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Comments (11)

  1. Maya

    Okay so about almost 3 years ago I had a falling out with a friend of mine now a former friend and now there are certain people that won’t talk to me and look at me weird like they’re expecting me to do something and after 3 years it still makes me feel like an outcast will someone help me?

  2. Jason H

    In meeting a lot of new people I find people not interested in wanting to keep the conversation going with me. 1) I tend not to like speaking about myself. I prefer to listen to the other person speak. 2) When I do introduce myself and ask questions, their responses are short, terse, even one word maybe. There is not a lot of information for me to follow up on. Maybe I’m asking more closed-ended questions. 3) They never ask me a question. 4) Their eyes are scanning the room. 5) They make an excuse to leave me. 6) When I do get a one-on-one conversation it is short lived because a third person always butts into the conversation and steals the spotlight. The person I was talking to ignores me and converses with the new person. I’m still standing there but left out of the conversation. I have to compete to get my voice heard.

    My question is what do you do at a social gathering and you pretty much gone through trying to speak to just about everybody at the party and can’t make any connections?

    • Vicky

      Hey John
      This sounds terrible. I wondered if you’re lacking in confidence which may not put the other person at ease? Or maybe it’s evident that you are trying too hard?
      I’m not sure why people would react in this way. It seems particularly rude.
      I’m not a fan of talking about myself either, I feel others are more interesting than me. I’m great at asking questions and being nice, which it sounds like you are too… maybe not fret and keep it simple. Not be overly fussed what they think of you, or know that your a great person to spend time with.
      I’m good at keeping the conversation going with thoughts and questions but I used to doubt my own opinion which probably looked like I was uneasy or unsure of myself. I found mindfulness meditation really helped me feel better mentally and also unexpectedly made me feel more confident and positive. When you feel positive good people are drawn to you. And then you’ll find someone/people who you just connect with. The questions, conversation, interest is equal and mutual and it feels really great.

    • Sandeep Maraskule

      understood your dilemma, that other people (new people) dint respond you, as you want. This may happen due to following reasons.

      1. When we talk, the sentences we speak have different tonality and pitch, for eg ” I am not coming, to watch football”. It can be pronounced in different ways using pitch. tone and pause effect like in aggressive, commanding, blunt, dominating ( which general population tend to categories and rate in mind), the same can be said in friendly, compassionate, adjusting way.

      Here you can go through some NLP books of famous readers or join some practical seminar.

      2. A certain set of characterization / description has already been fed to the receptive audience with distinctive nature or features of you. Its better if some one introduces you before on positive node depicting your success.

      3. You can use light jokes and imaginary experience of current world news affairs, ongoing issues.

      4. Catch hold of talkative and likable member by group, you can share your talks with him before meeting. It may create a positive impact on you as well as group through him.

  3. Anonymous

    I sometimes have issues on dates determining if the lady is having a good time or not. Might be hard to look at her feet tho that hint is a helpful one for small talk at events. I do my best to be as engaging as possible. Your recommendations helped a lot on my last first date conversationally but alas i never heard back. I have another first date tonight! Another opportunity to put these good lessons to work!

  4. Dee

    What if someone constantly talks about themselves and when you talk about your own experiences, etc. and they make few comments and just return to talking about themselves? Do you bother pointing it out or just realize they really aren’t interested in you?

    • I’d point it out eventually if it was a close friend whose relationship I really valued. Some (most) people are actually quite self-absorbed and it’s not really about you in those cases. They may just be a little socially inept in their own way, they forget how important it is to focus on the other person. The positive thing about it is that at least they are enjoying the conversation. But in the end, you can only change your behavior, so ask yourself if you are okay with their self-absorption or not.

      But this is such a great question, I will speak more with David about this issue and see if we can come up with an even better solution for future articles. Thanks, Dee!

      • Jason H

        A former roommate (A) of mine ran into a similar situation but in a group setting, where one person (B) was dominating the conversation and each time he and another person (C) tried to speak, this person (B) would cut at every pause. My roommate (A) wanted to let this other person (C) have some speaking time because that person’s voice wasn’t being given an equal share of the conversation. My suggestion to him was every time he speaks pass on the conversation to the third person (C) who was not getting speaking time and don’t ask questions or follow up with the dominant speaker (B). This gives the quiet person the chance to speak. The dominant person doesn’t need any prodding to speak because of his nature he is going to give his opinion whether the group asks for it or not.

  5. Mathis D

    Thanks David! I usually notice if someone doesn’t want to talk they start giving shorter answers or just doesn’t seem very interested in the subject.

    • Good observation there Mathis, once you start to develop this “feel” for whether the other person is interested or not conversation becomes a lot easier.

      • Linus

        Yes, Viktor, SocialPro is so good that i can ask all my high profile friends to enrol