How to tell if a guy likes you: 43 signs he has a crush on you

How to tell if a guy likes you

How do you know if a guy likes you?

My name is Viktor Sander. I’ve been working as a dating coach for over 8 years helping both men and women understand the signs we give when we like someone.

Here are the 43 best signs to help you tell if a guy has a crush on you or not.

1. Does he ever stare at you?

You probably know how hard it is to NOT look at someone you like. Prolonged eye contact without talking is a big tell that a guy likes you.

But to be fair, it’s common that guys stare at any girl they find attractive. And it’s an easy way for him to show his interest without having to approach you. But who knows, he might even have a secret crush on you?

2. Is he mirroring you?

Mirroring means that his body language, posture, or even what he’s saying reflects what you said or did.

Examples of mirroring:

  • When you take a sip of your glass, he also takes a sip of his glass
  • When you cross your legs, he crosses his legs
  • When you get very animated/passionate in a conversation, he also gets animated
  • When you lean in, he also leans in
  • When you laugh, he laughs

Note that mirroring is done subconsciously when he has a good rapport with you. But it can also be done consciously if he really wants to impress you or bond with you. It’s a great sign either way.

3. Has he added you on social media (like Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, or WhatsApp) after you met?

Adding you on social media means that he wants to keep contact with you and might be a bit interested in you. This is also good because now you can more easily start a conversation with him online.

4. How long are his texts or messages compared to yours?

If his texts are about the same length or longer than yours, that’s great. It’s especially good if they’re longer than yours.

If he usually gives short answers compared to you, that’s a bad sign. When you’re giving him long replies, but not getting the same in return, it means you’re probably too eager.

In that case, it’s good to step back a bit and try to match him better.

5. Is he teasing you?

Most forms of teasing (even mean teasing) are usually a sign he’s interested in you. It means he’s trying to create a flirty vibe between you and that he wants a reaction from you.

Have fun with it and don’t be afraid to tease him back! 😉

6. Is he doing the “lean in”?

If he’s leaning in toward you, that shows he wants to get closer to you (or he’s really passionate about what he’s saying). When a guy has a crush on you, it can feel like he’s magnetically drawn to you.

7. Is he getting “too close” to you compared to what is normal?

If you’re in a conversation and you feel like he’s edging closer to you, or as if he’s almost uncomfortably too close to you, that’s a good sign. He may be attracted to you and wants to feel closer to you both physically and mentally.

Note that different cultures have different “personal spaces”. So, if he’s from a different culture than you, see how close he gets to others to see if it’s just you or everyone.

8. Has he ever offered you a massage?

This is one of the more obvious tells that a guy likes you. Offering a massage is a nice thing to do, but it’s also a smooth way for a guy to get you both touching each other. (Remember to offer him one back if you like him!)

9. Is he smiling toward you?

If he’s smiling toward you from afar, that’s an invitation to approach him. (I’m assuming you didn’t just forget to put your pants on when leaving home.)

If he’s smiling toward you when you’re in a conversation, that’s a sign he likes you. Especially if he has a light smile while you’re not even joking.

10. Is he giving you mixed signals?

Mixed signals are really tricky to interpret and can make anyone confused. But in most cases, they do mean he’s interested in you. Here are the most common reasons why he’s giving you mixed and confusing signals.

9 Reasons why he’s giving you mixed signals:

  1. He doesn’t want to come off as too eager
  2. He’s shy
  3. He’s nervous and insecure
  4. He’s afraid of seeming desperate
  5. He’s afraid you’ll reject him
  6. He’s inexperienced in flirting
  7. He’s following some weird rules or pick-up tips he’s read
  8. He’s just flirting with you (because flirting is all about giving mixed signals)
  9. He likes the attention or validation he gets from you but isn’t really interested in you

If you need help, explain your situation in as much detail as possible in the comments. I’ll reply to well-written comments and help you interpret the signs.

11. Does he give you any compliments?

Getting a compliment from a guy in your age is a good sign. If he’s giving you compliments about how pretty you are, it’s an even better sign.

It can be hard to tell a friendly compliment from a romantic one because they can sound exactly the same. To know for sure, look for other signs he’s also giving you or describe your situation in the comments below.

12. How large are his pupils when you two are talking?

If his pupils get large when you’re in a conversation, you’re doing something right. This one is quite subtle because pupil size is primarily determined by light levels, but secondarily attraction can also increase pupil size.

13. Is he holding eye contact with you for “too long”?

When a guy has a crush on you, it can be so hard for him to keep his eyes off of you. You can notice this if he’s holding eye contact with you slightly too long.

It can almost feel a little weird or intense when it happens. And that’s great (if you like him).

Click here if you want to learn how to improve your eye contact.

14. Is he giving you a slight smile when you get eye contact?

If you’re standing in a group, and when someone else is talking, you two get eye contact. Does he give you a slight smile?

Same thing if you get eye contact at a distance, in a park, or at a bar. A smile is an invitation to start talking. He’s interested!

15. If there’s background music, what’s his body language and what is he looking at?

This sign is most useful at a place with some background music, for example at a bar or a club.

If he’s moving in rhythm with the background music and at the same time looking at you, that’s a sign he’s attracted to you. Dancing like that and looking at you is an inviting form of body language. That tells you he wants your attention and is trying to get you to make a move.

16. Does he straighten his posture when he is close to you?

Is he straightening his back and standing up more straight? It means he’s a bit self-conscious when hanging out near you and he wants to make a good impression.

Not that strong of a sign because most single guys want to make a good impression on attractive girls. But if you see it together with many other signs, it means more.

17. What direction is he facing in group situations?

If he’s facing you more often than he’s facing others in a group, that’s a sign he’s into you and values you more than others in the group. This is especially telling if you’re not the one talking the most in the group.

18. Where are his feet pointing?

If his feet are pointing toward you, that’s a sign in the same line as if his body is facing you. He’s subconsciously focused on you which makes his feet point toward you.

19. Is he fiddling with or straightening his clothes or accessories?

This could be because of nervosity, but it can also be because he wants to look good in front of you. It’s a classic sign of attraction.

20. What direction are his palms facing?

If the palms of his hands are pointed in your direction that signals he might be interested in you. It’s a small sign, but it’s still positive because it’s part of an open and welcoming body language he has toward you.

21. If you touch him, does he touch you back?

For example, if you touch his arm, does he touch you in a similar area later on in the conversation? If he does reciprocate your touch, that’s a great sign.

If he’s shy or inexperienced, he might not feel comfortable touching you back even if he has a crush on you.

22. Is he extra touchy with you?

A good tell he likes you is if he’s touching you unusually much compared to others.

Common areas to touch are arms, shoulders, back, hands, or thighs. Hands or thighs are usually more intimate if he touches those.

23. Do you ever have “peripheral physical contact”?

Peripheral physical contact is when some part of your bodies are in contact with each other when you are doing something else.

Example: If you’re both sitting down and your thighs are barely touching each other. Or if you’re walking side by side and he grabs hold of your arm.

This kind of passive physical contact means a lot and can build a lot of suspense and attraction. It’s the best feeling being close to someone you got a crush on.

24. Is he giving you more of his attention than he’s giving others?

The more attention he gives you, the more interested he usually is in you. Compare this to how much attention he gives to other girls also hanging out with him or in the same group as you.

Example: If you’re in a group but he seems to direct most of his attention toward you. It could be that he’s asking you lots of questions or that he’s laughing more than others at your jokes. Or just listening more intently to you.

25. Does he ever blush when you talk or get eye-contact?

He might just be shy, but he’s probably a bit extra self-conscious around you because he likes you. This makes him blush around you.

Social anxiety can also cause blushing. But it’s still a great sign.

26. Does he seem to look in your direction from far away?

Guys can be a bit sneaky when they want to check you out. They can make it seem like they’re only looking in your direction or just grazing you with his eyes. And if he has sunglasses it’s even harder to know if he’s checking you out.

So if he’s looking in your direction, especially if he does it several times, he’s probably checking you out.

27. Does he keep the conversation going when you stop talking?

What happens when there’s a pause in the conversation or if you stop talking? If he seems eager to get the conversation going again, that’s good. If he lets the conversation die out or excuses himself, he may not be that interested (unless he’s just shy).

28. How quickly does he reply when you text or message him?

A quick reply is a good sign he likes you. Also, if he replies with several texts to your one text, that’s even better.

However, if he likes you, he may also delay his replies to avoid seeming needy or desperate. But as long as he replies, it’s all good. If he’s slow to reply, it could just mean he’s busy or he doesn’t like texting, so don’t read too much into it.

29. Who texts or calls first?

Is he the one initiating contact or are you? If he is, that probably means he’s interested in you.

But if he never calls or texts first, that’s a sign of lack of interest. In that case, it can be good to take a step back to see if he will take initiative. If you’re always so quick to take initiative, he might never even have a chance to do it first.

30. How often does he text you?

Compare this to how often you text him. He’s eager if he’s texting more often than you, and you’re more eager if you’re the one texting more often. If he’s sending you several texts in a row without a reply it’s a stronger sign.

31. Does he stammer, stutter, or become awkward in a conversation with you?

This could mean that he feels shy or self-conscious around you. When a guy likes you, it’s common that he gets a bit extra awkward or stutters when talking to you. That’s because he gets uncomfortable and doesn’t want to mess up in front of you. It’s kind of cute, isn’t it?

32. Does he back off if you get a bit too close?

If he doesn’t even flinch when you get a bit too close to his personal space, that’s a sign he wants you close to him.

If you take a step closer, and he backs off by a step, that’s a sign he’s a bit more reserved toward you.

33. Does he ever talk about things he wants to do with you?

Planning or mentioning things he wants to do with you in the future is a very strong indication of some sort of interest, romantic or platonic.

Example: If you’re talking about a newly opened restaurant and they say “We should go there someday!” or “I’ll show you how amazing that place is!”

34. How does he react when you discover you have something in common?

If he’s happy, that’s good. This sign is extra strong if it’s something very trivial, like that you live in the same part of town, that you’re the same age, or that you both like pizza.

Example: You discover that you both grew up in the same city and he gets really excited about it even if it’s no big deal.

35. Is he asking you any personal questions?

If he is, that’s telling you that he wants to know more about you and is interested in you. The more he asks, the better.

Example: Asking about your plans for the future, your childhood, or your favorite food.

36. Has he asked you about your plans for the day or the weekend?

This might just be empty small talk, but it could also be him trying to open a window where you can meet again and hang out. It’s more likely it’s a sign of interest if he brings it up near the end of the conversation.

37. Is he trying to make you jealous?

This is a strong sign he’s interested in you. But it’s also a sign he’s emotionally immature and manipulative. I would avoid someone acting like that. You deserve to be treated with respect.

38. Has he told his family about you?

This one is most relevant once you’ve already started dating. But it’s such a huge sign of interest (and approval) that I think it’s worth mentioning. It’s even bigger if he’s from a culture where approval from the family is important.

If he’s told his family, it means he is visualizing and planning a future with you. Congrats!

  1. Is he staying to talk with you even though his friends have left?

This is a big tell. If you’re in some sort of group conversation with him and his friends, and all his friends leave but he stays – he’s probably into you. Still might not be romantic interest if you just have a great conversation and have lots in common.

An example could be when you’re at a party, and all his friends leave to get a bite to eat, but he stays with you.

40. How can you tell if a coworker likes you?

At work, It can be hard to tell if a coworker is flirting with you or just being friendly. Usually, guys play it safer at work because he doesn’t want to create any awkward situations if he would be rejected. So, he might be probing to see if you like him before he gives you any clear signs of interest.

6 ways to tell if a coworker likes you:

  1. He comes over to talk with you as often as possible
  2. He often teases you
  3. It seems likes he’s flirting, but you’re not really sure
  4. He tries to hang out near you when possible
  5. He tries to be funny when he’s near you
  6. He’s eager to do any work tasks where you work together
  7. He goes above and beyond to help you out at work
  8. He gets weird or stiff when he’s near you, but he’s normal with everyone else

I think this is super interesting, so if you have a work-related situation, write it down in the comments. I will 100% give you a reply and help you interpret the signs.

41. How do you know if your best friend likes you?

Here are 7 signs your best friend might have started liking you as more than a friend:

  1. Is he acting differently from how he usually behaves?
  2. Does he seem jealous or dismissive of other guys you might like?
  3. Is he suddenly extra touchy-feely?
  4. Is he unusually interested in your interests?
  5. Has his behavior toward you changed recently?
  6. Does he seem extra needy?
  7. Has he told you he has feelings for you?

If you’re still unsure, let me know about your situation in the comments below and I’ll do my best to help.

42. How do you know for sure if a guy friend is interested?

You can’t really know for sure if a cute guy is interested just based off of a sign in this list. But there are a few rules you can use to help you know:

  1. Is he regularly showing you signs of interest?
  2. Does he act differently to others than to you? (So he’s not just flirty with everyone.)
  3. Has he shown any particularly strong signs of interest?
  4. Can you see any patterns in his behavior toward you?

43. Are you still unsure if he likes you?

Write down your situation in the comments below in as much detail as possible. I’ll answer the most interesting comments to help tell if the guy likes you or if he’s just being friendly/flirty/mean. I’m also hoping that you can help someone else by replying to their comment – that way everyone gets something.

How to talk to girls: 15 tips to catch her interest

How to talk to girls

I was one of those guys who never got any girls to like me.

Today, I’ve coached over 100 men and worked for 8 years as a dating coach. I know that no matter your current situation, it’s possible to become confident talking to girls.

Here are my best tips on how to talk to girls.

1. Best 6 things to talk about with a girl

What should you actually say when you start talking to a girl? What do girls find interesting?

Here are 6 topics that are fun and easy to start off a conversation.

  1. Movies, music, or books (What does she like? Figure out if you have anything in common.)
  2. Goals and dreams (What does she dream of doing in the future?)
  3. Family (Where are they from, does she have any siblings?)
  4. Traveling (Does she have any travel plans? What’s the coolest place she’s visited?)
  5. Work or school (What does she work with/what class does she like best?)
  6. What she likes doing in her free time

These topic are great to start off with because most girls have something to say about it. When you’ve started talking you can go deeper and develop the conversation more from there.

If you ever run out of things to say, any of these topics are great to restart the conversation.

2. How to stop being nervous when talking to cute girls

For some of us, nervousness causes us to freeze up as soon as we’ve started talking to a girl we like. Even worse if we got a crush on her.

There are many reasons to feel nervous when we’ve started talking with a girl:

  1. It feels like more is at stake
  2. We’re afraid of rejection
  3. We don’t have enough experience talking to girls
  4. We become self-conscious around a cute girl we want to impress

I have 3 tricks to deal with nervosity (and shyness).

A. Focus on the girl instead of on yourself

Do this by putting your focus on what the girl is saying, how she’s feeling, what she wants. Ask yourself questions in your head about these things. Try to figure out who she really is.

When you switch your focus from yourself to her like this, something magical happens. Your nervosity and self-consciousness will start to disappear. That’s because your brain can’t focus on two things at the same time. So if you focus on the girl, you’ll make sure you stay present and avoid any extreme nervosity.

B. It’s better to be a bit nervous than not nervous at all

If you’re a bit nervous and it shines through, that can create a certain tension and intensity. That tension is good for the chemistry between you and the girl.

For example, if your voice starts to shake a little, it won’t turn her off. Instead, it helps make the interaction more exciting and genuine. It signals that this means something to you which makes it more interesting to the girl.

Nervosity is our bodies reaction to preparing us for a new and challenging situation. It has the psychological function of making us more creative and wittier.

When we realize nervosity is there to help us, we can stop being “afraid of being afraid”.

C. Acting with fear

Just because we are afraid doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t do something. Even if your voice is shaking, we can still decide to make conversation with a girl we’re attracted to.

This is a powerful mindset known by behavioral scientists as acting with fear. It’s GREAT to be nervous and still do things you are afraid of. That’s how you conquer your fear.

It feels like fear is a sign to stop. But in reality, fear is a sign that something good is about to happen: That we are going to do something that will help us grow as a person.

Fear is not a sign to stop. It’s a sign of growth.

3. Learn how to talk to girls with the “bucket principle”

When we talk to a girl we’re attracted to, we often feel that we need to come off as smart, confident, and attractive.

When we try to solve this nearly impossible equation, we lock up. The end result is that we become less attractive.

The problem here is that we put the girl in the “girlfriend bucket” and everyone else in the “friend bucket”. To get more relaxed with girls, we need to start putting them in the “friend bucket” too.

Try this: Make a conscious decision to smile, talk, and interact with girls in the same way you would with a stranger. Don’t try to be funny, smart, or attractive.

Does this mean that you can’t have flirty interaction with a girl you’re attracted to? No, this isn’t what this is about. This is about not trying to do everything differently just because you’re attracted to someone. Trying too much is a surefire way to mess up.

Here are 6 signs that you’re being weird when talking to girls:

  1. Being too nice
  2. Being too polite
  3. Being too cocky
  4. Being cold
  5. Trying to be smart
  6. Trying to be confident

Just treat the girl like everyone else and be friendly. Down the road, when you know there’s a chemistry between you, you can start considering that girl as a potential girlfriend.

4. How to tell if a girl likes you

Here are some of the more common signs I’ve seen that tells if she’s got a crush on you.

  1. She’s laughing at your jokes even if they’re bad
  2. She added you on social media and likes your posts (Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram)
  3. She told her friends and family about you
  4. She’s teasing you in a playful or flirty manner
  5. She’s holding eye contact with you for a longer time than normal
  6. She touches you when you talk
  7. She seems extra shy when you hang out with her
  8. She gives you more attention than others

Click here to read all 42 signs to tell if a girl likes you.

5. The mistake of trying to prove that you’re worthy of her

Most guys make the mistake of trying to qualify themselves to the girl.

They’re thinking: “What should I say to make her like me?”

It’s an unattractive mindset because it puts her on a pedestal. All the cool things about you become repulsive if you use them to “prove you’re worthy”.

What I like to do is to turn this around by assuming that I am worthy by default.

Then I can focus on finding out if she’s worthy of my standards.

You do this by simply making normal back-and-forth conversation. But your underlying purpose in the conversation is to figure out if YOU like her. When you focus on this, you will also feel more confident talking to her.

And if you like her, it will feel like a natural step to get her number or ask her to meet up again.

6. Increase attraction by maintaining suspense

Suspense is uncertainty combined with excitement. And you can increase attraction by keeping her in suspense.

If you give her compliments all the time and give her all your attention, she will know that she could have you whenever she wants. This kills the suspense for her, it’s not exciting.

If you give her just enough attention and compliments to tickle her interest, she will suspect you’re interested in her, but she won’t be certain. This will make her think even more of you because the human brain wants clarity.

This isn’t just something that works on girls. The girls I’ve been the most obsessed with are those who I didn’t quite know if they liked me as much as I liked them.

7. Keep her interested by “matching investment”

This principle is about matching her investment in your relationship (or conversation). So, if she’s opening up a lot about herself, you can match that by opening up equally much. And if she’s not opening up, you probably shouldn’t tell her your full life story yet.

The principle of matching investment also applies to most other things, for example, how long messages you write, and how you write them. Or how often you interact with her on social media.

If you text her all the time, she will feel pressured to answer you. The reason too much pressure on her is a bad thing is because it takes all the fun and spontaneity out of your relationship. Replying to you can start feeling like a chore instead of something fun and exciting.

If you message her as much or less than her, your communication will feel relaxed and mutual; it won’t make her feel pressured or stressed answering you.

Example: If she messages you several times a day, feel free to message her about as much. But if she never messages you, keep your messaging to a bare minimum. This avoids putting too much pressure on her to reciprocate.

This ties in with maintaining suspense like we talked about earlier. Don’t give her everything, all the time. Just give her enough to keep her interested.

8. Build attraction by being non-reactive instead of trying to please

When you learn how to talk to girls, you may notice how they start complaining to you, teasing you, or nagging you. Maybe they dislike your outfit, they question your life choices, or they complain about your haircut.

Most often, this is a subconscious behavior which happens because she’s interested in you. If you react and try to please her, it will often be a turn off for her. If you’re instead non-reactive, it shows that you are confident in who you are.

Example: A girl complains about your haircut.

In this case, the most attractive thing you can do is to show her that you are confident with your haircut and that her opinion doesn’t affect you negatively.

A non-reactive response could be to not even notice what she said, or it could be to play along with it as a joke because you found it funny. The important part is that you don’t try to please her.

Read here how I stopped caring so much what others think.

9. Trying too hard to be funny or interesting KILLS the conversation

Most inexperienced guys get this wrong.

They think it’s so important to keep the conversation fun or interesting, that they forget about the most basic conversational rules. This leads to weird, awkward, or uncomfortable conversations.

Not even the most entertaining topic can help you if the girl you’re talking to feels uncomfortable talking to you.

If you can maintain a normal conversation that makes her feel comfortable and relaxed with you, you’re already halfway there.

Click here to read how to make interesting conversation with anyone.

10. The alpha-trap that KILLS attraction with girls

Here’s where guys make another big mistake (that I’ve also been guilty of).

That is, trying to play the role of an “alpha” or to be “mysterious”. The problem is that when we try to mimic alpha-behavior, we come off as fake and insincere.

I’ve seen way too many guys in clubs trying to play the role of someone everyone else can see that they aren’t. On top of that, when you try to be alpha, you’re not being yourself, and that shines through.

The same thing with guys trying to be mysterious; it just gets weird.

Ironically, there’s an easy solution to this. Focus on just having a normal, relaxed conversation and let go of all pick-up ideas.

Most girls dream of a man they can have normal, relaxed, and enjoyable conversations with.

When you can have a normal conversation with a girl without pretending you’re someone else, you will also become more confident and attractive.

11. Taking the next step when talking to a girl

How do you ensure that your conversation actually leads somewhere?

It’s easy to get stuck making conversation and entertaining. Then you conveniently forget (or don’t dare) to take the next step. I’ve done it over a hundred times… I’m was the master of excuses.

What I mean by the next step is to ask for her number/Facebook/Snapchat, ask her on a date/activity, or going from light physical touch to the first kiss.

I remember how my friend met his girlfriend. We were all hanging out in a big group. And when it was time to leave, he was going to go shoot some hoops with his best friend.

He then casually asked the girl he liked if she wanted to join them. She did. Not many days later they started dating. And weeks after that they were boyfriend-girlfriend.

Lesson learned: Just do it. Take the initiative and proceed to ask her out. If she says yes, that’s great. If she says no, that’s great too because now you know and can either try again with better timing or you can focus on someone else.

But how do we know WHEN we should proceed to take the next step?

When is it natural to take someone’s number or ask her out on a date?

My rule is this: Take the next step when the conversation feels good or when it’s natural for you to do so.

So how do you know when the conversation feels good?

The right time is when you are both having a good time talking and you both feel some kind of light connection. It can be so simple as when she feels: “Yeah, he’s normal and we seem to have some stuff in common.”

I’m not saying it’s easy taking initiative with someone you got a crush on. It’s really hard. But you’re going to regret not trying. And you’ll always be happy you tried even if it didn’t go your way.

12. Beating fear of rejection and developing courage

When I was around 18, I had never even kissed a girl. One of my biggest fears was making a move and getting rejected in some horrible way. I assumed that if I got rejected, it would prove that no girl could ever like me.

I figured I would wait for a girl to make a move on me. I thought, If I just got charming and attractive enough, it would eventually happen.

The problem was and still is this:

Most girls have the same fear of rejection we have.

If you don’t take initiative yourself, your chances are slim to none that you’ll ever meet someone you really like unless you’re very lucky or insanely good looking. Most girls are shy when it comes to taking initiative.

What helped me beat my fear of rejection was becoming aware of it. I started to see how my fear of rejection was holding me back from ever meeting a girl I liked.

I needed to push my boundaries and show my intentions toward girls I liked. If I never took initiative and risked getting rejected, nothing would happen.

I understood that I had to put myself in situations where I got rejected to overcome my fear.

I did a lot of online dating, and also talking to random girls I met in my daily life. I actually challenged myself to ask random girls out on a date.

Even if I got rejected most of the time, it was still a win every time I dared to do it; each rejection helped me overcome my fear and gave me more experience talking to girls. My courage grew with each rejection.

Mindset: Looking at rejection logically

If we think about it, what’s the worst that can happen? In 99 out of 100 rejections I’ve had, the girl has politely and friendly declined to give me her number. And nothing more happened, I just excused myself after some friendly parting words.

And you know what, getting rejected like that rocks!

I’ve never regretted asking for a girl’s number and getting a no. I’ve always left proud that I dared to do it. And usually, I learned something to help me do better next time.

I’ve actually been rejected more than a thousand times. If I hadn’t allowed myself to be rejected so many times, I would never have met my girlfriend as of 7+ years.

Rejection sounds dramatic, but in the end, a rejection is just a semi-awkward conversation or an unanswered text message. The world always moves on. And so will you.

13. How often should you keep in contact with a girl?

There are two main principles to balance when you determine how often you should communicate with her.

The first principle is to strike while the iron is hot. Don’t wait so long that she starts forgetting about you or assumes you’re uninterested. You want her memory of you to be bright and clear; you want her to be thinking about you.

But if you just went by this, you would probably come off as far too eager and intense. Being too eager signals that you haven’t got much else going on in your life and would put off most girls.

To balance this, we need the second principle: giving her time and space to develop her feelings for you.

When you give her some time to wait and think about you, she will start looking forward to the next time you message or call her.

Calling her about 2 days after you got her number usually strikes a good balance.

14. The mistake of proclaiming your love or feelings for the girl

I’ve seen this one so many times. And I’ve done it myself, too.

This goes in line with the tip about maintaining suspense. Avoid telling her how you feel about her or that you like her before you KNOW that she has feelings for you.

I’ve seen so many guys crush their chances by telling the girl about their feelings. It just ends up putting pressure on the girl to reciprocate, and if she hasn’t developed equally strong feelings yet, she will want to escape that pressure.

Even if she was a bit interested in you, and you told her you’re VERY interested in her, she will feel pressured to like you back just as much to avoid hurting your feelings.

We tend to obsess over things we’re uncertain we can get. Things we know we can have, we take for granted. So, if you make it perfectly clear to a girl that she can have you, you become less exciting.

Instead of proclaiming your love, take the next step through actions like we talked about before. Ask her out on a date, ask for her number, or go for the kiss.

15. How to approach and start a conversation with a girl you like

Approaching can feel extremely scary to many, it usually feels scarier the less experience we have with it. I have had clients that literally felt like they were going to die if they approached a girl, and after some training, they actually started to enjoy approaching.

So how do we get the courage to approach an attractive woman?

The answer I’ve found works best for most is simple but requires work.

I call it exposure training. The main point of this method is to expose ourselves to what we are afraid of gradually.

So, we start with something that is only a little scary until we feel it’s no longer scary. Then we move up our ladder to something a bit scarier and so on.

An example could be that you start by asking women about the time, then you give women a compliment, and eventually, you go over to asking for a date. This is how you build confidence and courage to approach.

The good thing is that approaching isn’t necessary to have success with girls. thanks to online dating and dating apps like Tinder. You don’t need the courage to approach a woman at random if you don’t want to.

In the comments below, I’d love to see you share one small step you can take this week to get more comfortable talking to girls.

It could be something like talking with a girl at work/or in your class at school, asking someone random about the time, giving a compliment, asking for a date, attending an event, or something else. And you get a bonus star if you get rejected.

How to tell if a girl likes you: 42 signs she has a crush on you

How to tell if a girl likes you

How do you know if a girl likes you or even has a crush on you?

My name is Viktor Sander. I’ve coached hundreds of men to have more success with women.

Here’s a list of 42 signs to help you understand how she feels about you.

1. Is she laughing at your jokes (even when they’re bad)?

This has always been a BIG GREEN SIGN of interest for me. I’ve seen it both in most of the girls I’ve dated and also in girls my friends have dated. If she got a crush on you, she will most likely think all your jokes are super funny even if they aren’t.

Read more: How to be funny (for un-funny people).

2. Is she mirroring you?

Mirroring means that her body language, posture, or even what she’s saying reflects what you said or did. So if you take a sip of your glass, if she’s mirroring that, she’ll also take a sip of her glass. Or if you cross your legs and she does the same, that’s also mirroring.

Take note that mirroring is done subconsciously when she has a very good rapport with you. But it can also be done consciously if she really wants to impress you or bond with you. It’s a great sign either way.

3. Has she added you on social media (like Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, or WhatsApp) after you met?

This one means she wants to stay in touch and is at least a little bit interested in you. It also makes it a lot easier for you to take initiative.

4. How long are her texts or messages compared to yours?

Is she always giving you short answers, or is she giving you a small novel as a reply?

If her texts are about the same length or longer than yours, that’s great. It’s especially good if they’re longer than yours.

If you’re usually giving her long replies, but not getting the same in return, it means you’re probably too eager. In that case, it’s often good to step back a bit and try to match her better. Give her some space so she wants to come back to you again.

5. Is she teasing you?

Is it mean teasing or more flirty and light-hearted?

Most forms of teasing (even mean) are usually a sign she’s interested in you. I LOVE it when a girl I like tries to tease me. It means she’s trying to create a flirty vibe between you and that she wants a reaction from you. Just don’t take it too seriously and try to have fun with her!

6. Is she doing the “lean in”?

If she’s leaning in toward you, that’s a sign she’s eager to get your attention or get her message across. And in the best case, it also means she’s eager to get closer to you.

7. Is she getting “too close” to you compared to what is normal?

If you’re in a conversation and you feel like she’s edging closer to you, or as if she’s almost uncomfortably too close to you, that’s a good sign. It could mean she’s attracted to you and wants to feel closer to you both physically and mentally.

Take note that different cultures have different “personal spaces”. So, if she’s from a different culture than you, it might just be because of that.

8. Is she’s doing the “lip bite thing”?

Biting herself lightly in the lip is a flirty and cute (or sexy) signal. If she’s biting herself in the lip while you’re talking, that’s great. She’s probably into you.

9. Is she smiling toward you?

If she’s smiling toward you from afar, that’s an invitation to approach her. Or she’s flirting with you. (I’m assuming you didn’t just forget to put your pants on when leaving home. I almost did that once, not recommended!)

If she’s smiling toward you when you’re in a conversation, that’s a sign she likes you. Especially if she has a light smile while you’re not even joking.

10. Is she doing “the lick”?

Is she licking her lips or teeth? This is similar to biting her lips, but a bit more subtle and less flirty. Still a good sign she might like you.

11. How much is she blinking?

If she’s blinking more than normal, that’s a good sign.

12. How large are her pupils when you two are talking?

If her pupils get large when you’re in a conversation, you’re doing something right. This one is quite subtle because pupil size is primarily determined by light levels, but secondarily attraction can also increase pupil size.

13. How long is she holding your eye contact?

If you notice that she’s holding eye contact slightly longer than normal, she’s probably interested in you. That kind of eye contact often feels more intense, and can even be a bit weird or uncomfortable.

14. Is she giving you a light smile when you get eye contact?

Say that you’re all standing in a circle, and when someone else is talking, you two get eye contact. Does she give you a slight smile? She likes you.

Same thing if you get eye contact at a distance, in a park or at a bar. A smile is like an invitation to start talking.

15. If there’s background music, what’s her body language and what is she looking at?

This sign is most useful at a place with some background music, for example at a bar or a club.

If she’s moving in rhythm with the background music and at the same time looking at you, that’s a sign she’s attracted to you. Dancing like that and looking at you is an inviting form of body language. That tells you she wants your attention and is trying to get you to make a move.

16. What’s her posture like around you?

Does she straighten her posture when she gets your attention or is close to you? That means she’s trying to make a good impression on you.

17. What direction is her body facing in a group?

If she’s facing you more often than she’s facing others in a group, that’s a sign she’s into you and values you more than others in the group. This is especially telling if you’re not even the one talking the most in the group.

18. Where are her feet pointing?

If her feet are pointing toward you, that’s a sign in the same line as if her body is facing you. She’s subconsciously focused on you which makes her feet point toward you.

19. Is she fiddling with or straightening her clothes, jewelry, or accessories?

This could be because of nervosity, but it can also be because she wants to look good in front of you. It’s a classic sign of attraction.

20. What direction are her palms facing?

If the palms of their hands are pointed in your direction that signals she might be interested in you. It’s a weak signal, but it’s still positive because it’s part of an open and welcoming body language she has toward you.

21. If you touch her, does she touch you back?

For example, if you touch her arm, does she touch you in a similar area later on in the conversation? If she does reciprocate your touch, that’s a great sign, but it also depends on if she’s touchy with most people or just you?

Also, shy girls usually don’t touch back because they’re so afraid of messing up.

22. Does she touch you when you talk or in any other situations?

Common areas to touch are arms, shoulders, back, hands, or thighs. Hands or thighs are usually more intimate if she touches those.

23. Do you ever have “peripheral physical contact”?

Peripheral physical contact is when some part of your bodies are in contact with each other when you are doing something else.

For example, if you’re both sitting down and your thighs are barely touching each other. Or if you’re walking side by side and she grabs hold of your arm. That kind of passive physical contact means a lot and can build a lot of tension and attraction.

24. Is she giving you more of her attention than she’s giving others?

For example, if you’re in a group but she seems to direct most of her attention toward you. Or if she’s only asking you questions or if she’s laughing more than others at your jokes.

The more attention she gives you, the more interested she usually is in you.

25. Does she ever blush when you talk or get eye-contact?

She might just be shy, but she’s probably a bit extra self-conscious around you because she likes you.

26. Does she ever seem to look in your direction from afar?

Girls are often a bit sneaky when they want to check you out. They can make it seem like they’re only looking in your direction or just grazing you with her eyes. I’ve even seen girls using window reflections to check out a guy (and to check if he’s looking at them). Sunglasses are even sneakier.

So if she’s looking in your direction, especially if she does it several times, she’s probably checking you out.

27. Does she keep the conversation going when you stop talking?

What happens when you stop talking or can’t come up with anything to say? If she seems eager to get the conversation going again, that’s good. If she excuses herself, she may not be that interested.

Click here to read my full guide on how to talk to girls.

28. Does she always reply when you call, text, or message her?

Quicker responses are often a sign of interest. But many girls are so afraid of appearing needy that they delay their response even if they like you.

29. Who texts or calls first?

If she’s often the one initiating, that’s a very strong sign she’s into you.

But if she never calls or texts first, that’s a sign of lack of interest. In that case, it can be good to take a step back to see if she will take initiative when you don’t do it before she even has the chance.

30. How often does she text you?

Compare this to how often you text her. It’s the same principle as matching the length of her texts. She’s eager if she’s texting more often than you, and you’re eager if you’re the one texting more often.

31. Does she ever stammer, stutter, or forget what she was about to say in a conversation with you?

This could mean she’s a bit extra shy or self-conscious around you, which tells you that she might also be a bit extra interested in you.

32. Does she back off if you get a bit too close?

If she doesn’t even flinch when you get a bit too close to her personal space, that’s a sign she wants you close to her.

If you take a step closer, and she backs off by a step, that’s a sign she’s a bit more reserved toward you.

33. Does she ever talk about things she wants to do with you or show you?

Planning or mentioning things they want to do with you in the future is a very strong indication of some sort of interest, romantic or platonic.

For example, if you’re talking about a newly opened restaurant and they say “We should go there someday!” or “I’ll show you how amazing that place is!”

34. How does she react when you discover you have something in common?

If she’s happy, that’s good. This sign is extra strong if it’s something very trivial, like that you live in the same part of town, that you’re the same age, or that you both like pizza.

35. Is she asking you any personal questions?

If she is, that’s telling you that she wants to know more about you and is interested in you. The more she asks, the better.

For example, asking about your plans for the future, your childhood, or just about your favorite food.

36. Has she asked about your plans for the day or the weekend?

This might just be empty small talk, but it could also be her trying to open a window where you can meet again and hang out. It’s more likely it’s a sign of interest if she brings it up near the end of the conversation.

37. Does she seem embarrassed if you two are the only two people left in a situation?

If she does but doesn’t do anything to leave the situation, that means she’s just a bit shy but still interested.

A classic example is if you meet her with her girlfriends at a bar, and then all her friends leave, but she stays. That’s perfect because it also means her friends approve of you.

38. Has she told her friends or family about you?

This one is most relevant once you’ve already started dating. But it’s such a huge sign of interest (and approval) that I thought it was worth mentioning. It’s even bigger if she’s from a culture where approval from the family is important.

If she’s told her family, it means she is visualizing and planning a future with you. Congrats!

If she just told her friends, that’s also great, but not as big as her family.

39. Has she ever offered you a massage?

Offering a massage is a nice thing to do, but it’s also a smooth way for a girl to get you both touching each other. (Remember to offer her one back. If you like her!)

40. Does your best friend like you?

Is she acting differently from how she usually behaves? Does she seem jealous or dismissive of other girls you might like? Is she suddenly extra touchy-feely? Is she unusually interested in your interests?

Those are all signs your best friend might have started liking you as more than a friend.

41. How do you know for sure if she’s interested?

You can’t really know for sure if she’s interested just based off of a sign in this list. But there are a few rules you can use to help you know:

  1. Is she regularly showing you different signs of interest?
  2. Does she act differently to others than to you? (So she’s not just flirty with everyone.)
  3. Has she shown any particularly strong signs of interest?

42. Are you still unsure if she likes you?

Write it down in the comments below in as much detail as possible for other commenters to help you out. I’ll also respond to a few of the most interesting comments. But I can’t keep up with all the comments alone, so try to help others by answering them too.

Interview with Mark Rosenfeld on attracting people you deserve

After struggling with shyness throughout high-school and early years of college, Mark turned things around in 2009. A few years later he started teaching confidence in life and dating.

In 2014, he started MakeHimYours.com, sharing what he learned to help women stop the frustrating patterns in their dating lives and start attracting the men they deserve.

Interview with Hayley Quinn

Dating coach Hayley Quinn teaches men and women a new approach to love which emphasizes personal responsibility, action, empathy and a belief that you can design the life you want to lead. She has been featured in media powerhouses like BBC One and Elle.

What’s the biggest misconception people have about becoming better socially, in your opinion?

That more is more. I think whilst a huge social circle and parties all weekend sounds aspirational – I believe it’s actually far more valuable to have close friends who you can rely on and gain emotional security. As well as recognizing that having time spent with yourself is equally as valuable. I’d advise anyone who is working on their social or dating life to still create time for reflection and themselves in order to keep a clear head about what’s really important to them.

What is some realization or understanding of social life that you wish everyone would know?

Make sure that the person people are meeting is a true reflection of yourself; otherwise, you may attract the wrong people into your life.

Related:

What piece of information or habit has had the most positive effect on your life socially the last years?

Letting go of FOMO. That party can wait, a good friend will be supportive if you politely cancel (just make sure you give notice!), and nothing is as important as being healthy, well rested and knowing it’s fine to say, ‘Thank you for the invite but have a busy week on so need to stay focused :-)’ or ‘Thanks for the invite – I’m not really in a partying zone but we can grab coffee another time?’

What’s one advice that doesn’t sound like it’ll work before you try it?

Talking about yourself is a great way to build a conversation! Rather than being boastful, done in the right way, it allows the other person to trust you and know it’s okay to talk openly. For instance rather than going into question/answer mode, ‘so whereabouts are you based?’ It will sound a lot warmer to say, ‘I don’t know about you but I actually live in the suburbs and have commuted in today’ and the other person is more likely to give a detailed response.

You write “I’d like more people to feel that they can say what they want to say, approach who they want to approach, and have the relationships they’ve chosen.” What’s one important truth that you teach your new readers when it comes to social life?

Your social and romantic life does reflect the terms you are on with yourself, and how authentic you are.

What do most people get wrong when it comes to talking to someone they’re attracted to?

People often see dating as a performance ‘do they like me?’ ‘why haven’t they text me back?’ instead of asking themselves ‘is this suitable for me?’ ‘am I happy?’ – the key to effective dating isn’t to read someone else’s mind it’s to know yourself really well.

What’s your best advice to someone who tends to overthink social interaction?

You can’t pre-plan an interaction: it’s a skill, not a science. The best learning you will get isn’t in your head, it’s in how many times you are open to experiencing an interaction with another person.

What kind of person should visit your site?

People who are ready to take action and responsibility for their own happiness and learn some serious dating skills. If you are ready, check out my free video series for women here, and for men here.

50 questions to never run out of things to say on a date

Is it possible to never run out of things to say on a date?

I mean, to an extent. It is possible to never run out of things to say on a date but only if you have a pre-set idea of what topics you could bring up, what possible questions you can ask, etc. Hence why I’ve created this article.

(Click here if you’re more interested in learning a trick to never run out of things to say.)

Take these questions with a grain of salt; you don’t need to recite them like a laundry list but you can use them as a safety net to have in case you run into the… dreaded awkward silence.

No matter how spontaneous or spunky you are, whether it is nerves or you are having an off day, going out on a date can be a nervous experience.

If you are running out of things to say, you might have to “fake” natural conversations. Although it’s hard to imagine a world where you fake a conversation while you’re on a date simply to make a connection, it happens — and it usually means trouble later on, forging a fake foundation for the relationship to grow on.

Instead of being on that date and not trying to not “run out of things to say”, we’re here to help you have a list of questions “in your back pocket” so to speak.

Here is our list of questions you can ask. 25 of them will be “safe questions” and 25 will be your bank of interesting questions when you really want to get to know the person.

50 questions you can use to never run out of things to say on a date:

Safe Questions for a date

  1. What is your favorite music?
  2. If you could go on a trip right now, where would you go?
  3. What’s your passion?
  4. What’s your dream job?
  5. How do you spend your day?
  6. Do you have any pets?
  7. What do you do for work?
  8. What is the one thing that you want to accomplish in your life?
  9. Do you cook?
  10. What’s your favorite food of all time?
  11. Are you into sports— if so, what kind?
  12. What do you like to do on the weekends?
  13. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
  14. What is your favorite movie of all time?
  15. What’s your biggest fear?
  16. What’s your family like?
  17. Who are your best friends?
  18. When’s your birthday?
  19. What is something that you are terrible at?
  20. When you were little, what did you want to be?
  21. What is a nickname that you have or have had?
  22. Do you have a hidden talent?
  23. Do you like to workout?
  24. Where did you go to school?
  25. What’s your favorite thing to do to stay active?

Interesting Questions

  1. What is your favorite memory from your childhood?
  2. What is the best gift you have ever gotten?
  3. Who has been one of the most influential people in your life?
  4. What is on your bucket list?
  5. Do you believe in aliens?
  6. Have you ever been out of the country? Where?
  7. What’s something that surprises people about you?
  8. Are you a fan of any professional sports teams?
  9. If you could choose any animal to become, what would you choose?
  10. Are you a salty or a sweet food craver?
  11. What is your biggest pet peeve?
  12. What is the worst job you ever had?
  13. What is the best job you ever had?
  14. Are you a cat or a dog person?
  15. What is your greatest strength?
  16. What’s the last book you just read?
  17. How did you meet your best friend?
  18. What was your favorite subject in school?
  19. If you could live anywhere, where would you live?
  20. If you could speak any other language, what would it be?
  21. Can you speak another language?
  22. What is something that you are financially saving up for?
  23. If you had to cook me dinner, what’s your go-to dish?
  24. What is in your fridge at this exact moment?
  25. Is there something you wish you could change about yourself?

We hope that with these questions, you won’t have any problem trying to get the conversation going and keep it moving, regardless of what’s going on around you. The key is, that right before the date, take a couple minutes and read through them.

Related articles I think might interest you:

  1. Learn the signs that tell you if a girl likes you.
  2. Learn the signs that tell you if a guy likes you.
  3. 301 small talk questions you can ask a friend.
  4. 222 questions to ask to get to know someone.

Pick out a few that could really interest you or figure out what your response would be and pick out the questions where you have some impressive answers to them. That way, when you ask her or him the question and listen(!) to their answer, when it gets directed back at you, you’ll have an adequate answer already set up. Hopefully, that answer will be something that will impress them (honestly).

Now you’re ready for your first date. If you are having trouble remembering, you can always screenshot these questions, taking a quick look at the opportune moment. If you really have trouble or feel self-conscious, go ahead and come out with it.

At the end of the day, they are also on a first date, so if you really want to be open and honest, if the conversation is running dry, you can impress them with being prepared.