David A. Morin

Why you don’t need to “believe in yourself”

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Yesterday I went to a restaurant with some of my new friends from NYC.

believing in yourself

I take my social abilities for granted today. But not many years ago, I had a different view on life.

In many social situations, I just didn’t believe in myself. Or – I thought there had to be something wrong with me.

I could fail over and over until the only rational explanation I could come up with was:

“I must lack something FUNDAMENTAL.”

(How else could it be that it seemed to go so well for everyone except me?)

When you lose your belief in yourself, what can you do to change it?

Unfortunately, most advice I see is TERRIBLE.

Here’s what I’ve come across:

  • “Tell yourself every morning that you can do anything”
  • “Just believe in yourself”
  • “Try to think more positively” (ugh…)
  • “Just relax and be yourself”
  • “Fill your life with positive people” (That’s like saying “All you need to solve your money problems is to become a millionaire”)

What I did to get where I am today was radically different from all those advice.

Let me explain.

Here’s what people think:

Believing in yourself is something you can think yourself into.

Here’s how it really is:

Believing in yourself is a result of improving your situation.

I realized that you don’t need to believe in yourself to start changing your life.

Instead of trying to psych myself up, I just did what had to be done, one small step every day.

Example:

I didn’t really connect with people. So I decided to make a small change in every conversation.

Eventually, I found an approach that worked.

As a RESULT of this, I started to believe in myself.

But here´s where people mess up:

Before many of our participants start our program, I hear the same comments over and over.

“This won’t work for me, because of my life situation/looks/personality/where I live/how people are”

All these reasons for why it won’t work for THEM is actually just a symptom of not believing in oneself.

This is a form of self-sabotage that keeps them from making the change they need in their lives.

  • People who DON’T believe in themselves look for excuses why something won’t work for them.
  • People who DO believe in themselves look for ways to make something work for them.

Here’s the takeaway:

It’s OK to not believe in yourself. I’ve been there too. There are still situations where I have doubts about myself. I just keep going anyway.

Ask yourself what small step you can take towards your goal, even if you don’t feel like you’ll make it.

Take one small step every day like this, and one day, you’re where you want to be in life.

Just go through the motions.

Comment below! I’d love to hear what you think.

8 years ago, I committed to build my social confidence and become great at connecting with people.

Hundreds of books and thousands of interactions later, I'm ready to share with the world what I’ve learned.

The interest in my findings has been beyond my dreams. We now have 30 000 members taking our courses. Perhaps you’ve seen my writing in magazines like Business Insider and Lifehacker.

Follow me on Twitter or Read more.

David A. Morin

8 years ago, I committed to build my social confidence and become great at connecting with people.

Hundreds of books and thousands of interactions later, I'm ready to share with the world what I’ve learned.

The interest in my findings has been beyond my dreams. We now have 30 000 members taking our courses. Perhaps you’ve seen my writing in magazines like Business Insider and Lifehacker.

Follow me on Twitter or Read more.

8 years ago, I committed to build my social confidence and become great at connecting with people.

Hundreds of books and thousands of interactions later, I'm ready to share with the world what I’ve learned.

The interest in my findings has been beyond my dreams. We now have 30 000 members taking our courses. Perhaps you’ve seen my writing in magazines like Business Insider and Lifehacker.

Follow me on Twitter or Read more.

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Comments (7)

  1. Anonymous

    This makes so much more sense than just tell yourself how wonderful you are… One problem with that is we don’t believe it. The other problem is that if we do believe it, we become full of ourselves.

    How much better to learn how engage other people and ask them to truly share a bit of themselves with us as we also share a little of ourselves with them.

    Your advice is the most practical that I’ve come across yet. Thank you so much for sharing.

  2. Maria.

    Thanks for this wonderful advice. It’s practical and something i can do and not force myself upon something i don’t even know how to apply.

  3. Donna

    This makes so much sense. Thank you for making your comments available. I have tried with little success to try applying those’ terrible advices’ you mentioned to myself and my children. Deep down I didn’t believe in them either as they really are unrealistic type mantras. What it did is it added anxiety of failing. Easier said than done! Chipping away makes much much more sense.

    • David Morin

      That’s great to hear Donna, I’m glad you don’t waste your time on ineffective mantras anymore.

      Keep chipping away! 🙂

  4. Christina

    Hi David thanks for this super valuable latest info. It is exactly what I been wanting. On the surface these days I believe in myself but not deep down , thank you once again, Christina

    • David Morin

      Great to hear you wanted this info Christina, makes me so happy to hear!

      P.S. Just keep going whether you believe in yourself or not. 🙂

  5. Rajan Kumar

    Sir, I like your thought toward the people who are confused in what they have to do after lossing the time in setting their future and yet they have not settled. Sir I also want your tips for my present and future. I have been trying to get a job for the last around 4 years but I’m not succeeding in it. What I have to do or what need to be done to get succeess? Sir I would be very grateful of you If u give any advice to my request.