I’m passionate about or I really want something that might lead to me being rejected. I also get this nervous shock through my body and start sweating alittle more. I had a conversation over the phone one day with my supervisor, and was asking for the max raise. I had my foot rested on a shopping cart and I noticed my foot was shaking uncontrollably.

  5. Sara

    David, your first point is really strange thing to say to make people more confident. I would think it would have the opposite effect. “Everyone is walking around “nervous and shy” all the time?” I don’t agree with that. Some people are truly confident and outgoing and don’t really care what people think of them. So you are basically saying that it’s normal to walk around feeling nervous and fragile like a scared bunny all the time? Then how does being social become at all enjoyable? How does one get through the day of interaction with people? I’ve made it a point to stop caring about what people think of me and really that is the ONLY thing that finally made me feel free. All the other stuff is just filler and fluff. So NO, you’re wrong. Everyone does not walk around feeling nervous all the time or when going to a party or interacting with a stranger. Some porople just truly don’t care if they are liked or not or what anyone thinks of them. This is TRUE confidence and freedom. You should focus on that; not telling people that nervousness is the norm for all.

    • David Morin

      It’s one of our core human traits to care what people think and look for their approval. We do it constantly, even if we don’t want to. Evolutionary speaking, getting others approval has been about life and death, and that’s why it’s so hard to get around.

      Even if we would WANT to not care what others think, we still do it to a certain extent. That’s why behavioral therapists don’t just tell their clients “Stop caring what others think”. It’s great to care less, but it’s hard to do by just trying.

      What behavioral science DOES suggests is that we get a more realistic view on how most people are. By doing so, we stop putting others on a pedestal. That helps us feel more confident.

  6. Jesse

    I suffer from insecurity, anxiety, a fear complex, and depression because I suffered a lot in my childhood and early adolescence and have a fear that I will have to go through it all over again, which in many cases I have. These mental blocks have caused me to be less social, outgoing, and have caused me to feel and experience much defeat in my life. I feel as though every time things seem to be going right, they go wrong, which they often do, and then I fear that it will always happen. I also have a “life’s not fair” mentality when I go through hardship, which I am currently in a financial crisis which is not helping things. I have a hard time coming out of my shell and being real with people. This article was very helpful.

  7. Anonymous

    My biggest problem at this moment is that often in social and stressful situations it gets hard to think about things to say and if I say something, it sounds pretty nervous and awkward.

  8. david

    i am the shy type dat when ever i learn new things(like new vocabularly,language,skills,phonetic pronunciation of words etc) i feel so ashame to put it to practise when interacting or dealing with people. i also feel so ashame to interact with girls and to speak in public. and feel so shy to let a girl know about my feeling for her and if eventually this feeling is noticed by my friends or people around me i will then feel akward speaking or playing with her as i normally use to do and will end up being indifferent to her. i need ur advice on hw to overcome these flaws of mine.

    • Hans

      I am in a similar pot to the girl part. You know what? There is a girl I like. Six months now. I’ve just been dancing by the side. Next week when we return to school I will tell her. If she accepts, fine. If she doesn’t then I have to accept it.

      By the way I always have a certain feeling that since I am 45(people guess 10 years younger) I should be looking for women who are 30 or more. But last time in school I noticed that a 20 year old classmate is interested in me.

      When we return I will talk to that first girl. She is cool headed just like me. I just keep thinking about her everyday. She has noticed that my classmate.

  9. Sylvia

    My insecurity is that I’m really introverted and whenever there is someting I really want to do or try, I don’t do it and I use my shyness as an excuse and I stop myself from doing soemthing because that’s simply something I wouldn’t do.
    But my goal for 2019 is to overcome that and to get the person I want to be and this article is incredibly helpful, so thanks a lot!

  10. Anonymous

    Im introverted person and most of my friends are extroverted and when i see this how alot of them go partying out drinking it really makes me feel insecure on how im missing out but all i want to do is to focus on my studies and goals.

  11. Anonymous

    i’m trying so hard to be an extrovert because i feel like it’s the right way to live life. i’m shy most of my life, even around family members i’ve known my whole life. but sometimes i just have an extrovert mood and i’m super outgoing, it doesn’t happen very often but i’m always happier when i get like that. my insecurities are my hair length (it’s too short for me and just doesn’t grow) and my eye size and color.

  12. Madelyn

    I though I would always be a introvert until I read this article. This was very helpful and I now want to go out and talk to people! Thank you so much!

    • David Morin

      So glad to hear you got inspired 🙂 Best of luck!

  13. Kay

    This article was extremely helpful!

  14. anonymouse

    Hi
    I’m so shy when I’m amongst other people and I end up spending more time indoors. I think I loss aease ll my confidence please help

  15. Anonymous

    Hi, my boyfriend is not outgoing and I’ve realised that our lives have become boring because we are always indoors. He’s not into sports, drinks less but loves exercising. How do I make become an outgoing person?

    • abhi

      u said that he loves exercising! take that as an opportunity. u can go with him for exercising daily as it is beneficial for both u n him. and during that exercise u can try n make new friends. as exercise elevates ur mood …m sure ur boyfrd ll be ready to hang out somewer outisde after the exercise . u both can enjoy together after that! 🙂

  16. umesh chauhan

    its a very helpful article for personality development.

    • David Morin

      Thanks!

  17. Bjørn S

    Also begin to do sport where you get natural active. I run 5,5 km every second day. And that really make you more happy with yourself. And you are able to give more pleasure to other people. 🙂

  18. Abarcus Joe

    I have a friend who’s complainging a lot and that can be quite frustrating. I know that I can complain quite a lot sometimes too about different stuff that doesn’t really matter when I think about it in retrospect. I will pay attention to this. Thank you for a great article! I learned a lot from it.

    • Anonymous

      This is very similar for me as well except a friend keeps criticizing me, but they see it as a joke. I have really low self esteem and I find it hard to stay determined and keep social, and it’s really frustrating for me and I’m sure for othe people in the same situation. I feel like this article is going to help me SO much!