Yesterday I went to a restaurant with some of my new friends from NYC.
I take my social abilities for granted today. But not many years ago, I had a different view on life.
In many social situations, I just didn’t believe in myself. Or – I thought there had to be something wrong with me.
I could fail over and over until the only rational explanation I could come up with was:
“I must lack something FUNDAMENTAL.”
(How else could it be that it seemed to go so well for everyone except me?)
When you lose your belief in yourself, what can you do to change it?
Unfortunately, most advice I see is TERRIBLE.
Here’s what I’ve come across:
“Tell yourself every morning that you can do anything”
“Just believe in yourself”
“Try to think more positively” (ugh…)
“Just relax and be yourself”
“Fill your life with positive people” (That’s like saying “All you need to solve your money problems is to become a millionaire”)
What I did to get where I am today was radically different from all those advice.
Let me explain.
Here’s what people think:
Believing in yourself is something you can think yourself into.
Here’s how it really is:
Believing in yourself is a result of improving your situation.
I realized that you don’t need to believe in yourself to start changing your life.
Instead of trying to psych myself up, I just did what had to be done, one small step every day.
I didn’t really connect with people. So I decided to make a small change in every conversation.
Eventually, I found an approach that worked.
As a RESULT of this, I started to believe in myself.
But here´s where people mess up:
Before many of our participants start our program, I hear the same comments over and over.
“This won’t work for me, because of my life situation/looks/personality/where I live/how people are”
All these reasons for why it won’t work for THEM is actually just a symptom of not believing in oneself.
This is a form of self-sabotage that keeps them from making the change they need in their lives.
- People who DON’T believe in themselves look for excuses why something won’t work for them.
- People who DO believe in themselves look for ways to make something work for them.
Here’s the takeaway:
It’s OK to not believe in yourself. I’ve been there too. There are still situations where I have doubts about myself. I just keep going anyway.
Ask yourself what small step you can take towards your goal, even if you don’t feel like you’ll make it.
Take one small step every day like this, and one day, you’re where you want to be in life.
Just go through the motions.
Comment below! I’d love to hear what you think.