How to Improve Socially Without Doing Weird Comfort Zone Exercises

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You’ve probably seen this picture before:

Comfort Zone Where the magic happens

It creates the impression that we need to be somewhere we’re not. So, we try to follow the advice we hear in self-help books.

“Escape your comfort zone”

“Approach ten strangers at a bar”

This is so far from where most of us are, that we won’t even be able to try it. Then, we feel that we’ve failed. But in reality, it’s the self-help books and “break your comfort zone”-mantra that’s wrong.

There’s actually a better way that doesn’t need weird and extreme changes in your behavior.

What we want to do is to challenge ourselves to do things we think is exciting, maybe even slightly uncomfortable, but not scary.

Comfort zone

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We want to take small steps – and stay in the right level of our outer comfort zone.

What won’t help you create long term, solid improvements:

What WILL help you create long term, solid improvements:

What actually works is taking SMALL steps outside of your regular behavior. It’s about starting where you are right now and taking a small step from there:

  • If you usually end up listening rather than talking, talk just a little bit more about yourself than you normally would.
  • If you usually wouldn’t ask an acquaintance to meet up because you’re afraid to come off as needy, text them anyway.
  • If a conversation is about to die out and you want to escape, try to come up with one more topic and stay a little longer than you normally would.
  • If you feel uncomfortable holding eye contact, keep it a little longer than you normally would.
  • If you feel uncomfortable talking to that cute guy or girl in your office building, ask her a question instead of ignoring her.

When you DO feel comfortable taking that small step outside of what you normally would, THAT’S when you want to take the next step.

Do you see what’s happening here? We’re not breaking out of our comfort zone, we’re slowly expanding it.

Imagine what would happen if you grew your comfort zone a little every day. Because you think it’s exciting rather than scary, it just grows and grows.

You’re not doing something you don’t want.

You’re not doing what scares you.

You’re doing what excites you.

Where would you be then, one year from now? What would you be able to do?

  • Perhaps social anxiety would no longer stop you from doing what you want?
  • Perhaps you’d start to enjoy meeting new people and making conversation?
  • Feel calm and confident in new social settings?
  • Actually enjoy yourself and feel like part of the gang in group conversations?
  • Have a fun and interesting conversation with a cute guy or girl?

Here’s something we discovered as we followed the progress of our program members:

Overcoming social anxiety is actually one of the things in life we have a good shot at succeeding with.

Think about it:

We have these small social interactions all the time. With the people around us, at work, with the cashier at the supermarket, with the waiter at our favorite restaurant.

We can use these everyday social interactions to take small steps out of our ordinary behavior. Each step is tiny, but over time, the compounding improvement is immense. I’ve seen it over and over, first with myself, then among our beta testers and program participants.

I’ve often felt like I lacked something fundamental, like there was something in me that just “wasn’t enough”.

Funny thing is, when there’s something I don’t master, my brain STILL draws the conclusion that it’s something you have to be born with.

But when we think rationally about it, overcoming social anxiety simply comes down to doing small improvements when we’re around people. These steps improve both our social confidence and social skills.

Here’s where life gets started for real.

  • Our social anxiety, shyness, and self-doubt fades away
  • We don’t have to worry about feeling judged
  • Our self-esteem and confidence gets a boost
  • We have the freedom to choose the friends we want
  • We can make effortless conversation with anyone and ENJOY socializing

What I invite you to do next

Did you know that just by writing a goal down, you become 42% more likely to reach that goal? (study)

Write down one SMALL step you could do already today toward more confidence in social situations

If someone writes something you like, also let them know in the comments that they have your support.

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  1. How to be more confident around anyone.
  2. How to stop feeling self-conscious using the "OFC-method".
  3. Why you don't need out-of-your-comfort-zone exercises to be confident.
  4. Why some are so confident despite not having the looks, money, or a "cool job".

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David Morin is the founder of SocialPro. He's been writing about social skills since 2012. Follow on Twitter or read more.

Go to Comments (191)

191 thoughts on “How to Improve Socially Without Doing Weird Comfort Zone Exercises”

  1. My goal is to be at ease in a conversation and not being afraid to talk about what’s on my mind or what interests me and not letting other people’s reactions to hold me back.

    Reply
  2. My goal is : to be able to have a conversation with someone I haven’t met. And not worry or stress about any part of the conversation after it has finished.

    Reply
  3. I have wondered for a long time is I am on the spectrum. I don’t mind social events as long as I can be myself but I’m so worried that I’ll come across as weird. I would like to try fidgiting when people can see it and talking about stuff I’m actually interested in rather than faking it. I want to try and be me at a social event rather than who I think they want me to be.

    Reply
  4. My goal: is to have something that I can talk about come naturally to me rather than to prepare for things to say, Cuz that shit is annoying even when I prepare, it doesn’t sound as I thought it would.

    Reply
  5. I become really awkward and conscious about my body, and I judge myself for how unlikeable and boring I am. Then, as I feel shitty about myself, i assume others don’t like me too.
    I’m going to try and be more accepting of myself, and try and respond meaningfully to comments others make.

    Reply
    • I go through the same thing, every day I feel as if I am not good enough. That has also happened recently since I moved out.
      I wish to go back to my normal easy self.

      Reply
  6. My Goal is to be more confident to speak up in a social setting and i notice tend to be nervous and speak very fast in the conversation.

    I want to be able to stay calm and connect with them on a deeper level.

    Reply
  7. I want to get better at approaching people without feeling so nervous about it. I enjoy socialising but I get so tongue-tied and break into a cold sweat! What I could today about this is if I go out for a walk is to say hello or talk to some people in my neighbourhood.

    Reply
  8. My goal is being confidence to speak in front of the class or a small meeting. I always get nervous about some questions from the audience and i couldn’t speak any words.

    Reply
  9. my goal is to talk with people,(no matter a boy,a cute girl or a old citizen).my real goal is to talk with people and try to connect with them.I want to make real friends.I want to be real man.A true authentic person.

    Reply
  10. David,
    Sometimes, I face trouble talking to girls who are basically strangers to me in a social setting.
    I notice that I speak nervously and stutter. My body language would show that I’m feeling awkward.
    I totally hate when this happens to me and I want to improve upon it.

    So, one thing I want to focus on, is on being calm and act naturally in front of cute girls the way I would do in front of my friends.

    Reply
    • Same here plus I want to be able to talk to anyone without feeling nervous. Reading this I realise I was not alone as I’ve thought for a long time . This means people hardly notice socially anxious people since I’ve never notice any

      Reply
  11. My goal is to try and remember even just ONE particular thing about someone that’s said to me in a conversation! I often have trouble focusing 100% just because things go so fast and that’s just kind of how I am. With your new coaching, I notice that being curious and focusing on others, asking about their relationship to a subject is a big part of being able to continue conversation, and I think if I’m a little better at remembering what others say, that would be a great first step for me! I’ll be doing my best!

    Reply
  12. Just recently I found myself being more awkward and timid in more situations. But being inspired by all these other people and these articles, I want to set a solid goal to avoid being that quiet and shy person in conversations. All I’m say is that I want to get out there and speak up more with the new and the old people I meet in this life journey

    Reply
  13. Just recently I found myself being more awkward and timid in more situations. But being inspired by all these other people and these articles, I want to set a solid goal to avoid being that quiet and shy person in conversations. All I’m say is that I want to get out there and speak up more with the new and the old people I meet in this life journey

    Reply
  14. David, on numerous occasions my family and therapist have told me that I am a naturally curious person; and I know it’s true. Honestly, when I talk with friends and acquaintances, I’m full of personalized compliments, percipient questions, genuine solace and helpful advice. However, I only get to that sociability without telling people about my mental disability and struggles; which causes many people to be confused, concerned, scared or uninterested. So, my goal is to be calm and confident enough to not share my diagnosis with strangers at meetups. Additionally, I’ll tell my current three close friends of that goal.

    Reply
    • Hi im like this too. Its so annoying . I tell them my whole life story nearly . So my goal is to listen and try smalltalk . And ring my friends and family a lot more. I get so awkward and anxious on the phone trying to think what can I talk about now.

      Reply
  15. David I’m working on your suggestion to focus on the other person, instead of feeling self-conscious. When I’m with people I feel comfortable with I feel naturally curious about them and never run out of things to discuss.

    But when I feel self-conscious it’s hard to think of stuff to ask because of the way I am. I’m awkward because I tend to the wrong questions… questions that are too personal.
    I am working on small talk!

    Reply
  16. David I’m working on your suggestion to focus on the other person, instead of feeling self-conscious. When I’m with people I feel comfortable with I feel naturally curious about them and never run out of things to discuss.

    But when I feel self-conscious it’s hard to think of stuff to ask because of the way I am. I’m awkward because I tend to the wrong questions… questions that are too personal.
    I am working on small talk!

    Reply
  17. I don’t know if I’m doing this right, but here it goes.

    I’ve always wanted to be one of those people who were really good at coming up with things right in the spot (like improv or social interaction in general). I never really liked the silence I’ve had with my friends when we talk about things and then stop talking for a few good minutes. For some reason, when I try to start the conversation up again, I feel like I’m being needy and doing the wrong thing.

    Moral of the story, I feel like I might try to shorten the silence.

    Reply
  18. I like to entertain people in social media but i get really scared everytime im with people in real life… they might think im a weirdo that is only active in social media but in real life im just a boring person alive….. but lately.. i’ve been enjoying my time with my siblings like before this i had never enjoyed my time with my siblings because it feels so awkward when they are around me i dont know what is wrong with me haha but i think.. my social skills gets better (just a little and im proud) *pat my on shoulder* 🙂

    Reply
  19. I would like to introduce myself to someone new every day
    So expanding my social network will assist in making new meaningful friends

    Reply
  20. I want to be more focused in a conversation, to look people in the eye and more importantly be the one to start the conversation

    Reply
  21. My problem is not fear of failure, it’s fear of success. Talking to someone who might attach him or herself to me or want more than I have to give is a big fear. How do I deal with that? Also, overstimulation is a big migraine trigger for me, so there’s that too. I don’t see much hope.

    Reply
  22. Smile more in conversations and share something that happened to me and be expressive and visual when talking to others to reach out better to them

    Reply
  23. For my entire life, I was awfully too shy and introverted. But that said, I still didn’t have any issues finding friends or holding a genuine/fluent conversations. Later down the line though, four years ago, I had moved to Sweden with my parents. It could be emphasized that my social anxiety kicked in right after I got off the airplane. I had no friends who lived there, nor was I ever introduced to Swedish language or culture beforehand. It ended up rendering me incapable of approaching people and in the end, it lead to me being completely unable to create bonds with people, and after that, I was simply no longer able to socialize with others, even when they spoke the same language as me. I became more cautious of how I speak or what I say, but instead of it being my drive to improve, I simply became worse and worse. Soon, even after I got confident in understanding the Swedish language, I still continued to feel like it was nowhere good enough to where I could be able to comfortably converse with other Swedish speaking individuals.

    I know that this is the place where I am supposed to list the goals that I wish to improve upon starting today, but I can’t come up with anything genuine that I feel comfortable enough of doing. At the very least my first psychiatrist visit is scheduled for today so I guess that is something to look forward to.

    Cheer’s –

    Reply
  24. I don’t like to make conversation with people because I don’t want to be asked personal questions such as “what do you do!” Because I don’t do anything, I don’t have an answer it is so humiliating and how most conversations go. I realise I have to have a better answer than this like to say I’m unwell (with anxiety and depression) but frankly I don’t want to tell people this either! So it is almost impossible to speak to anyone even family. I suppose I know what I have to do get interested in something so atleast I have something to say about myself. Easier said than done when I have such apathy in life and no skills socially or otherwise. Sorry I’m not being more positive and thinking of a goal, that could be it then to find an interest and pursue it and not give up!

    Reply
  25. I will speak up more and share my opinions on matters rather than just listening without giving input. Specifically, be the first the speak up and to share!

    Reply
  26. I would like to talk less about myself (which I do because I’m nervous) and be able to ask more questions to the other person in a conversation, thus building my confidence and my circle of friends.I always think that I’m saying stupid stuff so I only talk about myself, which pushes people away. I want to overcome this.

    Reply
  27. I want to have more friends and closer friends and get people to want to initiate text conversations with me and to invite to do things with them just for hanging out

    Reply
  28. Sorry, but this method works only for committed people. Those who had energy, patience and faith in what they are practicing.

    Consider this: you have no energy, everything feels like of no sense, you need to put ENORMOUS effort in order to achieve the smallest goal, which eventually confuses you and makes it even worse.
    Imagine that you’ve already been visiting therapists for years, taking medications, but the result was, again, rather negative…

    For instance (according to the task), I may wrote “I’ll go to the office and say hello to secretaries”. You have no idea how hard it is. I tried this earlier – negative effect only! Feels of weirdness, no sense and no ideas what to do next, what to make up. From the job perspective – it’s better not to act since you can continue working as usual, while such perturbations might derail you for hours!

    So, how the hell you expect me to endure such long-term demanding day-by-day algorithm, which no energy, little belief, lack of imagination and patience?

    Reply
  29. I want to remember to look people in the eyes when we’re talking to each other. I was raised to believe this is rude, especially when women do it–but my childhood was many decades ago, and it’s time to get rid of this self-defeating habit.

    Reply
  30. My goal has to do with internal thinking, I will try not to overthink my comments and relationships with others. I will be more positive and forgiving with myself.

    Reply
  31. When i’m around long term friends from years ago I feel very awkward, and it stops me from having such a normal conversation with them. When i’m around people I can’t seem to focus on the one person Im having the conversation with because I feel like the back ground people are causing a distraction with my listening & it’s feel very uncomfortable ? . Meanwhile I’m having a conversation & it feel socially awkward & I get a feeling of uncomfortably by everyone else & this happens all the time because i feel like rest knows i feel this way.

    Reply
  32. I feel I must not be a very interesting person to listen to. I occasionally get invited out with the girls. I listen to their stories. Almost every time I start talking I get interrupted! I still go, trying to keep quiet smile listen and just be happy that I get asked to go sometimes.

    Reply
    • I’m the same, people just don’t hear me or see me. But I will move on to another person because if they are not prepared to respect me and what I have to say I don’t need them in my life. Please do not make yourself small because of these girls. You are interesting to the right people. Its lonely out there without friends I know, but its even lonelier when you are not being who you really are, authentic. I have let some so called friends go because they have used me to dump all their negativity or grumbles on but when I needed an ear to listen it was dismissed. That is not a friend, that is someone who will drain you of your energy. I am learning from David and his advice and I do apply the rule of 50/50, I make sure I have something to say about myself and I stop thinking I can’t do this. I listen to their story and then I give them part of my story, but keep it light at the start. I am not fighting off new friends but I do feel lighter and better about myself. Good luck with what you do Lin.

      Reply
  33. Practice conversation pauses (I talk too much and fill the gaps when nervous). I also want to smile more to indicate to people that I’m pleased to see them.

    Reply
  34. I want to be able to give an opinion when there is a class discussion and I want to be able to talk to all my classmates so that I can feel comfortable around them.

    Reply
  35. I’ll try to smile and talk to the person sitting next to me at my class today. Usually, I’d just try to remain as invisible as possible.

    Reply
  36. I will comment or ask a question on something topical the next time I meet someone in my office kitchen. (Usually I am silent or at best smile and nod).

    Reply
  37. Today, I will callto discuss with my male friend whom I’m not comfortable interacting with because I am of the opinion that my spoken English ( tenses) is full of errors. And secondly I will like to behave with maturity in the presence of a female friend who said she so much like me but never miss any opportunity to hurt me.

    Reply
  38. I honestly feel like I’ve exhausted my efforts at trying to seek new friendships. I’ve tried as much as I can so what I’m actually going to do is just stop for a while. And that’s my challenge. I’m tired. I can’t be so awful that not one person is willing to be my friend. I’m going to try to just be happy with who I am for a while- flaws and all. Surely there is some person out there who thinks I’m likable. I’m exhausted looking for them so now someone else has to do the work. These emails have been immensely helpful but I feel isolated, alone and socially inept. I’m going to cut myself some slack and just live for a bit. I’m not perfect but I can’t be that awful. I hope not anyway.

    Reply
    • You sound like a lovely person. And I think it sounds like a great idea to give yourself some slack for a while until you feel more energized and ready to put yourself out there again.

      Nobody needs to be perfect to make friends and connections. We’re all flawed in our own ways and that’s what makes us human. But often, it takes time and energy to meet the right people that can accept and love us – flaws and all.

      Reply
      • I truly agree with you. I am tired of not being perfect for that person out there, being judged all the time. It was never this difficult, what happened??

    • Hi my name is Monica and I fully agree with you. If we can’t find one person who thinks we are worth being friends with, then screw them! Taking time away from looking is smart, but don’t get to bored or become a recluse like I have. I have been friendless for a long time now, after a while it’s hard to figure out how to spend your day. I’m not saying I don’t get out because I do, but how much fun would it be to have a friend with you? Feel free to email me, I’d like to talk to you. [email protected].com

      Reply
  39. I am going to interact with people more and make more eye contact and not feel pushy or over the top but confident and excited and that I’m being nice

    Reply
  40. Ok,this is what I am going to do tommorow,because today is almost over.This might sound weird or silly but this is very uncomfortable.I am going to get the basketball and run up to the rim and try a lay-up with the ball.Why this,because this is one thing that might actually be exciting.And
    it is something I can actually challenge myself to do in reality than something socially impossible to me.
    It is uncomfotable and exciting at the same time.It is also a social setting,with people looking at me when I do this,it is uncomfortable enough.

    Reply
  41. I’m going to invite someone I want to be friends with to a festival I’m attending with a childhood friend

    Reply
  42. I already have a pretty solid plan for how to gradually expose myself to various social environments. I just need to get better at following up and evaluate my progress daily along the way as well as doing the steps in the right order and not try to jump ahead. I’m so thankful there are people like you who have already made the journey I’d like to make, and that you’re sharing it with the world.

    I would also like to not dwell as much on things I “screwed up”, often thinking about it days after even though it’s doing no good.

    Reply
  43. Today my goal is to talk to someone my age at a party whom I kind of know and try to talk a little more than to listen.

    Reply
  44. The Goal that I hope to possibly accomplish today is, to not be too silent at a graduation party and try to be a little social.

    Reply
  45. I am going to try to talk more and ask guestions. I also wan’t to be more curious about the person I am talking to.

    Reply
  46. When a topic or conversation dies out I’m going to try to talk a bit more by coming up with one more topic to talk about.

    Reply
  47. My goal for today is to not berate myself when nervous ticks show themselves as I’m talking to someone new. I will also not allow myself to dwell in my sadness.

    Reply
    • That’s so comforting to know you too dwell in this sadness of being lonely sometimes too. I hope you know you are now alone and certainly not the only one who feels sad because you feel isolated or alone.

      Reply
  48. I always make people angry…these people are my good friends. But sometimes I always bear their bad habits and do not tell them…but after a long time when I react. They become angry and I lost them…they becoming stay away from me

    Reply
  49. Something that I could do in order to be confident in social situations is be engaged by speaking up projecting my voice and being interested in a group social setting and not just stand there listening, being ignored. Also I can learn how to not be afraid what people may think of me for what I am going to say and not overthink social situations so much.

    Reply
  50. I am going to stay at the next social gathering of people my age for at least half an hour- even if it is akward- and try and speack up more and voice any opinions, jokes or questions I have

    Reply
  51. I won’t be afraid of writing here what’s my next step, it is:
    make friends girls (not love girlfriend) and try my best to make them trust me, but slowly….
    best regards

    Reply
  52. I want to be able to socialize with people smoothly and clearly express my thoughts and feelings on things without restraining myself

    Reply
  53. Be curious and ask questions whenever someone is sharing a story. That is the easiest way to be more involved in a conversation.

    Reply
  54. I want to be able to comfortably walk into a room full of people and talk to them without feeling out of place.

    Reply
  55. I’ll try to speak out my mind more. I, usually, go through a school day without speaking at all. I’m going to start ignoring my doubts and just project my voice. I have friends at school, but I barely talk to them I feel bad. Little steps will lead to a great improvement.

    Reply
  56. Im gonna try and find a social group of people in my city with similar interests to mine and attend and try to find like minded people who hopefully I can turn to friends.

    Reply
  57. Try to keep a convo. alive and try maintaining eye contact longer while talking.I really want to talk this girl that i like but im really nervous and i ignore her. Now im going to talk to her and along the way im going tell her i like her….Wish me luck….

    Reply
    • Great information, your idea is brilliant. I’m going try on my next inter-action. Go just a tad bit further than I normally would take it. Thank you so much for the wisdom. It feels like a life changing moment just reading it and I haven’t left my room yet.

      I’m excited and forever grateful for this email .

      Reply
  58. I’d like to be comfortable talking to and making friends with just about anyone, both in one-on-one conversation and in groups. Parties with many strangers are a bit rough and can feel like tests, but I hope to be able to feel relaxed and enjoy them sometime in the future.

    Reply
  59. I want to focus on the people I meet in the street to genuinely wish them well and hopefully put a smile on their face. Instead of ignoring everyone and putting my head down like I have so many times in the past.

    Reply
  60. Smile more. My Dad use to say to me ‘find someone without a smile and give them one of yours’. I would like to do this more often, makes me feel better when I make someone else feel better.

    Reply
  61. I will not be afraid to ask people their feelings on things, or to check up on them on what they told me in a last conversation. I think perhaps conversational threading can be used in subsequent conversations—follow up on a topic that we talked about several days ago, especially if it was a confidence or a problem. I often think of things to ask AFTER the conversation is over. I am usually too hesistant to ask later, as I think I am being too nosy or just feel shy. But maybe they will like to be asked, as it certainly is from a place of caring.

    Reply
  62. I will say more than hello I’m great at greetings. But then the conversation stops. I experience all the comments I read. I think was the only one with these communication challenges. Thanks for the encouragement!!

    Reply
  63. My goal is to not be inhibited, to have confidence in what I think, say and the energy I carry. I get so self conscious sometimes and it almost bugs me how self centered those types of thinking patterns are. I want to focus more on the person in front of me instead of trying to come off a certain way or say the right thing.

    Reply
  64. If I feel to say something I won’t hesitate and do whatever I really want to do instead of thinking that others may think.I will try to improve my way of communication and response in a good way.

    Reply
  65. I will start doing what makes me happy all the times. contributing in a groups, meetings, or class discussion .also try to create a conversation with people and feed my mind on positive things

    Reply
  66. I will start speaking louder, and clearer in groups/ group conversations. I will talk more and be more social in groups/ group conversations.

    Reply
  67. I will engage with who ever i’m speaking to by comfortably sharing my personal experiences and inquiring about them. I want to get more comfortable leading the conversation and taking it places we both want it to go.

    Reply
  68. I overthink and focus too much on trying to make conversation. I can relax and start off saying something small and try not to avoid people.

    Reply
  69. I would start greeting and initiating small talk more with new people I meet. I need to just take the opportunity and do not hesitate.

    Reply
  70. i want to be social at school and be able to be myself, and be able to remove the label of “the quiet girl”. i hate it so much. talking to people makes me so happy, and if i cant do that ill never be happy. so my goal is to be confident and social, and have alot of friends at school.

    Reply
  71. Many times I do not say hi to people that I would love to talk with because they are with a group of people that I do not know (unless I know at least 2 people in the group). So I end up missing the opportunity to talk with them.

    Many times when I am in a mixed group, friends and friends of friends, I do not say a word and only listen.

    In both situations I feel so bad afterwards because I feel that I am not capable of overcoming the fear of opening up with people that I would love to know more. I think that my major issue is self-confidence.. I do not want to share my thoughts, situation, etc. Because I am scared of sharing part of me with others.

    So my goal this year is working to improve my self-confidence. Know that no one has a perfect life, and that I am worthy to feel loved, have friends, and laugh despite the bad times. Life has been hard on me and many. We deserve everything we want for us.

    Reply
  72. I always find conversation boring and tend to zone out or escape from it. Now, my goal is to at least focus on the conversation and enjoythe conversation itself.

    Reply
  73. I will stop worrying what others will think of me, will I look awkward and that others won’t like me. Instead, I will try to focus more on people I am talking to and to conversation.

    Reply
  74. I’m reading up on everyday events and news to keep myself socially up to date. Because I’m a better listener than a talker I really pay attention to conversations around me, and use what I hear in conversation.

    Thank you so much for your hard work and dedication. This is really helping!

    Reply
  75. Stop crossing my fingers under the table for better luck socially as this makes me subconsciously feel like I am doing badly and need help, whereas in reality, I am doing fine

    Reply
  76. Thank you for your email on Improve Socially Without Comfort Zone Exercises. That is simple and makes so much sense. You do not want to overwhelm people when you first meet them and build the relationship slowly and at a comfortable pace.

    Reply
  77. I joined a group that does a lot of charity events. This has helped me learn to meet new people, around new people that I have gotten to know!! This has been great at helping me talk to people although sometime I still “hide” behind the people I know. There are a few people that I think have noticed my weakness and help to “push” me. I have started “hiding” behind them sometimes because they only let me hide a little. My goal is to not duck away from a possible interaction but to smile and see what happens.

    Reply
  78. These were good articles, It can improve my self confidence to be in social environment. If it is possible, give me a suggestion to coach our children to be confidence socially.

    Sincerely

    Abdul Sari

    Reply
  79. I could speak my mind more at work about the weather or the things I like rather than bowing my head and thinking no one wants to know.

    Reply
  80. Thanks for the great advice. OFC has been helpful speaking a new social group I’ve just joined. This latest point about small steps is really interesting too – I often aim too high and then feel worse when I don’t achieve it.

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  81. I’m already good with body language, so certain gestures, looks, or postures are clear to me.

    A small step I’d like to take, without going too far, is get used to talking to othera on the internet. I am currently on a Discord server with around 40 people, including myself. And I barely know these people because I’m too shy to talk to them.

    A few years ago, before I had major anxiety, talking on the internet was easy. Some people even came to me for advice and questions. I want to be that person again.

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  82. I know this is a little off topic by I’m an introvert who has difficulty fitting in with a group of really extroverted people in school. I’ve been trying to fit in with them for almost 3yrs now and nothing seems to be working. HELP !!!

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  83. Hey David! Thanks for creating this! I know I along with MANY others can feel uncomfortable in social settings and you are creating very easy to follow and logical tips to improve the experience. OFC is great to stop the anxious loop! Looking forward to learning more and improving socially because I genuinely love people and want my interactions to be more enjoyable:)

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  84. I try to slowly push myself to do new things. Whether that’s showing myself more in public or pushing myself to be in the presence of people I usually find uncomfortable.

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  85. I was able to use your O.F.C. method on a perfect stranger yesterday. I would have otherwise not spoken to him because he seemed intimidating to me in our initial introduction. Just one successful interaction has given me confidence to continue moving ahead with your videos and advice. Thank you so much!!!!

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  86. Thank you so much David!
    I’ll try to be more friendly by smiling to people and saying hi. And also open up simple conversations like : how was your weekend?

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  87. Your technique to not be linear in conversations helped me relax tremendously and have an awesome first date the other night. Thanks!

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  88. I am so glad I found your blog. I am 63, recently widowed and look forward to enjoying life and meeting new people. You make it seem possible.

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  89. Hi David, thank you for everything you are doing for us, great achievements have been manifested in our lives socially. God bless you.

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  90. Hi David I want to say thank you for including me to the email and i am feeling positive about myself now than before so I will loose weight and improve my English this my goal

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  91. Hi David.
    So far I’m enjoying your approach.
    I’m excited to hear more from you as ive only received a couple of emails so far but I feel like I can relate to your advice

    Thanks alot

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  92. Really fantastic email. I have had loads of improvement in my social skills to the point where a lot of people view me as a very competent and social person.

    From this perspective, and from my own work & results I can say you are right on the money (with regards to doing something in smaller / more incremental steps).

    Beautiful information & thanks for the share.

    Andrew

    Reply
  93. Hi David,

    Currently wanting to get more clients and expand my business as a 19 year old. I am making 10 cold calls a day to get started. I’m slowly getting more confident and assertive to do it everyday.

    Reply
  94. Hi Dave,

    Currently trying to exercise each morning before I leave for work and that has infused some good energy, making me a bit less sluggish and more likely less irritable. I’ve been going to a woodworking group every weekend, where I usually meet new people and hang out with people I’ve already made some connection with. The group is really open and non-judgemental so I can be a little bit more at ease and not be so anxious. It was a great choice to start going, and we get to make cool wood items!

    Reply
    • Hi Nick, joining a group of likeminded like that is actually one of the things that’s shown to be incredibly effective at making great friends. ( + that woodworking is awesome!)

      Reply
  95. Hi David, I’ve tried to work hard on my body language and I’ve also started going to the gym and eating healthier, and it has definitely made me feel better about myself. I also have tried looking more “open” and approachable by trying to smile at people more often.

    Reply
  96. Great explanation David. Show really well why I struggle with some challenges, and others are really exciting. Though the major trap is thinking you are still at ‘exciting’, while that place has already become the comfort zone. I guess my next social challenge is talking to more random strangers for practice!

    Reply

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