April 17, 2013 David Morin

How to Become Popular at Work or School

UPDATE: Watch my videos on how to become more popular and how to get the friends you want. In the videos, I explain how you should proceed step by step, to become more popular.

Offices and schools are places where people who have not chosen each other’s company spend a lot of time together. It is no wonder that these places are fertile grounds for discord and conflicts. Luckily, there are many things you can do to gain popularity here.

To be more popular in the workplace or at school, you first have to ask yourself something fundamental for popularity. Do you feel that you like the people you meet? If you do, you are already halfway towards becoming more popular. If not, how come? Try to find the reason for why you don’t like the people around you. Common answers to this question are:

-I don’t like them because they don’t like me

-I have nothing in common with them

-They are stupid/uninteresting/ boring

For you to reach popularity, you have to like the people who around you. If you can relate to the first statement, this is a classic negative spiral, where you experience that other people don’t like you, and respond to that with not liking them. That’s a dead end. The good news for you is that no one has a curse saying everyone they meet in life will dislike them. Anyone who uses the principles of friendship will be liked.

People are quite insecure beings. We all fear being hurt, and to prevent us from being hurt we set up all these defense systems: We dress cool, act cool, don’t seem to care, don’t give love away easily. Because if we didn’t someone might hurt us. You probably do the same. At the same time, we walk around in an illusion that everyone we meet is from the core without feelings, and we have to play extra tough to match this tough world. Funny thing is – that’s what everyone thinks.

So here we are, insecure about ourselves with a tough surface, meeting other insecure people with tough surfaces. To crack this surface, you have to be the first one to be strong, facing the fear you want to avoid, and showing others that – hey, I’m just like you are inside. In practice, that means that you need the guts to be nice towards those you feel don’t like you. Try it – and magic things will happen. They might be surprised first, but be nice towards them every day for a week, and what happens will blow your mind.

If you relate to the second and third statements, I have good news for you as well.

If you talk thoroughly enough with someone, you will find similarities. And at a school or office, you will statistically find someone that you can relate closely to. It’s about attitude. To find similarities with other’s, ask them questions. A good one is to just ask what they do on their spare time.

Once we find out that most people are insecure and afraid and not as tough as they seem to be, they are easier to like. Do you like the people around you? If not, how can you start liking them? When you know the answer to this, you can take the next step.

Show liking

You have to show the people around you that you like them.

become more popular. make sure to be nice and smile towards everyone, even those that you might not like. The benefits of being nice towards others exceed the effort to smile or to make small talk.

Never talk behind anyone’s back. As mentioned earlier in this text, there’s a high risk that what you say will come back to the person you were talking about.

You never see our friend the movie hero complaining about his life or job, either. That’s because people who either accept their situation or do something about it become popular and likeable, both by the movie audience and by friends in real life. Complaining becomes part of the social interaction at many workplaces and schools. Make sure to not be the one who starts complaining, since it will not benefit you.

There are many benefits to mastering the social game and becoming popular.; Your days will be more fun and because people like you, you have a better chance of being promoted at work or increasing your grades in school.

I've created a free video training: Conversation advice for over-thinkers.

It covers:

  • How to avoid awkward silence
  • How to get past the small talk
  • How to feel more at ease in conversations
It contains footage of real strangers and real awkward silence that I then analyze. I think you'll like it!

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