March 13, 2014 David Morin

How to Be More Charismatic in 3 Steps

We all share a yearning to have others accept us and make us feel comfortable. With this in mind, there are certain people we meet that have a natural way of making us feel cared for and as a result, we want to spend time with them. These are characteristics of charismatic people. If you want to become more charismatic to others, here are some tips to help you.

1. Have a positive attitude

Simply, charismatic people attract attention because they make others feel comfortable. Here are some ways you can embody a positive attitude to others:

  • Smile as much as you can when talking to others. For one, it will put them at ease. Further, smiling shows that you are happy to spend time with that person or group of people.
  • Be sure you are engaging. Ask open-ended questions to get to know others better. As the conversation develops don’t be afraid to ask follow-up questions. For example, if you meet a writer, ask them which writers influence them the most.
  • As part of this, you should show others you are listening by bringing up their name during conversation. Have you ever noticed that when someone brings up your name during conversation it impresses you? It impresses you because they are taking the time to remember your name.
  • Another part of a positive attitude is the body language you convey. If you stand or sit slumped over and you fail to make eye contact, you won’t attract others. Instead, they will think you are either shy or uninterested in them. Meanwhile, by having a good posture and making eye contact, you show others that you are genuinely interested in them.

By having a positive attitude, you’ll find that you will attract others naturally. This can make it easier to communicate with them. Further, how you treat others will also be a big factor in how they view you. Read my guide on how to be more outgoing here.

2. Be genuine

It’s important that you be yourself. When you try to be someone else, it comes off an unauthentic and can prevent people from coming close to you. Here are some characteristics to being more genuine:

  • Try mirroring someone during conversation. According to Think Simple Now, this is an effective way to feel what the other person is going through. To do this, you mirror the other person’s body language and facial expressions. While it may seem like you are mimicking them, instead you are building a connection with them. For example, say someone is going through a difficult time. They may have a frown and sit stooped over. By mirroring this, you are not making fun of them. Instead, you are communicating empathy to their situation, which can make the other person feel more comfortable and open up.
  • You can also offer to help others. When you place others first, people will notice this. By communicating to others that their needs matter, you are telling that person that you respect them. In turn, your kindness will attract others. Remember, people will pay attention to your words, but they will remember your actions more. If you are someone that goes out of their way to help others without expecting anything in return, it speaks volumes about your character. This authenticity will make you more attractive to others.
  • You show others you are interested in them. By taking time out of your day just to see how others are doing through a phone call, a quick hello when walking down the halls or an email, you express care in that other person. When you are on the receiving end of it, it can have a positive influence.
  • Don’t allow emotions to dictate your words or actions. Charismatic people own the situation. If a heated debate transpires, they speak in calm voices to diffuse the situation. In a stressful environment, they stay calm and take care of business.

3. Show your personality

One thing that charismatic people do is they express themselves. Now, this doesn’t mean you should go over the top and be boisterous with everyone you meet. Instead, practice these behaviors:

  • Don’t be afraid to shake someone’s hand you just met. Just that simple act shows that you acknowledge them.
  • You shouldn’t be afraid to use humor during conversation provided that humor is tactful and unoffensive. People naturally gravitate to those that are friendly and can make them laugh.
  • Express your confidence by initiating conversation with others. People can feel at ease when someone starts the conversation and expresses an interest in them.
  • You should be energetic around others. You do this by changing your voice inflection when appropriate to match others in conversation. You also stay on point and are able to converse with a wide variety of people in any social setting.

Overall, charisma is the ability to express confidence to attract others. As part of this, it’s important to differentiate between natural charisma and fake. For example, if you “act” then you are missing the point. Acting like your confident isn’t the same thing as being confident. Confidence comes from an inner peace where you know you have something to offer others, but you also don’t think you are better than them. Furthermore, charismatic people don’t feel the need to attract others. Instead, they allow their personality and kindness to shine through. This is what attract others to them. By following these three principles, you can develop these skills to become more charismatic to others.

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In an online social skills world full of so-called gurus peddling shallow and manipulative advice, SocialPro stands apart.

David has really done his homework on this site - much of the content is derived from psychological studies, and he takes care to explain concepts in a way that makes them easy to apply. Plus, his content is ethical and scrupulously avoids shady tricks or manipulative techniques.

Dan Wendler Creator of the 260.000+ subreddit /socialskills