Amanda Haworth

How to Become more Extroverted (as an Introvert)

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If you’re an introvert, then you understand that we are naturally more inclined to be reserved, guarded, and socially isolated.

This is not necessarily the result of poor social skills; rather, introverts feel rested and energized after spending time alone participating in more solitary activities, while extroverts draw energy from being around other people.

But you’ve probably noticed that the extroverts you know have lots of friends, a thriving social life, and seem to be generally more likable. According to VeryWellMind, extroverts are also less likely to have psychological disorders such as anxiety and depression.1

These positive characteristics may make you wish you were less “intro” and more “extra,” but you’re not sure how to become more extroverted (while still being yourself 100%).

The major difference between introverts and extroverts is their level of outgoingness.  

Extroverts are talkative, sociable, spontaneous, and open— all components of an outgoing personality. In the following paragraphs you’ll find tips for developing each of these traits so that you, too, can experience the benefits of being an extrovert.

1. Extroverts are more talkative than introverts

One of the most noticeable characteristics of an extrovert is their talkativeness. While you, as an introvert, may be talkative around your very close friends and family, extroverts are talkative around pretty much everyone. (Read more: How to stop being the quiet one.)

So how can you achieve this extroverted quality?

First, you need to become comfortable making conversation

Small talk is not the introvert’s preference, but it’s the extrovert’s primary tool when it comes to meeting new people.

Small talk doesn’t have to be uncomfortable; learning to use the current setting and activity to make a statement or ask a question will help small talk become second nature to you.

Additionally, making observations about a person to determine their interests will help you to come up with good conversation topics that will be interesting for both of you.

2. Extroverts are more sociable than introverts

The second component of an extrovert’s outgoing personality is their sociableness.

If you’re wondering how it is that extroverts have so many friends and seem to encounter someone they know at every turn, sociableness is the answer.

As an introvert, attending more social events is the first step to accomplishing this.  Although you might rather read a book or binge watch a Netflix series, holding yourself accountable for attending the social events you’re invited to will help you to become more extroverted.

Extroverts are typically the first ones to arrive at a party and the last ones to leave, so once you’re there it’s important to ignore the temptation to skip out at 9 p.m. 

It’s also important to mingle and meet new people when you attend social events. This is a crucial part of making new friends, which is one of the primary benefits of becoming more extroverted.

Initiating your own social gatherings is another step towards becoming more extroverted.  If extroverts love spending time with other people, what better way to do it than from the comfort of your own home?

Social events are the perfect opportunity to practice your extroverted characteristics, so the more you attend, the more extroverted you’ll become!

3. Extroverts are more spontaneous than introverts

In addition to being talkative and sociable, extroverts are also known for their spontaneity.

To become more spontaneous, you must be willing to step out of your comfort zone by trying new things and going new places.

While it is in our nature as introverts to give an automatic “no” to last-minute plans, making snap decisions about where to go and what to do is a big part of the extrovert’s fun-loving appeal.

The true extrovert is the initiator of such events, so randomly inviting people out for a last-minute adventure will be the ultimate test of your new extrovertedness.

Read more: How to be more funny in conversations (even if you’re not a “funny one”).

4. Extroverts are more open than introverts

One of the most difficult components of extrovertedness for the introvert to conquer is openness.

Many introverts prefer to keep the private details of their lives just that– private.

But typical extroverts have no problem sharing their pasts because they view it as another way to bond with people.

The extrovert’s openness also includes the open sharing of their feelings and emotions. 

While this can feel unnatural for an introvert, sharing your feelings with others will make you more relatable, and as a result will attract the multitude of friends that is commonly possessed by extroverts.

Determining whether the people you know fall into the category of “friend” or “acquaintance” will help you know how much of your feelings and past experiences is appropriate to share with different people.

Another important aspect of openness is the willingness to share your opinions, even when you disagree.

Many introverts prefer to keep their opinions – especially the “different” ones – to themselves out of a fear of being contrary.  However, you have a right to your opinions, and sharing them will help people better get to know you.

Furthermore, having an opinion that is in disagreement with others’ does not make you wrong, and sharing your differing opinion does not have to create an argument. The people who are worth spending time with will know this to be true.

While introverts have many positive and beneficial qualities of our own, there are certain things that don’t come as naturally to us. Developing extroverted qualities such as talkativeness, sociableness, spontaneity, and openness will help us to make more friends and have a more well-rounded social life.

Which extroverted qualities do you hope to develop? Share your goals in the comments!

References:

  1. Cherry, Kendra.  2018.  Five personality traits of extroverts.  Very Well Mind.

Amanda is an introvert who's experienced too many awkward moments (of her own making) to count. Amanda has a cat, a coffee obsession, and more books than one person should reasonably own. She holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Human Development and Learning from the University of Memphis in Memphis, TN, where she did extensive study of lifespan psychology.

Amanda Haworth

Amanda is an introvert who's experienced too many awkward moments (of her own making) to count. Amanda has a cat, a coffee obsession, and more books than one person should reasonably own. She holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Human Development and Learning from the University of Memphis in Memphis, TN, where she did extensive study of lifespan psychology.

Amanda is an introvert who's experienced too many awkward moments (of her own making) to count. Amanda has a cat, a coffee obsession, and more books than one person should reasonably own. She holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Human Development and Learning from the University of Memphis in Memphis, TN, where she did extensive study of lifespan psychology.

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Comments (5)

  1. Stan Alec

    This article doesn’t offer a real way to become an extrovert, it only explains how to act like one. That’s like telling a depressed person how to act happy instead of telling them how to cure their depression.

    I want to know if there’s a way I can change so that I feel energized by social interactions, rather than drained. Acting more extroverted is only going to drain more of my energy when socializing, it’s not going to make me an actual extrovert.

    Unfortunately, every article I can find about becoming extroverted only provides advice on how to act extroverted.

  2. Anonymous2

    I agree with Anonymous. Should a cat try to be more like a dog because everyone ‘thinks’ dogs are happier. I became happier when I stopped trying to more extroverted. I am in introvert and don’t need other people. I’ll even go a step further and say that extroverts are the ones with a problem. They are needy. They need other people to reassure them that they are ok. If extroverts are cutoff from their extrovert supports they become depressed and anxious. I think most people who think they are introverts and want to become extroverts are really just extroverts who can’t get the social interaction (support) that they need. They don’t know how to interact with people and claim they are introverts. Not the case. An introvert is happy being a lone. If you aren’t happy being alone then you aren’t an introvert. Sorry to pop your bubble but you are just a not very successful extrovert. However, you can become one by following blogs like Amanda’s and learning the social skills you crave. I’m an introvert and if I have to talk to someone I can but I would rather not.

  3. Anonymous

    With all due respect to Amanda, why not simply embrace your introversion? Your introversion is biologically, and not psychologically, based.

    So no amount of work trying to become more spontaneous, more sociable, more relaxed, more fun-loving, more outgoing, et. al. is really going to change that. Underneath this false exterior, you’ll still be, well, an introvert!

    Accept yourself as you are. Be nice. Be pleasant. Learn the conversational niceties. But don’t try to be someone or something you’re not.

    Introverts who try hard to be more extroverted, more outgoing and more spontaneous often end up doing themselves both psychological and physiological damage.

    I can read all the books, articles and self-help pamphlets out there on networking, mingling, letting loose at social events and G-d knows what else. But I’ll still freeze up when I attend these things, no matter how much I may try to convince myself that I won’t!

    Johnson O’Connor, who pioneered aptitude testing in America, opined many decades ago that personality was largely inherited. If you were born introverted, you’ll likely stay introverted. So accept it.

  4. Daniel Grant

    I would love to be more talkative in social situations where i am not surrounded by my close friends. Making small talk with strangers or people i’m not so familiar with is my biggest struggle. I would be so much happier if i could thrive in in social situations where hours of small talk is needed.

    • David Morin

      Thanks for sharing Daniel. There are so many people who feel just like what you describe that joined our free email course. I see you signed up today, welcome!