What Most People Don’t Know About Conflict Solving
Socially successful people understand a deep fundamental truth about humans: People always try their best, given their conditions. No one WANTS to end up on the street. No one WANT to be seen as annoying by others. If someone behaves in a way that frustrates us, we can always track that down to genetics and social conditioning such as life experiences. Their behavior can also be influenced by their experience during the week or the very day that you meet them. People almost never try to do anything to hurt anyone else. Instead, our actions are a product of what the earlier input has been. That also means that you would act in the same way as the person that frustrates you, if you had the exact same genetics and social conditioning.
Knowing this shifts the mindset from “People are stupid” to “How Can I understand this person’s actions?”
Let’s take an example of someone making you angry because they don’t seem to listen to you when you are telling them something. The cause of your anger in you is probably that you feel ignored or that it looks like the person you are talking to isn’t interested in what you have to say.
The truth is that we very seldom want to make anyone upset. How many times have you been thinking “I want to make this person angry on me”? The person not listening is doing it because of the input the person has received. Genetically, he or she might have a genetically short attention span. Something could have happened during the day that takes his focus away. It could also be because you have been talking about something that’s uninteresting for that person. Is this really a reason for frustration?
Popular people understand this and don’t start conflicts with people. They also know that conflicts never work in their favor. The best recipe for success in life is to understand people’s shortcomings and to not take them personally. It is preferable to help people improve themselves by giving them constructive feedback instead of creating a conflict. Instead of:
“You’re ignorant! You don’t listen!”
“I’m under the impression that you don’t listen to me. Is there something else on your mind”
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