Viktor Sander

18 tricks that make people respect you

When I didn’t feel respected in my life, I got overwhelmed even thinking about trying to turn it around.

I bashed myself.

My self-esteem tanked.

I know how frustrating and painful it can be to not be respected. I will share my most valuable methods for how to stop it from happening again.

[Are you being disrespected by a specific person or by a few specific people? Then, you should read my popular guide “How to always have the upper hand on someone who tries to dominate you“]

No matter what this lack of respect looks like in your life, it can be fixed.

Let’s talk about HOW TO GET MORE RESPECT.

Like with most lifestyle changes (and that’s what this is!), becoming a person who is worthy of respect can be done by making one small change at a time.

Who are we? 

This article is written by me, David Morin (Social life expert and founder of SocialPro) with massive help from B. Sc Amanda Haworth and B. Sc Viktor Sander.

Because we are three people who’ve written this article, we’ve been able to tackle respect from three different perspectives and create a guide to respect that really works, no matter where you’re coming from.

Let’s first talk about how to earn respect by first respecting yourself.

1: Conveying Self-Respect

When you talk about yourself to others, what messages are you sending?

If your attitude and behavior are sending messages that say “I’m no good,” “I’m terrible at everything,” “I don’t like myself at all,” “I’m not worth your time,” etc., they’re probably going to believe you. 

I realized that I talked down on myself by joking on my own behalf and constantly conveying that I wasn’t good.

Self-depreciating humor can be great, but it should be obvious that there’s no truth to it. When Obama joked that he couldn’t turn down the AC in the oval office, that was funny, because no one doubted his power. When I joked about being lonely on the weekends, it painted a picture of me as a lonely person, and it also communicated that I didn’t respect myself.

You shouldn’t brag. But you also shouldn’t be afraid to stand for what’s good about you. Here are some examples of things we want to be able to stand by:

  • “I work  hard”
  • “I’m a great friend”
  • “I care a lot about other people”
  • “I’m trustworthy and responsible”
  • “I’ve overcome a lot of obstacles in my life”
  • “I’m proud of who I am”

This doesn’t mean you need to tell people these things directly.

Instead, communicate your self-respect through: 

  • The jokes you make (a lot of self-deprecating humor, or humor that puts other people down, will not earn you respect)
  • The things you laugh at (and, more importantly, refuse to laugh at)
  • The places you go/things you participate in
  • How you describe yourself, your work or your life when someone asks
  • The things you post on social media (and the things you like/comment on)

Keep in mind that “humble bragging” will not earn respect either. Here’s my rule of thumb for standing for who you are while not bragging:

Feel no urge to tell people what’s good about you. Feel no fear to stand by who you are when you talk about yourself. 

[I have a friend who has different beliefs than most. He’s amazing at showing self-respect without being obnoxious. Read here what he does differently than almost everyone else.]

2: Self-Presentation

The way that you present yourself determines what people see when they look at you and how much people will respect you.

Self-presentation includes:

  • Behaving appropriately in any given situation
    • (For example, are you making jokes during a time when you should be serious? Are you doing what you’re supposed to be doing at work? Etc.)
  • Dressing appropriately for any given situation
  • Standing straight up with a good posture or hide in the corner of a room.
  • Speaking clearly, deliberately, and with appropriate language for the situation

Self-presentation is a really important part of being respected because it indicates how much you respect yourself.

Sometimes we don’t dress or behave in a way that demonstrates that we respect ourselves. As a result, others won’t respect us, either.

[Here are my two guides on how confident people deal with nervousness and how to get a more confident body language.]

3: Standing by your opinions and beliefs

Our opinions and beliefs change throughout life. And that’s a good thing. After all – that’s how we grow as a person. But what we DON’T want to do is to compromise our beliefs in order to fit in. When we do, we don’t respect ourselves.

I have a friend who has traditional Christian beliefs. This is rare in Sweden where he lives. However, everyone respects him. Why? Well, he never hides his beliefs. When someone asks, he stands up for what he thinks. But here’s the twist: He also has no urge to push his beliefs onto anyone else, or even judge anyone else for not believing what he believes in.

This is the sweet spot: Being totally comfortable with your opinions and beliefs, and also being totally comfortable with others thinking or believing something else.

If you feel that you will have to say, do, or be something in order to earn respect that you don’t want to say, do, or be, then don’t do it! Don’t be afraid to tell them why.

4: Developing a Presence

Many people who struggle with being respected by their friends and family feel that they have no voice.

Often this looks like being ignored, interrupted, or talked over. Maybe people just don’t pay much attention to you when you speak. Perhaps your opinions are overlooked or your feelings are brushed aside.

Making yourself heard will help you develop more of a social presence, and this presence will earn respect from the people around you. Having a social presence will cause people to take you more seriously when you talk.

Keep in mind that it’s important to make yourself heard in a respectful way; like I’ll address in later sections, losing your cool or being disrespectful will have the opposite effect from what you’re trying to accomplish.

A lawyer named Janet Kole writes about earning respect through making yourself heard in this article. She says:

The most important thing you can do in any situation is make sure you are being heard.

And I mean this literally.

Here’s one example: I was trying a federal civil case with a jury against two parties represented by male lawyers. Both were much taller than I and had longer strides. One of them asked for a sidebar, and both men made it to the bench before I did and they started talking to the judge.

I was pissed off, of course, but didn’t want to let the jury see me sweat. So I gathered my “outdoor” voice, the one that carries throughout a courtroom, and said: “Just a minute, gentlemen. I’ll be right there.” All three men—the judge and the other lawyers—looked quite shamefaced, and they stopped talking until I got there.

I didn’t believe they started without me because they looked down on me or overlooked me or hated female lawyers. . . But I was not going to be left out; I was not going to let myself be dissed. . . In short, I asserted myself.

Notice that, despite feeling upset, she did not say anything disrespectful or show that she was angry. Instead, she made a comment that simply reminded the others of her presence. She was assertive without being aggressive.

5: Handling Interruptions

If your comment gets ignored or interrupted, you can say:

  • “Just a second, I’d like to finish my thought.”
  • “Excuse me, we got off tracked. What I was saying was that ___________.”
  • “Like I was saying before, ___________.”
  • “Please let me speak.”

As Psychology Today author Temma Ehrenfeld points out in this article, not all interruptions are intended to belittle you and not all should be addressed in the same way. For example, in a lively group conversation, people interrupt each other from time to time. That’s OK and not about being disrespectful.

But if you’re consistently being interrupted and ignored, allowing the problem to persist will cause your presence– and the level of respect others give you– to continue to shrink. 

Making yourself heard will not only boost your self-esteem, it will also make people aware of your presence– a presence they respect.

Another important aspect is setting boundaries…

6: Using “Enforceable Boundaries”

If you feel like you’re often taken advantage of (you’re a “doormat,” so to speak), then this section is particularly important for you.

The number one way to avoid being taken advantage of (which indicates a lack of respect) is to set clear, enforced boundaries with the people in your life. This will earn their respect by showing them that you respect yourself enough to control what happens to you.

When setting boundaries, first consider the things that you have control over. The things that are within your control are the easiest boundaries to set because they are easiest to enforce. Do not try to set a boundary that you will be unable to enforce; this will only set you up for failure, which will cause you to further lose the respect of others.

For example, you can control who comes into your house and who doesn’t (and if you ever find yourself in a situation where you can’t control who’s entering your house, you should call the police).

Let’s say that you feel that you’re being taken advantage of by friends who come over to your house any time they want, eating your food and sleeping on your couch without asking or contributing money for groceries.

In this case, you can set a boundary that states that no one can come to your house between the hours of 9 p.m. and 9 a.m. without your permission or invitation.

Another example is if you feel you are being taken advantage of in your workplace.

There are certain aspects of your job that you can control because there are labor laws in place that protect the rights of employees. Because there are measures you can take if your employer is not following these laws, this is something that you have control over and can enforce.

Perhaps your boss asks you to complete certain tasks even after you’ve clocked out for the day, and you end up working for several hours without pay.

In this situation, you need to set a boundary with your boss that (respectfully) states that you will not work if you’re not on the clock. If your boss would like you to do more work, you must first be allowed to clock in.

7: Having a Conversation About Boundaries

Once you have decided what boundaries you need to set, you must have a conversation with the other people involved to make them aware of these boundaries.

Like with any difficult conversation, you should carefully choose a time and place for having it. Make sure to avoid accusatory statements such as “You always ________,” or “You never ________.”

Instead, say things like “I feel ________ when _________ happens,” or “I’ve noticed that ___________ has been happening a lot and this causes a problem for me because ___________.”

Before initiating the conversation, make sure you have a clear idea of what boundaries you are informing the other person of and how you will enforce them. After you explain what the problem is and how it’s affecting you (using the format above), tell them what the boundary is. You can say:

“Because of [this problem], I feel it’s important to set some boundaries. From now on, __________________.”

Explain how this boundary will help solve the problem you’re having, but make an effort to be understanding of how this boundary will change things for them as well. There is almost always a reason why people do the things they do, so it’s helpful to be considerate of the other person’s circumstances that may have caused them to behave a certain way.

You can even suggest ways that their needs can still be met without you being taken advantage of (i.e. ask your friends to call first if they need a place to sleep or contribute money if they frequently eat at your house; offer to help your boss find an extra employee to hire or suggest ways that more work can get done during the time that you’re on the clock).

8: What to do when someone crosses your boundaries

Even once you’ve set boundaries in your life, there is a chance that the line will still be crossed. Sometimes people simply forget because they’ve been doing things a certain way for so long, but in some situations, people just refuse to be respectful.

When this happens, your next step should be to have another conversation with them about it. Explain again why the things they’re doing are problematic for you, what your boundaries are, and why you’ve set them. Explain that if they can’t respect your boundaries, then more drastic changes will have to be made (such as your house being totally off-limits in the future, reporting your boss, or finding a new job).

Unfortunately, there are times when it becomes necessary to eliminate certain people from your life altogether. If people continue crossing your set boundaries and attempting to take advantage of you, you may have to consider cutting contact with them completely.

Not only is setting enforceable boundaries a necessary part of self-care, it will also serve to earn you more respect from the people around you by showing that you won’t tolerate disrespect and mistreatment from the people in your life.

Here’s a relevant article I’ve written about what to do if you’re helping others but not getting anything back.

9: Dealing with someone who tries to dominate you

Sometimes people joke on our behalf or try to force us to make them favors or just being straight up bullies. Instead of going into this topic here, I’ve written a popular article on the subject here: How to always have the upper hand on someone who tries to dominate you.

10: Earn Respect By Dealing With Conflicts without Losing Your Cool

The way that you handle situations, particularly stressful and upsetting situations, affects how much respect people show you. Even when you’ve set clear boundaries, like I talked above, conflict will still be an inevitable part of life.

You probably know people who are likely to lose their cool in the face of conflict or stress. Maybe you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around those people, afraid of how they’ll react if something goes wrong.

If you’re prone to losing your temper or overreacting in certain situations, it’s probably affecting the respect with which people see you.

Learning how to have difficult conversations with people can have a huge impact on the amount of respect you receive. Here’s how to address a conflict in a way that make people respect you more:

  • Be prepared with some suggestions for improving the problem before you have the conversation
  • Have the conversation in private instead of making a scene
  • Plan a time to have the conversation (after you’ve cooled down) instead of confronting someone in the heat of the moment
  • Use “I feel” and “I think” instead of making accusatory statements such as “You always ____.”
  • Keep yourself calm; make an effort not to get defensive or upset
  • Be understanding of the other person’s circumstances; tell them you understand and want to work with them to find a solution that is beneficial for both of you
  • Be honest with yourself about ways you might have worsened the situation/things you could do differently moving forward
  • Admit when you’re wrong

Learning to keep your calm and handle situations appropriately is a huge factor in how much respect you will earn from others.

11: Earn Respect By Being a Leader

Leadership skills are one of the most sought-after attributes from employers around the world. And there’s a reason for that: leadership is the driving force behind accomplishing goals. 

Whether those goals are for productivity in your workplace or the goal within your group of friends is simply to have fun, being a leader means being a person who helps the rest achieve what it is they desire.

Being a leader also means standing up for what you believe is right, even if it goes against what others want or believe.

By helping people accomplish goals and standing up for what you believe is right, you will earn the respect of the people around you. Here are some practical ways to earn respect by being a leader:

  • Take initiative in situations where you are knowledgeable or skilled
  • Set short term and long term goals and come up with step-by-step plans for achieving them (find goal-setting worksheets here)
  • Make sure you’re being heard
  • Keep your word– do what you say you’re going to do
  • Do all things to the best of your ability
  • Do what you believe is right, even if it’s different than what everyone else is doing
  • Treat others with respect at all times
  • Handle stressful situations and conflicts appropriately

12: Earn Respect Through Becoming Good at Talking and Communicating

Having great communication skills means having the ability to make conversation on a wide variety of topics. I’ve created several very popular videos and articles on how to make conversation. Instead of linking all of them here, I recommend you to sign up for my free conversation email training here.

In addition to having good conversation and listening skills, good communication means conveying your thoughts, feelings, and ideas clearly and in a way that is easily understood.

This starts with simply thinking about what you want to say before you start speaking so that your thoughts don’t tumble out of your mouth in a complicated (and embarrassing) mess.

This also means avoiding the use of “uh” and “um” when you speak, which are “fillers” and make the conversation harder to follow.

Also be careful about the conversation topics you choose. Crude or vulgar jokes and stories can be offensive to many people and should be avoided if you’d like to earn respect.

13: Earn Respect Through Body Language

Your body language sends silent messages to everyone who sees you, so it’s very important to assess what your body language is saying– and what you want it to be saying instead.

For starters, your body language can tell people how you feel about yourself– and we already discussed why self-respect is so necessary for earning the respect of others.

If you walk around with your shoulders hunched, arms crossed, and eyes directed towards the ground, you will be perceived as shy, afraid, or insecure. None of these are qualities that demand respect. 

However, if your body language portrays confidence, people will automatically believe that there must be a good reason for you to be confident and therefore you must be worthy of their respect in some way.

These are the characteristics of confident body language:

  • Eye contact when speaking and being spoken to
  • Good posture; no slouching or crossing your arms
  • Walking with a purpose (not wondering around staring at the floor)
  • Using hand gestures when speaking (instead of keeping your hands shoved in your pockets)

Keep in mind that while confident people may earn others’ respect, arrogant people will lose it. Make sure you know the difference, and strive to convey confidence through your body language in the ways we mentioned above.

14: Earn Respect By Giving Respect

Take a second to think about some of the most disrespectful people you’ve ever encountered.

Do you respect those people?

The answer is probably not.

The truth is, the quickest way to shatter your reputation and lose all respect someone may have for you is by speaking or behaving disrespectfully to someone else.

Is it okay to get mad or upset or offended? Yes! You are human, and we’re all going to have those moments. It’s how you handle them that counts.

Being mad or upset or offended are all acceptable reactions when someone mistreats you, but responding to those reactions in a disrespectful way is not acceptable.

On the other hand, showing respect to people even when you feel they don’t deserve it will go a long way towards earning respect from others.

Here’s why it works: When you behave respectfully even though the other person doesn’t necessarily deserve it in that moment, you are proving that you’re “the bigger person.”

Your show of respect will demonstrate your self control, your level-headedness, your ability to think on your feet, and the fact that even in their moment of weakness you still respect that person on the basis that they are a human being.

All of those characteristics are worthy of respect, and you will earn that respect both from the person you responded to and from anyone who’s watching simply because you refused to treat someone poorly when you could have.

You’ve probably heard the “Golden Rule”:

Treat others the way you want to be treated.

This is the basis of the concept of earning respect through giving it. You’ve probably had a bad day before, or a bad week, or even a bad year. Give other people the benefit of the doubt when they’re behaving poorly and understand that they may be going through something that you don’t know about. Choose to treat them with respect anyway.

15: Earn Respect By Admitting When You’re Wrong

I mentioned this briefly when discussing how to handle conflicts, but let’s dive a little deeper into this important topic.

To understand why it’s so important to have the ability to admit when you’re wrong, think about a person who refuses to admit it when they’ve clearly made a mistake.

People who stand their ground even after they realize they’ve messed up are doing so out of pride. Prideful people quickly lose the respect of their peers.

Be careful not to mistake “pride” with the idea of being proud of who you are. Being proud of who you are is a type of self respect, while a prideful attitude is one people have when they believe themselves to be better than others.

Pride is an unattractive quality that ruins reputations and relationships, and should be corrected if it’s something you struggle with. This simply requires you to balance your self-respect with a good dose of humility and a measure of respect for the people around you.

Admitting when you’re wrong is always humbling. No one enjoys making mistakes. But the reality is that we all make mistakes, and at some point we’re all going to be wrong. Being able to admit it will earn you respect from others while simultaneously preserving your reputation and your relationships with them.

Here are some things you can say when you realize you’re in the wrong:

  • “I’ve thought about what you said, and I think you’re right.”
  • “I know I disagreed with you before, but what you said makes a lot of sense. I think you’re right.”
  • “I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I was wrong about __________.”
  • “I was wrong when I _________. Can you forgive me?”

Not only does admitting when you’re wrong prevent you from looking foolish by sticking to your guns when you know you’ve made a mistake, it also shows the other person that you value them and their opinions. This will actually strengthen your relationship, while refusing to admit you’re wrong will have the opposite effect of tearing you apart.

17: Minimizing Apologies

Have you ever been to a crowded concert and had someone accidentally spill their drink on you? Out of pure habit, you utter an “I’m sorry,” even though you clearly did nothing wrong and are now covered in margarita.

Over-apologizing is a sign that you’re more submissive than dominant. While “submissive” and “dominant” can both be bad things in extremes, finding the right balance (i.e. knowing when to step up and when to back down) will help you earn the respect of others and avoid being a pushover.

The other problem with “I’m sorry” is that it gives the impression that you’re in the wrong, even if you aren’t. In fact, many hospitals even have policies that prevent doctors from apologizing if something goes wrong because it makes them appear guilty.

If you want to gain respect, you’ll need to save your apologies for the times that you’re actually sorry (such as when you’re the person that accidentally spills your margarita on a perfect stranger).

18: What to Say Instead of “Sorry”

One way to stop saying “I’m sorry” too often is by replacing the phrase with a simple “thank you.” When you say “thank you” instead of “I’m sorry,” you’re changing the entire dynamic of the conversation and how the other person will perceive you.

“Thank you” shows appreciation to the other person for their time and switches your mindset from an apologetic one to one of gratitude. The other person will also appreciate not needing to reassure you that you’ve done nothing wrong, too.

Another thing to say instead of “Sorry” is “Excuse me.” If you bump into someone or need to get past them, saying “Excuse me” is a perfectly polite way to let them know without having to apologize for your presence.

Don’t apologize for your mere presence, for stating your opinion, or for disagreeing. You don’t need to apologize if you don’t want to do something, either.

Your opinions and presence matter, which means that apologies are not necessary for just being around. By not “sorry-ing” your way through life, you’ll be more respected.

Now it’s time to choose one or two tips from our list to focus on to gain more respect from others. Practice, practice, and practice some more. Remember, becoming a person who earns respect from others is a lifestyle change! Take it at your own pace. Once you’ve mastered one respect tactic, choose another one to work on.

Leave a comment now letting us know what tip you’re going to work on improving and why you think it will work for you. If you see someone that has a problem you overcame in the past, lend them a helping hand and give them a bit of advice on how you worked through it.

SocialPro is here to help, so if you have any concerns or hesitations whatsoever (and we mean whatsoever), don’t hesitate to reach out and let me know how we can better help you.

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Comments (92)

  1. Anonymous

    Nice article

  2. Anonymous

    N.B. You wrote a script to expand apologies (#5); then advised to minimize apologies in two ways (#17, #18).

    Please correct.

    Thank you,
    Barb, aka Barbara

    • Viktor Sander

      Thank you, Barbara. I’ve corrected it.

  3. Barb

    What a great article! Thank you so very much. I have been watching the dog whisperer to more clearly understand “boundaries”. It’s very hard to compare re-habbing a dog and training people to people’s way. For one you can challenge a dog silently and prevent the pup from running away. People not so much…. I hope to begin with inappropriate apologies by considering thank-you’s if it fits the situation.

    Again, I deeply appreciate this article.

  4. Anonymous

    very helpful …thankyou

  5. Anonymous

    greAt and Interesting, overloaded with needful ingredient

  6. CJ

    Very helpful – much appreciated – thanks

  7. Ra

    I feel like there are different types of low self-esteem, that unless you’re willing to accept it, it’s so easy to critique this article. I really value what you had to say, and my whole persona changed after reading this. Sitting next to my boyfriend who’s really good at making me feel unworthy, I was able to find the mindset that I built up my whole life, before meeting him. I got so used to the insults, I started to believe it. I know that’s unhealthy and I’m trying to work through it… but I felt a glimpse of the true me before I started to disvalue myself. We have to learn to be vulnerable and understand that any negativity that’s targeted towards us, is a lie that we once made an agreement within ourselves attracted by fear.:( We’re so worried about how to respond, and what would be acceptable.. we forget our worth. When you learn to let go… and not take things personally, everything will change start to fall into place and you’ll find who you truly are. Let’s all build each other up and don’t let fear rule our lives… <3

    • Viktor Sander

      Hello Ra, wise words. I’m saddened to hear how your boyfriend makes you feel unworthy. That makes me feel like you deserve better – because you are worthy!

  8. Maryam

    im a 16 year old girl. ive been so “out there” i used be so shy, i dont want so much people to know me. ive let people walk all over me like a door mat. especially guys. the thing is everyone knows me as an easy going girl. i came to school one day and i was a totally different person. nobody took me seriously. when i say “no” they would drag me by the arm and make me do what they want me to do. i want to be strong. independent. i wanna be me… my true self. deep down i know i do things that shouldn’t have happened. deep down i know i can do better. instead i just say “yes”. i want people to know im not the girl like before. people think im a dumb person because i was always acting dumb. but actually im way smarter than they think. im done with people disrespecting me. im done. what should i do. please lol im desperate here for advice.

    • MADUBUKOH JOY

      Just keep doing what is right, do what you have read in the article above and practice it. Even though your friends don’t see you as you want them to see you now, trust me, they will do that later.

  9. Josphat Kasaine

    Thank you very much. This has given me a guide on how to earn self respect and also to change how others persive me. I accept the great challenge to build and maintain respect for myself and others.

  10. Dhyani

    I even have a problem of my friends..I m a 1st year BDS student..and frnds I have got… Are nice they re good..but they don’t respect me..always ignore me…never listen to my talks…always make fun of me…behind me…i get very much frustrated.! Help me to get out.. I want to make others respect me !

    • Mavis

      First, and I mean no disrespect with this, learn how to communicate by using proper English and grammar, and use complete sentences, not phrases separated by “…”. This method of communication is difficult to read and tends to make others not take you seriously.

      • Anonymous

        I don’t think she is here for English lessons. ..just some advice….I’m sure you managed to understand her..well done to her for trying to speak an additional language!..no reason for any negativity

    • Anonymous

      It’s not that your disrespectful,it’s your friend that have no respect for themselves. It’s not healthy to be in that kind of relationship for too long, you will doubt yourself and lose your self confidence. I know its not easy but try to find a new friend who will respect you but you have to respect yourself first and also don’t be scared to spend some time alone. Be your own best friend and respect yourself so others will respect you.

    • Carmell 30000

      There not your real friends. You said they ignore you and won’t listen to what you have to say, well then there not true friends. True friends would never talk about you behind your back and would listen to you when you need someone to rely on.

  11. Karen

    I genuinely do no. 1 with my teenagers and my son has told me that it makes it easier for him to forgive me when I own my shit. My kids know they can openly talk to me and call me on my shit too. The only drawback is, I need to practice on not reacting emotionally. I have hard time with that one.

    One little side note to the author: on #10, the last paragraph is repeated from the one before it. Just letting you know of the typo. 🙂

  12. Lauren

    Thank you for sharing this kind of tricks. I wish it will work on me.

    • David Morin

      Which one would you like to become better at? Choose one and focus on improving it!

  13. Unipec

    I Like This Article Very Well. Once One Is Practising, One Is Hopeful Of Perfection. This Article Is Helpful. My Advice Is That People Should Try All Possible Ways To Be Respected In The Society.

  14. Anonymous

    Sorry but this article is NOT true.
    You canNOT control if someone respects you.

    You can only live your life, and try your best to be a good person, and pray to God. If someone respects you is NOT in your control. You canNOT control that.
    How do you control someone else’s behavior??? This is impossible.

    You do everything correct and sometimes people will disrespect you more. Why? Because of envy and jealousy. Respect is not something you can “earn”. It’s a big lie.

    • Viktor Sander

      I disagree.

      For example, there was a user who wrote a mean-spirited comment to another user on this blog (which I deleted). That behavior made me lose respect for them.

      How you decide to live your life and treat others will affect what you get back. Not always, but most often.

    • John Raymond

      I disagree
      You can control how others view you.
      The way you respect your pastor and a theif are not the same.
      Because of their behaviour, you view them differently.
      If your pastor becomes a theif you’ll no longer respect him.
      So this is a great article.
      Thanks for writing

    • Anonymous

      That means you just lied to yourself
      Tell me, how can you change a fighter into a calm person if you fight back at every little thing they do? Tell me how you calm you partner down when they are wrong and believe they are right to tell them they are wrong by forcefully imposing the truth in them? If you can answer this questions correctly, then you can answer if you can or cannot cause people to respect you. Thanks

      • Anonymous

        That’s when you walk away from those kinds of people. If you respect yourself and assert yourself and someone still doesn’t respect you, they aren’t worth your time anyway. There’s plenty of other people who are decent enough to show you respect.

    • Dee

      To Anonymous, THANK YOU!!! That is sooooo true. You can’t make someone respect you even if you’ve done everything on this list. I know; tried every one on this list and still get disrespected.

    • Charlie

      This last comment illustrates the need for reasoned thought and emotional calmness. To enforce their opinion they capitalized “NOT.” Was this is ensure that this word was not missed, or to blast an opinion as something that could not be challenged.

      I suspect same people will make many mistakes in life and assume the whole world is wrong. As we grow and learn emotionally we learn the whole word is often nothing more than the mirror we see of ourselves.

      Bullying the innocent and truly bad people do exist.

      However, we need to recognize the difference between the honest feedback from others from the ignorance of a few.

    • Anonymous

      Well said

    • Argus Skyhawk

      You cannot FORCE anyone to respect you, but you can behave in ways that make people more likely to respect you. That is what this fine article is about.

    • SYLVESTER

      YOU CAN..PEOPLE TREAT YOU HOW YOU TEACH THEM TOO..POWER AND RESPECT IS NOT A GAME LEFT TO CHANCE

  15. Rosina

    This is a great article. You’re right, trying to change everything at the same time is too much to deal with, so going through it step by step is a great solution. In my opinion it all comes down to self-respect as a starting point and people who genuinely believe in your success and support you regardless of your flaws.

  16. Anonymous

    Don’t do things to devalue your authenticity e.g. Don’t do stupid things on social media, or devalue someone else opinion and believes just because they are not the same as your own. Keep high morals and avoid making mistakes in the sense of morals .Be an inspiration towards others instead of the guy who nobody wants to be associated with because of his poor life decisions.

    • Viktor Sander

      I like that, integrity! Maybe I should add one more principle to explain that in more depth and how you can increase your integrity?

      • Geneva

        I would say integrity is one of the fundamental qualities that people respect you for. Even if you’re not the nicest, if you always do the right thing, people will respect you 100% even if they don’t like you.

    • Teabag

      I found this very helpful. You tend to get disrespect from society when you hold strong convictions on subjects that differ from the rest.

      • Jonatan

        I think this it’s very usefull for every humanbeing im try to change my self for along time but this is the first thing help me to get respect ebd

  17. Sneha

    No one take me seriously just because i crack jokes evry time the reason is I dose’nt want to create tense situtation but no one understand my veiw not family nor my friend respect me for them i m nothing more then a joke so pls tell how should i deal with it

    • Prabhu

      Sneha,I also faced the same situation but slowly after introspection I understood where I went wrong.Nowdays I have started giving back to people who make incessant fun and don’t take it seriously and I practice with the choice of words where it will hurt them so that they realise.i practice this in the bathroom while taking shower imagining they are in font of me .This has worked out for me for sure.I wish you all the luck in developing your personality.

      Please note that I am also developing but it is a tip I am sharing with you based on my realization and how I coped with the situation

      Let me now if I can be of any help to you

    • pinna

      try to repect your self

  18. Anonymous

    hi.. I think I’ve lost my respect because majority of the times I’m joking around even in serious occasions and that is solely because I have that jolly personality … like I want to overcome this habit nut unintentionally I crack a joke… also I’ve noticed I am a chatter box and tend to be easily share my thoughts with strangers whom I’ve just met .. like I fail to keep a distance also I’m not committed to my words sometimes I’m a student female… I also think some no many people get jealous of me either from my appearance or what … I don’t get some people like some of them I’ve never talked or so also tend to dislike me. I was once very confident but after getting into university my confidence level has dropped too … this article is good and I really would like to follow it

    • Viktor Sander

      Thanks for sharing! Glad you liked the article, I recommend you start with one principle and focus on that to start. With your self-insight, I think you can improve a lot!

  19. Chris

    The article is good but unfortunately no one lives up to those standards. We are all humans,full of flaws and idiosyncrasies. I think good people try their best to follow the examples mentioned, but inevitably we all fail sooner or later. For example, I think most people want to stay cool, calm and collective during an argument but unfortunately things happen that sometimes we ourselves can’t control. We are not robots. I respect people not solely based on the qualities mentioned, but on what is in their heart, mind and most importantly, honesty and if they have good morals.

    • Viktor Sander

      I agree Chris, we can never be perfect and neither should we expect perfection from others. That’s why at the start of the article I wrote about how you can choose just one principle that you resonate with to focus on, that way it gets more manageable and realistic.

      • Vincent

        While this is a very good article, I tend to agree with Chris. Even born leaders have sometimes lost their cool. The question is “how often do you lose your cool”?

        I happens to be someone people always look up to. I am not the alpha male but people want to see me as such. I have a carriage that makes people curious about me. They want to know what is behind my confidence. And many times people have made several attempts to even see the size of my dick. They have done this sometimes by directly touching me inappropriately at my groin or they follow me to the watch room to look at my dick while I am having a pee. Also, in order to get my attention, some have intentionally belittle me, make fun of me, slight me purposely, use derogatory remarks etc. Unfortunately, that is where I had failed because I lose my cool most times. And you will not blame me given that I am constantly under scrutiny and barrage of verbal attacks.

        While I exhibited most of the qualities mentioned above, I always fail in point 4 (Allowing my emotions to get the best of me). Although, I am conscious of the fact that I should not raise my voice in an argument but I often do not know when I drift apart and lose it with bitter exchange of words.

        The more embarrassing situation happened recently when I had a quarrel with a seemingly insignificant, uneducated and socially unexposed girl that is half my age. To be honest, I lost respect from two or three of my neighbours but because I still have the respect from a large spectrum of my community, I did not feel the impact of the loss of respect. But, I hurt my ego with the incident. In my opinion, the incident was a turning point for me to manage point 4. I learnt a lesson in a bitter way. However, as the saying goes “No pains, No gain” because, ever since the incident, I am more efficient in keeping my cool. I have come to realize that people purposely want to provoke and insult me because of the following reasons:

        They either want to be in my circle of acquaintances and they are not making any head way
        They pale in comparisons with my social status
        They feel I get too much respect from the community
        People always talk good of me and they want to look for means to belittle me publicly
        They hate my guts
        I tend to mine my business all the time and that infuriates them
        They are looking for means to make me loose my ego and carriage

        In any case, I am better equipped now in managing my emotions since I came to the realization that people consider me a person of class and as such many want to intentionally talk negatively of me just to bring me down. I no longer give them the room by responding to their insult or derogatory remarks.

        Thank you very much for this article because it has helped me to see myself.

      • Tina

        How do u deal with a borderline overstepping mother? I’ve tried everything and feel I’m the only one to deal with this. She is my main stressor. Extremely controlling and at times delusional . does nothing but try to make everyone feel guilty

        • Viktor Sander

          So sorry to hear about that Tina. Dealing with mentally ill people is a very tough issue. I think this forum might be of help: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/

          It’s a gathering place for other people in similar situations as you, I think just reading about others problems can help you get perspective on your situation. That will hopefully give you clarity on how to move on.

          You have my best wishes!

    • Anonymous

      Good article. No we cannot control how others feel about us.
      But we can affect how others feel about us. If we respect ourselves, and show respect to others, over time, that gets conveyed…… this article gave good pointers as to how to not overreact and how to come from a place of integrity, no matter what is coming at us. Then there are those who out of habitual behavior, will never show us respect. And its best to recognize that, not take it personally, and go on being an ‘example’ of integrity, yes making mistakes also. And saying ‘sorry I was wrong’.

  20. jenny

    Such a nice article i loved And will follow too.

    • Viktor Sander

      Thank you Jenny! Anything more you would like us to write about on the subject?

  21. Anonymous

    can we ask questions here? plzzzzz

  22. Sachin Awasthy

    This is an amazing article…

  23. Amera

    I lost respect frm a friend(a boy) and I’m a girl and its been awhile since we spoke…i actually bought something for him as a borthday gift,should i give it to him,npw dat we dont talk anymore?

    • Anonymous

      Amera jist don’t talk to your boy frnd for 3days or 1week…….After he will respect you.Boys always think about girls when they are trying to leave……..

  24. styve mogash

    thnkx 4 your words

  25. Anonymous

    I am 12 and I am new at school.I hang around with my one year older friend and her buddies.sometimes some of them hit me 4 no reason what should I do please help😖😖.

    • Anonymous

      Try to act smarter and always don’t let them scare you

    • Anonymous

      Tell to your teacher or parents

    • Anonymous

      Hit them back. Don’t laugh with them when they laugh at you. Keep a straight face instead.

    • Anonymous

      Find different friends immediately. One second more of time spent around them conveys you are willing to accept their behavior. Treat them as if they are a gray rock on the side of the road by passing them by and ignoring their existence. They want to get a reaction out of you. You can tell your older friend it was nice knowing her but you don’t play that way. If the harassment continues, immediately tell your parents and teacher.

    • Aimee Seek

      Hit them back very hard and tell her to get off of you if she starts violence with you first. Otherwise, you have no reason to fear anyone.

  26. shy boy

    if someone is really shy man then what should he do to improve.Let me explain i am a student and I want to get respect from others and I know that I am smarter than other but actually when some girls or lady teacher saw me then i can’t make eye contact i don’t know what happen to me please help me …

  27. NYUSI ELVIS

    Nyusi Elvis
    Its actually a nice one and its workable.it has help me

  28. Anonymous

    To treasure your integrity more than gold even being called selfish.
    Respect others even they do not like you.
    Keep a proper disctence from thoese who do not care about your integrity.

  29. Anonymous

    Integrity needs to be maintained and protected, which sounds to be selfish sometimes. Repsect other even though they might not respect you.It is very necessary to keep a proper disctence from certian types of people with no dudgement.

  30. PPK

    nice, I struggle with integrity and challenge myself on body language. Thanks

  31. Anonymous

    Thank for all your words

  32. Pratyus

    Useful to me and proper use of good topics and related to the most important thing in life. Everyone should see this I will share this webpage to everyone.

  33. Sayan

    Easily one of the best articles, the problem comes in applying these with the loved ones; how do you set boundaries with them?

  34. S.G.MUGILAN

    Mr.David it was really wonderful in going through your lines.Actually i don’t know whether this reply will be read by u personally. But i feel that these r one of the most important lines that I have gone through in my life…. I have started to practice them from today itself and I’m confident that these will work…
    But do u think these would work against people who intend to show u inferior.
    I mean I’m 18 years old and my relatives try to prove everything i do as wrong … will these tips help me sir..or do u have something in stock for that tooo…
    I’m expecting to hear from u people..

  35. Im relatively a good nured person and base my life strict on respect and character. Im a big giver by heart wanting nothing back. I tend to find people take me for granted and can bé nasty to me for no reasons and I dont like it sometimes I ignore other times I talk against it to let them seem the disadvantages of it. Im always undermind inspite of my achievements and great associations by people who have and are far less than me. People dont take me seriously yet I do for the benefit of me growth. I like to evaluate myself for growth and for me to bé a better person. I dont conflict and compromise good ethics but I tend to bé. Hurt by people so often, get into ugly arguments that are not even constructive and most time common with vulgar and when vulgar and slander to me I could retaliate in the same way shutting everyone off and its when they still and I hateeeeeee this I dont want to bé defensive in this way in fact not at all I understand that life is not a bed of roses but if in a dispute let it bé respectful hence I remove myself from such people. I tend to dislike people who treat me bad for a while and then forgive but dont go down that road again. I also love people but kind and respectful people who treat me well. I prefer animals and nature to rude people. Im a Christian and believe in what the word teaches and I aspire to bé that hence I constantly check myself and make changes for me not people. I hate it when I get dragged or treated rudely when I dont give to people this and when its too much I retakiate. I also try to make myself. Clear but not heard. Most times its from family, neighbours, workplace, seldom on the street. I dont have friends but associates of profound interest and this behaviour is not good for my image. Im hurting. When Im in a place and around people I aspire to bé and amb as myself Im fine and come out refreshed and get emotional that people are good just some and I question why are they nasty when life can bé good. I dont compromise character and I hold mine high and when compromised I make it know, first calm and when they go on either I walk away dont talk again or if pushed depending how far I can lash out. And its most times and I hate it. Its hurting me I dont want double standards in my life. So yes even my 16 year old does not listen instead when corrected he will same thing for public audience and when people do things and I indicate I dont like they say who you when you beaten by you son and even my mom and sibblings do this to me. Currently Im in a legal dispute because of domestic violence living in a volatile community and I hate the lifestyle here. Imoved after termination of contract back to family home and its hell for me struggling.from the eloquent life I lived. I take care of kids by goodwill and yet their father long story does not confide and communicate with me but his daughter least support them. Basically Im in a messy environment. Please help me to change. Im also going for psychlogy treatment no meds as yet. Thank you

  36. Anonymous

    M…xo dope..its fascinatinq..real words..buh fuck u all dat commented to hell with u guys…foolish words

  37. Yudish sharma

    It was very useful for me

  38. Anonymous

    Good tips, thanks!

  39. Paul Symonds

    Respect is most often earned through fear and intimidation. We are but animals, we homo sapiens, and as such are drawn to the bold and daring. Be the Alpha, exhibit the traits of dominance, and you WILL be respected. Respect is not given, it is not earned…..IT IS DEMANDED AND TAKEN!!!

    • Anonymous

      Paul, I think you are right. You are speaking as a realist.

    • Chris

      That is not respect but fear. Two different things.

    • Anonymous

      Paul. You are welcome to your opinion. But what you will get in the end, with that attitude, is not genuine respect.
      You will be viewed as someone to just stay away from.
      Fear and intimidation belongs in tyrannical societies , not in democracies like the United of States.

  40. zenita

    i think respect goes with trust.

  41. Adnan Qureshi

    i m a student all my classmates respected me till last year but now all of them are making me shameful and are critisising mee what should i do to gain my respect

    • Anonymous

      just ignore them do ur work if anyone talks with u you start speaking with him in a polite manner

    • Anonymous

      Simple.
      Don’t say anything.

      Work your arse of until it’s obvious that you’re getting somewhere, show those who shame you respect, regardless of what they have done. If they tease you, laugh along, keep it light-hearted. Never lose your cool on anyone. Don’t be afraid of being alone, you should look confident in your own skin. People will eventually grow to respect you.

  42. Yinka ArkofGod

    Thanks for these information’s.

  43. Anonymous

    I kind of get in fights a lot and I say I’m going to do something and I don’t follow through. What do I do?

    • Anonymous

      Dont give in – if you have to fight do it,and dont let emotions get the best of you.

    • Anonymous

      THATS FUNNY,I WISH I COULD HAVE THE GUTS TO GET INTO FIGHTS,YOU HATE SOMETHING I WANT,I FEEL SO TIMID FOR A MAN,ALL LAID BACK AND RESERVED.

      • Umar

        just remember that the Warriors blew a 3-1 lead.

  44. claire

    What if you are not finish or doing good your tasks?, I feel like I am a disaster. My boss told me how is this possible?; a prol like you, with your curse studies, can’t understand about bla bla about your task.

  45. Kagumi

    I find it very useful. Trust and respect are the most important thing to build.

  46. Hey, I think number 5 is the most important because above all, true respect must be earned and having integrity is the best way of achieving that, in my opinion.

    It’s not just about doing what you say – it’s also about living life to your own values and respecting yourself first.

    • anonomys

      I’m in high school I’m far from a social person and I have no friends therefore I get little to no respect but if someone tries to bully/threaten etc I will stand my ground
      over the last few weeks I’ve been trying to make friends but being a very shy and not social I’ve had many problems I hope this article will help me

      Anonomys