21 ways to make friends in a new city

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Making Friends in a New City

When I first moved to New York, I realized the most important question I had to answer was, “How do I make friends in a new city?” After lots of trial and error, I was able to go from no friends to meeting lots of new, great people that I’m still close with today.

The advice in this guide is for readers in their 20’s and 30’s.

1. Join a Meetup.com, Eventbrite.com or Facebook meetup

The best way to meet new friends is to do something you enjoy, with a bunch of people who like the same things, regularly. Why regularly? You need time to get to know each other, and if you meet for several weeks in a row, your friendship will deepen and become more substantial. read more

19 signs of a toxic friendship

Toxic Friendships

In this guide, we’ll go through the warning signs of Toxic People (TP). A toxic person is someone who doesn’t take responsibility for their feelings or problems. The fallout from these negative emotions is then taken out on others.[1] Understanding these signs can help you decide whether you should save or end the friendship.

1. Do you do most of the work in the relationship (listen, support, encourage)?

They call when they’re depressed, angry, sad, defeated. You listen and are empathetic. You start to talk about your day or something good/bad that happened to you. Crickets. read more

222 questions to ask to get to know someone

Questions to get to know someone

Here’s a set of questions you can ask to get to know someone.

The guide starts with casual questions that are fitting for an acquaintance or someone you just met. Then we go deeper with personal questions to get to know someone like a friend or a family member, a girl/guy, or even your best friend.

Click below on the part you’re interested in to jump there:

  1. Casual questions to ask to get to know someone
  2. Personal questions to ask to get to know someone
  3. Deep questions to ask to get to know someone better
  4. Best questions to ask a guy to get to know him
  5. Best questions to ask a girl to get to know her
  6. Fun questions to ask to get to know someone
  7. Philosophical questions to ask to get to know someone
  8. Best questions to get to know a friend
  9. Best questions to get to know your best friend

Casual questions to ask to get to know someone

  1. What’s your favorite time of the year?
  2. What’s your take on all the superhero movies that became so popular lately?
  3. If you could magically learn one language, which one would you pick?
  4. What’s your drink of choice?
  5. What’s a movie that everyone seems to love which is just whatever for you?
  6. Do you think video game tournaments stand any chance of becoming as popular as, say, football?
  7. Is there any movie actor you just can’t stand?
  8. Do you go for stability or uncertainty?
  9. How often do you go to restaurants?
  10. What are the hobbies you never found time for thus far?
  11. Do you ever binge on TV-shows?
  12. Are you more of a doer or a thinker?
  13. Generally speaking, hot or cold beverages?
  14. Do you ever speak in movie quotes?
  15. iPhone or Android?
  16. Would you like to own a business someday?
  17. Do you work out?
  18. What do you like to eat?
  19. Would you take a trip to outer space?
  20. What’s your favorite cartoon?
  21. Do you play any sports?
  22. Can you stand watching cheesy movies?
  23. Are you into collecting?
  24. Sweet or savory?
  25. Do you watch TV, Youtube, or other video sites?
  26. Do you believe in horoscopes?
  27. Are you into the meme culture?
  28. Do you have any siblings?
  29. What do you think about really old movies and TV shows, stuff that might be considered a bit cheesy nowadays?

Personal questions to ask to get to know someone

  1. Do you often daydream or fantasize about something?
  2. What extracurriculars did you take in school?
  3. Which movie would you say resembles your life the most?
  4. Do you ever get deja vu?
  5. What kind of toys did you like as a kid?
  6. Do you vote?
  7. Are you careful about the type of media you pay attention to?
  8. Have you ever successfully given up a bad habit?
  9. Would you call yourself a mindful person?
  10. Did you get a job in your field after you’ve graduated?
  11. Did you have an imaginary friend as a kid?
  12. Do you ever think of pursuing a new career path?
  13. What would you do to pass time if you were shut inside a small cabin, alone for 3 months, high up in the mountains?
  14. Did your family have money when you were growing up?
  15. Is it easy for you not to take sides in family arguments?
  16. What do you think about reality TV?
  17. Do you like celebrating your birthday?
  18. What was your favorite game as a kid?
  19. Do you care how you’re going to be buried?
  20. Do you keep in contact with your schoolmates?
  21. What portion of a billion dollars would you give to charity?
  22. Did you do well in school?
  23. Have you ever stolen from a supermarket?
  24. Do you enjoy the thrill of gambling?
  25. What’s your guilty pleasure food?
  26. How much time can you spend bathing?
  27. What was your favorite subject in school?
  28. What’s the most dangerous situation you’ve willingly put yourself into?
  29. Do you actively seek comfort in life?
  30. Would you own a gun if it was legal in your country?

Deep questions to ask to get to know someone better

  1. What’s your definition of love?
  2. Do you actively try to avoid negative experiences in life?
  3. What stops you from being happier?
  4. Do you think violent entertainment causes or prevents real violence?
  5. Were you ever tempted to consciously choose evil over good?
  6. Have you ever seriously considered dropping everything and living a simpler life, away from everything?
  7. Could you kill to save your own life?
  8. Do you believe in a bright future for humanity?
  9. Do you have a purpose guiding you through life?
  10. Do you often go against yourself?
  11. Do you have an “unfinished” relationship with anyone?
  12. Would you ever date someone with a face tattoo?
  13. Have you ever went truly berserk?
  14. Do you ever think about humans going extinct?
  15. Would you be afraid of seeing a psychologist?
  16. What do you think about advertisements that target kids?
  17. Are there any people you’d give up your kidney for?
  18. What’s one thing you’d change about yourself?
  19. Are you often guilty of not following your own beliefs?
  20. If you had a year left to live, what would you do?
  21. What’s the most evil thing you have ever witnessed?
  22. What do you think about vegan activism?
  23. What’s the biggest personality change you’ve undergone?
  24. Would you steal or beg for food if you were homeless with no money, and working was not an option for some reason?
  25. Are you concerned by the thought of being spied on by a government or a corporate entity?
  26. Do you think death will come easily?
  27. What do you think about romanticizing crime and debauchery in media?
  28. What would you do if you realized you have a relationship with a destructive person?
  29. Do you think any real value can be extracted from shock entertainment such as horror films?

You might also be interested in our guide on how to have deep conversations.

Best questions to ask a guy to get to know him

While most questions in this guide are great to get to know a guy, here are some questions that are more geared toward male identity and gender. read more

How to be more talkative

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Becoming more Talkative

As an introvert, being talkative didn’t come naturally to me. It was something I had to learn as an adult. This is how I went from quiet and sometimes shy to an outgoing conversationalist.

1. Signal that you’re welcoming and people will like you even if you aren’t talkative

People appreciate feeling welcome. It’s one of the best things to experience when we travel, stay with friends or join a conversation. Welcoming people ask how you are. They make room for you in the group. Being the friendly one in a conversation makes people comfortable because they know they will be accepted. read more

How to make friends in college

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Friends in College

Here’s how to meet new people and make new friends in college. These strategies helped me when I had to make new friends in my sophomore year. We’ve made sure that this guide works even if you’re an introvert, shy, have social anxiety, or just don’t like to socialize, and no matter if you live on campus or off-campus.

1. Get out of your room, house, comfort zone

It can be tempting to hibernate in your dorm room or in your off-campus apartment. BUT you need people, and the only way to forge friendships is to find them. This means taking trips to the cafeterias (often), library, lounge areas, campus pub, join a club or get a job there. read more

How to be more articulate

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How to be more Articulate

Here’s how to be more articulate when speaking in everyday conversation. This guide will help you formulate your thoughts and improve your vocabulary. I’ve geared the advice in this guide toward adults who want to be better at expressing themselves.

1. Think through the broad strokes of the story before you start talking

Storytelling has three main components: a beginning, middle, and end. Think about how each section fits into the whole before you start telling the story.

Imagine you just got a promotion at work and you want to let your friends know. These would be the broad strokes: read more

29 Ways to Make Friends as an Adult

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New friends in adulthood

When I was 29, I moved to a new city where I didn’t know anyone. I made several close friends using the strategies I share in this article.

We’ve written before about how to make friends and also a guide on how to do it as an introvert. This article focuses specifically on how to make friends in your 30’s, 40’s, and up.

What I’ll cover:

  1. Turning people you meet into friends
  2. Dealing with nervousness when meeting new people
  3. Places to meet new people as an adult

Part 1: Turning people you meet into friends

1. Join groups that interest you

Join groups that meet up regularly about things that interest you. Check out Meetup.com and Eventbrite.com and look for recurring events.

2. Make small talk even if you don’t feel like it

Small talk is an important warm-up when two people meet. Even if you don’t feel like it, know that every friendship starts with small talk. You’re testing the waters to see how receptive they are to chatting. Most importantly, when you make small talk, you signal that you’re friendly and open for interaction. read more

How to talk to strangers – 20 tips

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Talking to strangers

Being an introvert I usually felt awkward or off talking to strangers. Especially in extrovert environments like parties or bars. Thousands of interactions later, this is what I’ve learned.

1. Start small with a smile or nod

Practice smiling or giving a casual head nod as people go by. When you’re comfortable with that, you can take the next step and ask how they are or a question or comment about something around you. Gradually increasing your interactions like this makes it easier to talk to strangers.[1][2]

2. Accept nervousness rather than trying to push it away

It’s intuitive to try to shake off nervousness and “stop being nervous,” but that just doesn’t work. A better strategy is to accept that you are nervous and act anyway.[3][4] After all, feeling nervous is nothing more than a feeling, and feelings in themselves can’t hurt us. Remind yourself that feeling nervous isn’t different from any other feeling like tiredness, happiness or hunger. read more

25 Tips to be Witty

Being Witty

Here’s how to sharpen your wit and be quicker in your conversations. What we’ll go through:

  1. Becoming a quick thinker
  2. Knowing what to say to be witty
  3. Avoiding the pitfalls of using wit

For tips on how to be funny in a conversation, check out this article.

Part 1. Becoming a quick thinker

Part of wit is timing – it’s about quickly coming up with things to say. Luckily, you can practice becoming a faster thinker.

1. Do this naming exercise to become a quicker thinker

Wit is often about unexpectedly associating things. If your friend has started lifting weights and looks like he’s added a pound or two, a witty remark could be, “I see that the steroids are paying off.” It’s witty because it’s an unexpected association. Here’s how you can practice this ability. read more

How to Make Friends as an Introvert

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Friendships for Introverts

I’m an introvert, so I’ve never been into networking events, loud parties, bars, or other extrovert social stuff. And when I did try going to meetups, I never really connected with people there.

Over the years, I’ve been able to build up a rich social life despite not being overly social. In this guide, I’ll show you how introverts make friends.

1. Polish up on your social skills

If you don’t do something often, you can get rusty. This definitely applies to meeting new people and getting to know them. A few things to remember to help you feel more confident and less nervous: read more

How to make friends after college

How to make friends after college

When I left college it got harder to make friends. I wasn’t overly social or interested in going out partying every weekend, and my old friends either moved or got busy with work and family.

The secret to making friends after college is to go to places where you can find like-minded people and meet with them regularly. Here’s how to do it:

1. Know that you don’t have to go out partying to make friends

Parties are great for quick hello’s but it’s hard to have a more in-depth conversation when there’s loud music and drinks flowing. To make a connection with someone you need a chance to get to know each other. read more

How to never run out of things to say

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How to never run out of things to say

I often used to run out of things to talk about. Either because I got stuck in small talk that died out, or because I tensed up so that my mind went blank.

Sometimes, a conversation is meant to end and there’s no need to push it. But if you often run out of things to say, this guide is for you.

1. Practice saying what’s on your mind without filtering yourself

I used to worry that what I said would sound dumb or too obvious. When I analyzed socially savvy people, I learned that they say mundane, obvious things all the time.[2]

When you start a conversation with someone new you may feel like small talk is awkward and meaningless. The truth is that small talk helps us “warm-up” to each other and signal that we’re friendly, easy-going and open for interaction. People will judge you for what you say as little as you walk around and judge others for what they say. Instead of trying to say smart things, say whatever’s on your mind. read more

12 Best Books for Introverts 2019

Books for introverts

These are the best books for introverts, carefully reviewed and ranked.

We have separate book guides on social skills, conversation skills, social anxiety, confidence, self-esteem, making friends, and body language.

1. Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

Author: Susan Cain

This book by Susan Cain is one of the most popular books on the topic of introversion.

In her book, Cain points out that some of the world’s best-known names have been introverts (think Mark Twain, Dr. Seuss, Rosa Parks, etc.). As she dives into the many accomplishments of introverts throughout history, Cain emphasizes the point that to underestimate introverts would be a huge detriment to our society. Cain also gives some strategies for using the power of your introversion to be successful both personally and professionally. read more

How to have deep conversations

How to have deep conversations

Here’s how to have deep conversations with friends. I’ll show how you can make conversation that feels more meaningful than the usual small talk.

1. Warm-up with small talk and gradually go deeper

You can’t just start a deep conversation out of the blue. You want to start with a few minutes of small talk. Small talk helps people warm up to more meaningful conversation.[1]

Make the transition from small talk natural asking gradually deeper questions or sharing gradually deeper thoughts.

For example, it can be natural to share a personal reflection after a few minutes of small talk, and talk about really deep matters first after meeting up with the person a few times. read more

How to be comfortable with silence in conversation

Comfortable silence in a conversation

I used to think that I had to talk all the time and that silence was awkward. I later learned that silence can give people space to think which helps you make more interesting conversation.

Here’s how to have comfortable silences:

1. Know that silence has a purpose in all conversations

  1. Constantly talking can make you come off as anxious.
  2. When you talk about important things, a few seconds of silence helps give better answers.
  3. When you know a person well, being together without talking can help you bond.
  4. Silence can be a sign that you feel comfortable with each other.

2. Be calm and relaxed to make silence more comfortable

Be self-confident when you talk and your friend will be comfortable with silences, too.

You don’t need to develop core confidence just to give off a confident vibe. It’s more than enough to use a calm and relaxed voice and relaxed and natural facial expression.

Here’s our guide on how to speak with confidence. read more

22 tips to be more extroverted

Introvert extrovert

I’m an introvert who’ve learned to be extroverted and outgoing when I have to. Here are my best tricks:

1. Know that being extroverted isn’t better than introverted

There’s nothing wrong with being introverted. It’s when introversion keeps you from doing what you really want to do that it becomes a problem.

This guide is for you who want the ability to be more extroverted when you need it.

2. Make sure your introversion isn’t in fact shyness

Introversion is when you avoid socializing because it drains your energy. However, if you avoid socializing because it makes you nervous, the root cause could be shyness. read more