March 21, 2014 Viktor Sander

12 Tricks That Will Make People Respect You More

My task for you before you continue reading: Try to choose one of the principles listed below and focus on improving that. You will notice significant changes in how people treat you if you can improve in just ONE of these areas.

1. Admit when you’re wrong and be humble about your mistakes

I remember a friend in college, Fredrik. We were usually studying in a group after class. And whenever he was wrong about something, he immediately said: “You’re right. I agree.” He really meant it, too, you could hear it in his voice. I was so humbled and impressed by his ability to accept his mistakes and move on from it. All the while, making the other person feel good about themselves. Whenever he was talking, everyone listened. I think he was probably the most respected person in our group of friends. And he was also the most humble and mature of us all, by far. I learned a lot from him and I always respected him deeply. He was humble, warm and incredibly competent.

2. Don’t apologize when you’ve done nothing wrong

Don’t apologize for your mere presence, for stating your opinion, for disagreeing. You don’t need to apologize if you don’t want to do something. Still, when you are in the wrong, take responsibility and apologize like we talked about in the previous point. Just avoid apologizing over nothing.

3. Present yourself respectably

Dress well according to the situation. Clean, well-fitting clothes go a long way. While you don’t have to blow through your bank account to do this, it’s important to dress the part. Practice good grooming habits. Make sure you smell well, take care of your hair, teeth, and nails. Show that you care about how you present yourself. Just imagine someone coming to work in stained clothes, or the person on the bus who just STINKS, it’s pretty hard to get respect from that position. But fortunately, it’s pretty easy to change in comparison.

4. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you

To earn respect, you must be willing to remain calm and collected regardless of the situation. If you lose your cool and allow emotions to take over, it will be much more difficult for others to view you in a positive light. Instead, follow these characteristics of an outgoing person:

  • You shouldn’t react emotionally during an argument. A respected person knows to keep their cool when others cannot. While another person may raise their voice to place emphasis on a point to accuse you of something, you respond in a calm manner. When you do so, you can defuse the intense situation and earn the respect of others.
  • You should also remain calm in tense situations. For example, say your work environment is stressful. Given this environment, it would be easy for you to lose your cool. However, by maintaining a level head, speaking in a calm voice and not allowing emotion to take over, you show command over the situation. This will attract others to you because they see leadership qualities in you. You will be like a stable rock where they can find their direction.

5. Show that you are a leader

People will listen and follow others whom they respect. With this in mind, by showing natural leadership tendencies, it will make it easy for you to earn the respect of others. Here are some great leadership qualities to have:

  • You possess great communication skills. This means you have the innate ability to speak to others on a wide variety of topics. Further, you are able to engage the listener with your words. To accomplish this, you should refrain from telling dirty jokes, using poor language such as cuss words or yelling. Instead, you are warm, friendly and speak with knowledge on the conversation topic. Furthermore, leaders don’t speak with uncertainty by using words such as “ehhm”. They also don’t try to end awkward silences with filler material. They are confident no matter what the situation entails.
  • Another trait leaders share is in their body language. To be a good leader, you walk with an upright posture, establish confident eye contact with those you speak to and maintain a steady voice throughout the conversation. By doing this, you attract others with your personality and confidence. Conversely, if you speak quietly with your shoulders huddled and you look down at your shoes, people will perceive you as shy. It is much harder for people to express confidence in you if you don’t have confidence in yourself.

Overall, leaders exhibit these skills naturally. This means they don’t try to act confident, they just are. Now, this may take years of experience to master for you. It did for me. However, when I started taking the time to speak to others and practice these communication skills, I was amazed at how much confidence I gained. It also had an effect on those around me, as I noticed they would ask for my feedback on certain topics. Even if you have to take baby steps to improve your communication skills such as watching yourself in the mirror while speaking or recording a conversation, it’s a good first step towards gaining confidence.

6. You are a problem solver

One of the best ways to earn the respect of your peers is to master the art of problem-solving. Here is a guide to help you with this:

  • When a problem occurs, you don’t react emotionally to it. For example, say you are on a trip with a group of coworkers and you try to check into a hotel and they don’t have your reservations. Certainly, this would be a frustrating problem to encounter, but in this case, you don’t complain about the problem. Instead, you deal with it and make sure you fix your reservations in the best way possible.
  • You address the problem head on. In this example, show the attendant your work’s travel itinerary if applicable. Another solution could be to call whoever made the arrangements to see what they can do. The goal here is to find action steps to solve your problems instead of complaining to the attendant about it.
  • Along with solving the problem, you are diplomatic in your responses. Even if the attendant is rude or unhelpful, you take the high road. You treat them with respect and you work together to find a solution. By doing this, you show your coworkers you are in control of the situation, which can earn their respect.

7. Earn respect by giving it

As you develop confidence, it’s important that you remain humble. There’s nothing more unattractive to others than if you act arrogantly. Instead, treat others with kindness even if they won’t do the same for you. When you treat others with respect, some will appreciate the kindness you show and may respond in kind. While you won’t be able to please everyone, by being nice to all you will gain respect from some of your peers. Of course, you still need to keep clear boundaries when people are disrespectful.

8. Keep your word

The easiest way to lose respect is to say you’ll do something and don’t follow through on it. If you want respect, you must show that you are dependable. When you commit to meetings or obligations, be sure to follow through on them. When you become someone that others can count on, it is then that you earn their respect.

9. Set clear boundaries

What if people take you for granted? What do you do when someone disrespects you? What if someone is rude or mean towards you or someone else? This situations or patterns when you may need to set your boundaries.  – So how do you do set your boundaries? Follow these steps.

  1. Identify and define your boundary in the relevant situation.
  2. Use non-emotional language to tell the other person they stepped over your boundary. “When you do X, I feel Y, can you do Z instead?”
  3. Listen to their point of view.

For example, say you asked your friend a question and they rudely say “F*** off”. First, ask yourself, is this something I’m willing to put up with? If the answer is no, go on and tell them what they did wasn’t ok. The most effective way to do this is to say it like this: “When you say that to me, it makes me feel disrespected, can you answer my question seriously instead?” Then you can listen to how they respond and see if you can come to an understanding.

I highly recommend reading and practicing this type of communication, it’s called I-statements or I-messages: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I-message It’s a very effective type of communication in (close) relationships.

 – What if the other person doesn’t listen? This usually works if you both have some sort of relationship with each other that you both value in one way or another. It can be your partner, friend, mother, father or someone else. If they are motivated to have a functioning relationship with you, they will probably listen sooner or later. But if the other person isn’t interested in a healthy relationship with you, for example, a random stranger. This method is more of a throw of the dice, they might listen or they might not. That’s when you walk away. Why waste your time on them?

Warning: Mistakes when trying to get respect

10. Mistake: Showing you’re smarter than them

We’ve all seen it. People trying to prove they’re smarter by being a know-it-all, saying you’re wrong about something or correcting your pronunciation. Have you ever respected someone for being like that? Neither have I, but it’s still such an easy trap to fall into. We think that if we prove how smart we are, people will like and respect us. But instead, people are just irritated and annoyed.

11. Mistake: Showing you’re richer than them

Some people respect money, but most people don’t. All you get is that people will either be envious of you or they will think you seem desperate and needy trying to flaunt your wealth. Neither will get you respect. One thing that might is being generous with your money – buy your friends or coworkers a nice treat from time to time. But be careful of making a habit out of paying for stuff, that will only make people see you as an ATM. You want them to value and respect you for more than your assets.

12. When getting respect turns bad

This probably doesn’t apply to you. But if it does, it’s important.

  • Trying to intimidate or fight people.
  • Making fun of others
  • Teasing someone too much
  • Belittling others
  • Being mean

You might get some “respect” in the moment, but it’s at the cost of your relationships. People will try to avoid you at any cost. Because these behaviors make people feel bad about themselves. Why would anyone want to be close to someone who makes them feel scared and insecure? If you want people to respect AND like you, make them feel secure and good about themselves when they are with you. Support and encourage your friends and partner when they need it, protect and stand up for them. That’s how you get deep, lasting respect from people.

You can get superhero levels of respect. There’s no magic involved. It all comes down to the fundamental principles listed above. To really motivate you, I want you to show you what respect can mean to your life.

With your friends:

You are the first person to be invited to any happenings in your social circle. Your friends seek your approval because they see you as an informal leader of the group. People love hanging out with you because you are confident in yourself but still warm and fun to be with.

At your work:

You get a promotion at work because your boss trusts in your competence and he knows your colleagues listen to you. You like that people ask for your opinion before making a big decision.

In your relationship:

Your partner sees you as an equal and you have a deep mutual respect towards each other. You can be open about your deepest secrets and talk about anything. Your relationship gives you a stable place to always return and recharge your energy. And when you’re up for it, you can always go on an adventure together.

With your family:

You are always welcome. They love and support you, they are grateful when you visit. You’d do anything for them and they’d do anything for you.

How to gain respect from your friends

What if your friends don’t take you seriously or don’t listen to you? What if they tease you too much?

The above principles still apply, but depending on your situation, you may need to do something more drastic to break the pattern. Sometimes you can get “stuck” in a role that you don’t want to be in. Especially in a social circle of friends and it can be hard to break out of it. I think the most important principle is to learn how to set boundaries like we talked about in principle number 9. I would also recommend this guide about dealing with being teased by your friends: http://www.succeedsocially.com/tease

Ultimately, earning respect means you naturally convey confidence and leadership qualities. You don’t allow emotions to control the situation. Instead, you control it. Further, you are willing to earn respect by being kind to others and be dependable. When you develop these qualities, you will naturally and effortlessly earn the respect of others.

P.S. This article is under review and we are updating it even more within a week. Comment below or send us a message if you want us to include anything extra. /David & Viktor

Comments (41)

  1. Chris

    The article is good but unfortunately no one lives up to those standards. We are all humans,full of flaws and idiosyncrasies. I think good people try their best to follow the examples mentioned, but inevitably we all fail sooner or later. For example, I think most people want to stay cool, calm and collective during an argument but unfortunately things happen that sometimes we ourselves can’t control. We are not robots. I respect people not solely based on the qualities mentioned, but on what is in their heart, mind and most importantly, honesty and if they have good morals.

  2. jenny

    Such a nice article i loved And will follow too.

    • Viktor Sander

      Thank you Jenny! Anything more you would like us to write about on the subject?

  3. Anonymous

    can we ask questions here? plzzzzz

  4. Sachin Awasthy

    This is an amazing article…

  5. Amera

    I lost respect frm a friend(a boy) and I’m a girl and its been awhile since we spoke…i actually bought something for him as a borthday gift,should i give it to him,npw dat we dont talk anymore?

    • Anonymous

      Amera jist don’t talk to your boy frnd for 3days or 1week…….After he will respect you.Boys always think about girls when they are trying to leave……..

  6. styve mogash

    thnkx 4 your words

  7. Anonymous

    I am 12 and I am new at school.I hang around with my one year older friend and her buddies.sometimes some of them hit me 4 no reason what should I do please help😖😖.

    • Anonymous

      Try to act smarter and always don’t let them scare you

    • Anonymous

      Tell to your teacher or parents

    • Anonymous

      Hit them back. Don’t laugh with them when they laugh at you. Keep a straight face instead.

  8. shy boy

    if someone is really shy man then what should he do to improve.Let me explain i am a student and I want to get respect from others and I know that I am smarter than other but actually when some girls or lady teacher saw me then i can’t make eye contact i don’t know what happen to me please help me …

  9. NYUSI ELVIS

    Nyusi Elvis
    Its actually a nice one and its workable.it has help me

  10. Anonymous

    To treasure your integrity more than gold even being called selfish.
    Respect others even they do not like you.
    Keep a proper disctence from thoese who do not care about your integrity.

  11. Anonymous

    Integrity needs to be maintained and protected, which sounds to be selfish sometimes. Repsect other even though they might not respect you.It is very necessary to keep a proper disctence from certian types of people with no dudgement.

  12. PPK

    nice, I struggle with integrity and challenge myself on body language. Thanks

  13. Anonymous

    Thank for all your words

  14. Pratyus

    Useful to me and proper use of good topics and related to the most important thing in life. Everyone should see this I will share this webpage to everyone.

  15. Sayan

    Easily one of the best articles, the problem comes in applying these with the loved ones; how do you set boundaries with them?

  16. S.G.MUGILAN

    Mr.David it was really wonderful in going through your lines.Actually i don’t know whether this reply will be read by u personally. But i feel that these r one of the most important lines that I have gone through in my life…. I have started to practice them from today itself and I’m confident that these will work…
    But do u think these would work against people who intend to show u inferior.
    I mean I’m 18 years old and my relatives try to prove everything i do as wrong … will these tips help me sir..or do u have something in stock for that tooo…
    I’m expecting to hear from u people..

  17. Im relatively a good nured person and base my life strict on respect and character. Im a big giver by heart wanting nothing back. I tend to find people take me for granted and can bé nasty to me for no reasons and I dont like it sometimes I ignore other times I talk against it to let them seem the disadvantages of it. Im always undermind inspite of my achievements and great associations by people who have and are far less than me. People dont take me seriously yet I do for the benefit of me growth. I like to evaluate myself for growth and for me to bé a better person. I dont conflict and compromise good ethics but I tend to bé. Hurt by people so often, get into ugly arguments that are not even constructive and most time common with vulgar and when vulgar and slander to me I could retaliate in the same way shutting everyone off and its when they still and I hateeeeeee this I dont want to bé defensive in this way in fact not at all I understand that life is not a bed of roses but if in a dispute let it bé respectful hence I remove myself from such people. I tend to dislike people who treat me bad for a while and then forgive but dont go down that road again. I also love people but kind and respectful people who treat me well. I prefer animals and nature to rude people. Im a Christian and believe in what the word teaches and I aspire to bé that hence I constantly check myself and make changes for me not people. I hate it when I get dragged or treated rudely when I dont give to people this and when its too much I retakiate. I also try to make myself. Clear but not heard. Most times its from family, neighbours, workplace, seldom on the street. I dont have friends but associates of profound interest and this behaviour is not good for my image. Im hurting. When Im in a place and around people I aspire to bé and amb as myself Im fine and come out refreshed and get emotional that people are good just some and I question why are they nasty when life can bé good. I dont compromise character and I hold mine high and when compromised I make it know, first calm and when they go on either I walk away dont talk again or if pushed depending how far I can lash out. And its most times and I hate it. Its hurting me I dont want double standards in my life. So yes even my 16 year old does not listen instead when corrected he will same thing for public audience and when people do things and I indicate I dont like they say who you when you beaten by you son and even my mom and sibblings do this to me. Currently Im in a legal dispute because of domestic violence living in a volatile community and I hate the lifestyle here. Imoved after termination of contract back to family home and its hell for me struggling.from the eloquent life I lived. I take care of kids by goodwill and yet their father long story does not confide and communicate with me but his daughter least support them. Basically Im in a messy environment. Please help me to change. Im also going for psychlogy treatment no meds as yet. Thank you

  18. Anonymous

    M…xo dope..its fascinatinq..real words..buh fuck u all dat commented to hell with u guys…foolish words

  19. Yudish sharma

    It was very useful for me

  20. Anonymous

    Good tips, thanks!

  21. Paul Symonds

    Respect is most often earned through fear and intimidation. We are but animals, we homo sapiens, and as such are drawn to the bold and daring. Be the Alpha, exhibit the traits of dominance, and you WILL be respected. Respect is not given, it is not earned…..IT IS DEMANDED AND TAKEN!!!

    • Anonymous

      Paul, I think you are right. You are speaking as a realist.

    • Chris

      That is not respect but fear. Two different things.

  22. zenita

    i think respect goes with trust.

  23. Adnan Qureshi

    i m a student all my classmates respected me till last year but now all of them are making me shameful and are critisising mee what should i do to gain my respect

    • Anonymous

      just ignore them do ur work if anyone talks with u you start speaking with him in a polite manner

    • Anonymous

      Simple.
      Don’t say anything.

      Work your arse of until it’s obvious that you’re getting somewhere, show those who shame you respect, regardless of what they have done. If they tease you, laugh along, keep it light-hearted. Never lose your cool on anyone. Don’t be afraid of being alone, you should look confident in your own skin. People will eventually grow to respect you.

  24. Yinka ArkofGod

    Thanks for these information’s.

  25. Anonymous

    I kind of get in fights a lot and I say I’m going to do something and I don’t follow through. What do I do?

    • Anonymous

      Dont give in – if you have to fight do it,and dont let emotions get the best of you.

    • Anonymous

      THATS FUNNY,I WISH I COULD HAVE THE GUTS TO GET INTO FIGHTS,YOU HATE SOMETHING I WANT,I FEEL SO TIMID FOR A MAN,ALL LAID BACK AND RESERVED.

      • Umar

        just remember that the Warriors blew a 3-1 lead.

  26. claire

    What if you are not finish or doing good your tasks?, I feel like I am a disaster. My boss told me how is this possible?; a prol like you, with your curse studies, can’t understand about bla bla about your task.

  27. Kagumi

    I find it very useful. Trust and respect are the most important thing to build.

  28. Hey, I think number 5 is the most important because above all, true respect must be earned and having integrity is the best way of achieving that, in my opinion.

    It’s not just about doing what you say – it’s also about living life to your own values and respecting yourself first.

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