Blog - Socialpro

14 Nov 2018

Sticky Post By David Morin Posted in Making Friends, Personal development, Popularity, Relationships With 5 Comments Permalink

Were they making fun of me behind my back?

Sticky Post By David Morin On November 14, 2018 With 5 Comments

In school, I felt like an outsider.

I saw how others connected and had a great time, while I struggled.

Take the other guys in my class for example. I often worried that they were making fun of me behind my back and it felt like it was them inside and then me outside.

One day, a new guy came to class. After a week, he was closer with my classmates than I was after a year.

That “proved it” to me: There’s definitely something wrong with me!

Like I’ve said before, I don’t regret that time, because that’s what formed who I am today. read more

06 Nov 2018

Sticky Post By Andreas Sjöstrand Posted in Dating, General Social Skills, Personal development, Relationships, Self Confidence With No Comments Permalink

Interview with Evan Marc Katz on social life and dating

Sticky Post By Andreas Sjöstrand On November 6, 2018 With No Comments

Evan Marc Katz is a long time women’s relationship coach, author, and blogger at www.evanmarckatz.com.

In this open-hearted interview, we dive deep into relationships and social life. We cover topics including:

Following your heart instead of your selfishness
Important truths and habits in social life
Why men and women are equal but different

05 Nov 2018

Sticky Post By David Morin Posted in General Social Skills, Group dynamics With 1 Comment Permalink

What to do when you’re left out of a group conversation

Sticky Post By David Morin On November 5, 2018 With 1 Comment

I just read this.

Something like 30% of Americans feels lonely or left out at least once a week.

I still remember back in school when the guys in my class went to a party and I found out after the weekend. That felt like a stab in my gut.

Now, I can still feel left out if people talk and have fun and I’m in the fringe.

(This happens to everyone all the time, but we tend to only notice when it happens to US.)

You can divide people into two groups depending on how they tackle being left out in a group. read more

05 Nov 2018

Sticky Post By David Morin Posted in Personal development, Social Anxiety With No Comments Permalink

How to stop fiddling (+ other habits that make us look nervous)

Sticky Post By David Morin On November 5, 2018 With No Comments

This puzzled me for a long time:

I tried not fiddling, having more eye contact, having a better posture, and so on.

But it didn’t work!

As soon as I didn’t pay attention, I started fiddling again or I forgot about eye contact and posture.

One day, a friend told me about a principle Toyota uses to make cars. It’s called Genchi Genbutsu, and it helped me understand why I couldn’t stop fiddling.

So I’m probably missing some details here but the story of Genchi Genbutsu goes something like this: read more

23 Oct 2018

Sticky Post By David Morin Posted in General Social Skills With 4 Comments Permalink

What makes someone likable?

Sticky Post By David Morin On October 23, 2018 With 4 Comments

There’s a cafe in Brooklyn that I always go to.

They often mess up my order. I get drip coffee when I order an espresso, and I get ordinary milk when I ask for my hipster almond milk.

Still, I go there anyway. Why?

Because I like the people working there.

They are nice without being fake. They are interested without being needy. They are likable.

To me, that cafe is a metaphor for the rest of life:

When we’re likable, we attract people. People want to be with us and help us. Everything in life gets easier and more fun when everyone’s on your side. read more

16 Oct 2018

Sticky Post By David Morin Posted in General Social Skills With 1 Comment Permalink

How to get attention in a group without coming off as needy

Sticky Post By David Morin On October 16, 2018 With 1 Comment

A while back we wrote about what to do when friends only talk about themselves and aren’t interested in you.

My problem was that I could feel left out in groups and because of that, I tried to take up more space and crack more jokes.

Let me show you why this backfires.

A guy who came by our co-living the other day.

He was a friend of a friend and a nice person by all means.

Problem was, you could tell he was looking for laughs and attention. He cracked jokes all the time and tried to make a fun twist on everything. read more

09 Oct 2018

Sticky Post By David Morin Posted in Personal development With 1 Comment Permalink

“It’s like I don’t know who I am!” (How to find your identity)

Sticky Post By David Morin On October 9, 2018 With 1 Comment

How do you know who you really are?

Like, how do you know what your values are and what you really think and feel about things?

Here’s the comment that inspired me to write today’s text. It’s from one of our readers, Jaimie:

“As I am reading these articles and watching your videos (which are fantastic by the way!) I find myself thinking that, even if I do apply these principles to my social life, I will still struggle.

I actually don’t know what I think about things, or what I value and why. I have been such a people pleaser for so long, terrified of rejection, that I lost myself in it all. read more

02 Oct 2018

Sticky Post By David Morin Posted in General Social Skills, Making Conversation With 2 Comments Permalink

What to do when the topic dies out in a conversation

Sticky Post By David Morin On October 2, 2018 With 2 Comments

I spent this Saturday at a friend’s place in Manhattan.

My friend’s balcony

When a conversation topic dies out he uses a simple, but genius, question:

“How’s X?”

X is something he and the other person have talked about before. It could be work, a project, a trip, or some person they’ve discussed…

How’s your new car?
How’s work?
How’s it going with that guy/girl you met?
How was your trip to Chicago?
How’s your crazy neighbor?

Even though “How’s X?” is a simple question, it’s clever and should be used more. Here’s why:

It’s great to get a new topic started when the current one dies out, and you’ll be more confident knowing that you can always fire off a “How’s X”-question. read more

25 Sep 2018

Sticky Post By David Morin Posted in General Social Skills, Social Anxiety With 5 Comments Permalink

How I change my state when I’m not in the mood for socializing

Sticky Post By David Morin On September 25, 2018 With 5 Comments

Last weekend I went to a mingle here in NYC.

Even if it gets my adrenaline pumping, I still go.

I’ve met some amazing people that I’m forever grateful to have in my life today thanks to mingles.

Later the same day, I met up with some friends of friends that I didn’t have too much in common with.

Soon I noticed that I had zoned out. Instead of being above my “nice to socialize” level I was now below it.

Here’s what my stress curve looked like that day:

You want your body’s stress levels to be in the “Nice to socialize-zone”. If you’re more stressed than that, you get nervous. Too relaxed, and you get bored. read more

17 Sep 2018

Sticky Post By David Morin Posted in Making Friends With 2 Comments Permalink

Why bars and parties are terrible for connecting and what to do instead

Sticky Post By David Morin On September 17, 2018 With 2 Comments

Look at this email I just got:

“Many times I try to have more personal conversations in bars and at parties but people don’t want to talk about more personal things.
I asked someone what they did, whether they loved their job and what they would do if they could do anything.
They just said, “I don’t know, still thinking about it”. People don’t want to have deep and meaningful personal conversations in bars and parties, they just want to keep it light and have a laugh.”

This experience is spot on why loud bars and parties are so bad for connecting with people and getting to know someone. read more

12 Sep 2018

Sticky Post By David Morin Posted in General Social Skills, Making Conversation With 4 Comments Permalink

“What should I say when I talk with a stranger?”

Sticky Post By David Morin On September 12, 2018 With 4 Comments

There’s one thing most miss when they try to talk to someone they just met…

You see, I just came back to NYC after visiting friends and family in Sweden.

Here are me and my buddies on my “last supper” in Sweden

While I was gone, we got some new folks in the co-living back in NYC. So yesterday I got a chance to get to know them.

You know, I get emails every day and the most common questions are: “How do I start a conversation with a stranger?” and “How do I come up with things to say?” read more

31 Aug 2018

Sticky Post By David Morin Posted in General Social Skills, Making Friends, Relationships With No Comments Permalink

How to connect faster with others (A conversation with Wendy Atterberry)

Sticky Post By David Morin On August 31, 2018 With No Comments

Hi, how are you today?

How come some are SO GOOD at connecting quickly with people?

I remember in school when I saw others make friends and meet up after class just a few days into the semester. It always puzzled me how they could connect so fast.

My buddy Andreas Sjöstrand here at SocialPro just had an interesting conversation with Wendy Atterberry of dearwendy.com. (A great relationship advice blog. I recommend you to check it out.)

I just listened to the recording and thought it was so interesting. read more

24 Aug 2018

Sticky Post By David Morin Posted in General Social Skills, Making Conversation With 4 Comments Permalink

What I do when socializing just feels boring

Sticky Post By David Morin On August 24, 2018 With 4 Comments

My co-living has a pool table and I’ve never used it.

Why?

Because I hate pool.

I feel like a failure when I play because I can’t make the cue get those round thingys into the holes.

I’ve always been bored by what I don’t master.

It was the same with social settings. I wasn’t good at it so I couldn’t see the fun in it.

But being socially savvy has more benefits in life than playing pool, so I practiced it even if it didn’t like it.

The point is that I don’t expect you to think it’s fun to socialize. read more

17 Aug 2018

Sticky Post By David Morin Posted in General Social Skills With 2 Comments Permalink

How to be good at telling stories

Sticky Post By David Morin On August 17, 2018 With 2 Comments

It’s so annoying when you tell a story and people’s eyes start drifting. Or, when the story’s over, no one reacts.

(Or even worse, all you get is pity laughs.)

I have a friend who’s a natural storyteller. Today, I’m going to share the principles he uses to keep everyone’s attention and turn mundane everyday events into interesting stories.

These principles are taken from our video on storytelling in our program Confident in 60 Days.

In that program, I also go into detail about how to keep a cool head when everyone’s looking at you and not lock up. read more

09 Aug 2018

Sticky Post By David Morin Posted in Making Conversation, Personal development, Social Anxiety With 3 Comments Permalink

How to participate in group conversations when you dislike attention

Sticky Post By David Morin On August 9, 2018 With 3 Comments

This is the third part of my email series on group conversations.

Here are the previous parts:

Part 1: How to be part of the group without saying anything smart or funny
Part 2: How to be part of a conversation when you just don’t feel like it

Yesterday I had an eye-opening coaching session with a client.

He told me how he zoned out in conversations. I’ve met with him before, and nothing had given him great results.

Finally, after an hour of coaching, we finally arrived at the core of the problem: read more

08 Aug 2018

Sticky Post By David Morin Posted in Personal development With 5 Comments Permalink

Why self-improvement is painful and what to do about it

Sticky Post By David Morin On August 8, 2018 With 5 Comments

A while back I met an amazing girl that I soon fell in love with. I knew that she liked me back. But while I felt more and more for her over time, she felt less and less.

When someone I speak with for five minutes walks off, I’m unaffected, because I know that they don’t know me.

But being rejected by this girl took a hit at my self- esteem.

I’m privileged to have extremely conscious, smart people around me who could give me input.

I felt like I was back in school – seeking advice instead of being the one giving it out. read more

15 Nov 2018

Sticky Post By David Morin Posted in Uncategorized With No Comments Permalink

What to do when friends only talk about themselves and aren’t interested in you

Sticky Post By David Morin On November 15, 2018 With No Comments

We just got an email about getting stuck in the “listener trap”:

“[…] After about 6 months of “friendship”, these people turn to me as someone to talk to, as I always seem interested in their daily affairs.

The difficulty is that they just want to talk about themselves. I am afraid that if I start talking about myself, these friends would find me whiny and stop being friends with me!

I personally think that I may be not interesting enough to people, and thus people don’t seem to take interest in what I say or do – they just like me for being someone they can vent to or talk to or seek advice from. read more

30 Jul 2018

Sticky Post By David Morin Posted in General Social Skills, Personal development With 1 Comment Permalink

How to be part of a conversation when you just don’t feel like it

Sticky Post By David Morin On July 30, 2018 With 1 Comment

In this post, I talked about how to be part of a group conversation without having to say anything smart or funny.

One member of the SocialPro community, Miriam, wrote me:

“But what do you do if you don’t like the subject or aren’t interested in talking?”

I love that question.

Once, at a friends dinner, I just didn’t want to be there. I didn’t like anyone there, and I wasn’t interested in their conversations. I was so bored and zoned out that it must have been obvious. Afterward, my friend said: “Can’t you even pretend to be interested?” read more

20 Jul 2018

Sticky Post By David Morin Posted in General Social Skills, Making Conversation, Personal development With 6 Comments Permalink

“Others will be bored with what I have to say”

Sticky Post By David Morin On July 20, 2018 With 6 Comments

What do we do when it feels like we aren’t interesting or that people get bored talking to us?

Look at these comments from two members of the SocialPro community:

“I am doing an exchange semester abroad. Recently, I have been feeling very insecure and like I was the most boring person in the world to talk to, mainly because of lack of genuine interest and affection from the people I talk to.

I did not know what to talk about and people did not seem interested in me. Also, someone I got to know a bit better, mentioned that I ask a lot of questions (that’s how I get when I am trying to be extroverted), without providing anything about myself (again, because I feel like I have nothing to add and that I am boring).” read more

13 Jul 2018

Sticky Post By David Morin Posted in Personal development With 7 Comments Permalink

How to deal with setbacks in personal development

Sticky Post By David Morin On July 13, 2018 With 7 Comments

I just came back from a fun and interesting dinner with a course participant.

I coach him, and in return, he gives me feedback on our material.

We talked about group conversations. He told me about how he’d made great progress at first but then felt like he was back to square one. He asked for advice on what to do next.

It’s a great question. It’s something I’ve struggled with, too.

Luckily, by knowing what the curve of self-improvement looks like, we learn that those setbacks we experience are a natural part of what it takes to improve. read more